Updated post 100: Sorry this is long. Awkward love life :(

miss_independent

Quicklook1960 wrote: »

I'd bite the bullet Miss I and go out on a date with K. It's just a first date, so it's a "get-to-know-you" ... you never know you could end up enjoying yourself ! Nothing ventured... Nothing gained...

Good luck in whatever you choose.

I had a good night with him on Friday, I just thought he was a cool, funny 18 year old :rotfl:.

Tbh, we spoke for hours and conversation didn't run dry so I'd imagine if we did go on a date, it would feel more like a 2nd one anyway. Except J's Mum wouldn't be there. Hopefully.

Just have to hope that S didn't tell K that I like J and said I'd have whichever one wanted me .

tayforth

I've read the whole thread.

As someone who currently quite likes someone and has no idea if he likes me, I see where you're coming from.

It sounds as if you have very deep feelings for J. I would settle that first, because if you don't you will always wonder IMHO.

How would you feel if he told you someday that he regretted never getting together with you?

OK, he hasn't asked you out yet, BUT your family weren't keen on you and him going out for a long time, and now he has health problems. Was he also aware of your illness?

So you are when you are.

Why not just visit J to see how he is? Hopefully the two of you will get some time alone, and then you never know. You could even suggest doing something together. Not a date, as such, so less pressure.

You already know that he likes you, I assume that his aunt wouldn't say so if it weren't true!

Please let us know what happens, and good luck xx

NAR

miss_independent wrote: »

Judi, I'm worried our mutual friend becomes jealous of J and K. :rotfl:

Judi wrote: »

We're ok, he's on his holls
.

I may be on hols but I still am not far away!

Of course I'm jealous Miss I :blushing:: but then I know that is yor plan! :A do your worst but I will be home for you next week.

tayforth

Any update? xxx

miss_independent

tayforth wrote: »

Any update? xxx

Well so far no one has asked me out and I have a headache.

I'm going to give it a couple of days and then ring S to see what she told K and take it from there. I might ask for K's number or do what I said earlier about popping a note through his door. I dunno. He was quite endearing and at any rate he would be a laugh and potentially help to ease me back into the world of dating . I would like to meet up with him again. But I DO want to check that he is 25 - something tells me he is younger and S is lying. I said "How old is he anyway? 18?!" and she said "25, does that make a difference?". Something about her tone makes me wonder...

J. Where do I start? :cool: Despite what people on here think I do believe my feeling for him are genuine and that's for HIM, the person I've got to know over 20 years not feelings I've projected on to him. I'm not a fantasist. If he wasn't dealing with what he is right now I think K showing interest in me might have led to me telling J how I feel. However, right now (according to several family members) he is angry, bitter and vulnerable. I don't think this is the best time for me to waltz back into his life and start telling him how I really feel about him. To be fair up until 18 months ago, I think it was plainly obvious to him and to everyone how I felt about him and, like everyone says, he didn't do anything so maybe he wasn't really that attracted to me anyway. So back to now, it would be unfair to tell him how I feel when he is dealing with so much - unfair on both of us. Right now he can't work, he can't drive, he can't see his friends or family - he has lost so much and he is grieving. My feelings for him haven't changed in years, waiting a little longer won't kill me.

However, it absolutely guts me to see the pain in his mum's eyes because I've seen it in my parents' eyes too and I know what its like to feel guilty about that because, through no fault of your own, you are the one causing them to hurt. I will approach the family and ask if they think he'd like to chat with me, or, given my experiences, if there is anything I can do to help (I actually already intended to do this back in February, but didn't know how to approach his Mum). I hate the idea that an amazing guy like him (he's a gem) has written himself off. If he isn't meant for me, he is meant for somebody (he did always want marriage and children) and it would mean alot to me to see him happy eventually. He just needs a lucky break. I can put my feelings aside and if it never happened between us and he ends up with someone else, I'd rather that than see him alone (unless he truly wants that). Once again, our timing is off but I can't keep myself alone in the hope that he eventually turns round and decides he wants me. Maybe it really was never meant to be.

So there's how it is. Hopefully go on a date with K and help J. That's the plan.

June_Cambridge

It's been a while since your last post Miss I, have there been any new developments?

miss_independent

June_Cambridge wrote: »

It's been a while since your last post Miss I, have there been any new developments?

Not really .

I called S to invite the family to dinner and also sneakily bring up the fact that actually I was attracted to K and she could pass on my number to him if he was still interested as I would like to meet up with him again. Unfortunately, I got the answering machine and have since found out that they decided last minute to go on holiday for a few weeks (one of the perks of retirement lol). They won't be back until next weekend. I feel like a total idiot now. I have literally been kicking myself ever since. What an idiot.

On the plus side I'm great with J just being my friend now. Tbh, I think I needed this to realise that there are plenty more fish in the sea. I haven't told J the truth about my feelings for him, he is in a really bad place and going out with him now would be a disaster. Also, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I don't want a relationship with him right now. Friends is best for both of us. If things change in the future, fine. If not, I'm fine with that too. He doesn't know anything from me about K either. I don't know if S has told him but I haven't brought up relationships or anything. I also feel its best for me to keep my distance a bit from him for now.He is a bit bitter and I'm still trying to rebuild my life.

I'm at a point where I'm actually ok with being single and I'm just trying to focus on being as happy as I can in life, regardless of being in a relationship or not. If I meet someone, great, if not I refuse to be as miserable about it as I have in the past. I need to have a reason other than feeling lonely to want to be in a relationship. I feel I know better what I'm looking for now in a relationship.

marisco_2

You are far from being an idiot and have got yourself to a great place emotionally. Well done you.

miss_independent

Just thought I'd let you know my update.

Very soon after I fired off my most recent post, S rang from her holiday. She is in the UK and has decided to stay on a bit longer. Her daughter must have been in checking the house or something because she had called because she knew about the message I left on the answering machine inviting the family to dinner and she wanted to make sure I didn't think she was ignoring me. The subject of K came up as she has invited his Mum and Brother (visiting from overseas) to stay with them in the holiday home in two weeks. I mentioned I did quite like K, checked his age and that he definitely had been interested in me. Her exact words were that he is "besotted". I laughed saying I doubt this is the case! I told her that I'm a bit of a cynic, I don't believe in love at first sight but I do believe in getting to know a person better and I'd love to meet up with him again and see how things go, perhaps for a coffee. She said he would be delighted and that she was over the moon as she loves us both. She told me he was quite shy about approaching girls even though he is so attractive so I said perhaps she could give him my number and say that I was wondering if we could meet up for a coffee. She then sounded a bit upset, saying J's Mum would be devastated as she had been saying how much she would love J and I to have ended up together. I said J had all these years to ask me out and maybe he just wasn't interested in me. She seemed to accept this and then got all excited about K again. She hurridley got off the phone as she wanted to call his mother (who is staying with him atm) and ask her to give him the message when he got in from work.

Its been a few days and he hasn't rung. I know what I'd said about being happily single and it wasn't a lie but ...I had started to get a bit excited about the prospect of a date, I felt a bit of hope. Its further than I've got in years.

I now feel like a fool and strongly suspect S has just made all of this up in the hopes of matchmaking me to one of her nephews. K musn't have been interested in me at all and I feel like a right idiot for passing on my number now. I hope I haven't embarrassed K. I wish S had just left me alone instead of meddling in my love life. I knew where I stood before then she let me think that someone was attracted to me (admittedly from the way he looked at me and his body language I thought he might be too) and got my hopes up. Now I'm back to square one but worse because no matter how lonely I was before, I never acted desperate. I know its my own fault, I shouldn't be so easily influenced but my pride is a little bruised. I feel I haven't got a clue to know whether a man is interested in me at all as I totally misread this one (and from what others on this thread say J too) and think I should just throw the towel in now. Just feeling sorry for myself. Will be back to my old independent self in a day or two.

LannieDuck

Sound like K's been doing some serious pot-stirring. Leave it a month or so (to be sure K isn't going call), and then call J :P