Updated post 100: Sorry this is long. Awkward love life :(

Brighton_belle

This is purely a technicality, I don't think he qualifies for your bad kisser list, because you turned away (for all the right reasons I might add!)so he didn't have a chance to kiss you 'properly'.
However, he would always be a bad kisser on the basis you found him completely unattractive and boorish. It's not possible IMHO to enjoy any kiss when you feel like that.

Miss Independent, I don't know why but some people (and at times it feels like the majority) have no problem pairing up and have several long term relationships while some us of still struggle to get a single date. Don't feel you are the only one. I was years and years single but when I met Mr Right in my late 30's it was all easy, uncomplicated and lovely. We are now very happily married. So hang on in there.

I am very glad to read that you now have the confidence to know what a good relationship should be like, and don't see your past bf's behaviour as normal and what you have to settle for.

SuzieSue

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Miss Independent, I don't know why but some people (and at times it feels like the majority) have no problem pairing up and have several long term relationships while some us of still struggle to get a single date. Don't feel you are the only one. I was years and years single but when I met Mr Right in my late 30's it was all easy, uncomplicated and lovely. We are now very happily married. So hang on in there.

Miss Independent, this is also exactly what happened to me. You are still young and a lot of men don't grown up until well in to their 40s.

You just need to make the most of your life being single and ensure you make an effort to meet as many new people as possible. Mr Right will come along although it might not be until you are a bit older. I never thought that I would marry a divorcee with children, but I did and am happier now than I have ever been.

miss_independent

paulineb wrote: »

Disgusted? I know it didnt go well, but reading that. If someone turned up on a date with me wearing jeans and a T shirt, Im assuming thats what he was wearing, I wouldnt criticise them for that.

Also, reading everything else youve written, I think you possibly built him up to be something he wasnt on the basis of one conversation.

And yes, its terrible when things dont go to plan and Im sorry you felt uncomfortable.

But people are who they are, comparing him to this other guy isnt the answer either, you could have a date with him and it could be all pear shaped as well or it could have been wonderful.

And if I had picked someone up even if it had been under duress, Id drop them off home, disastrous date or not, theres no way, unless someone had been the worst person on planet earth that Id go out for a date with someone and leave them there.

I wasn't disgusted because he was unkempt and dirty looking. If you'd actually read what I wrote I did say there was nothing wrong with jeans and a t-shirt. I was disgusted because he swore constantly, told me he takes drugs, told me he stole, confessed other illegal activity, spoke about his parents frankly bizarre sex lives, made no attempt to ask me anything about myself, just ranted at me, was totally inconsiderate and persistant when I didn't want to be physical, wouldn't get out my car, didn't ask politely for a lift or thank me etc.

He lived round the corner from the venue. Ten minutes tops to walk it. It was a beautiful summers night. I told him I had plans yet he kept me another half hour when I had to take him home then he would not get out my car. You make it sound like you feel i'm the discourteous one.

miss_independent

By the way he text me and he's fine about me not wanting to see him again, it was a polite text.

Just cause I know some of you like to laugh at some of the things that happen to me... There are lots of things I've had to leave out because its just too bad/personal but there were a couple of bizarre yet hilarious moments. What do you think of this which came from out of nowhere.

"Say...you're really tiny........" *thinks for a moment* "You could get through even the smallest of windows..."

I think he was looking for a Bonnie to his Clyde.

NAR

miss_independent wrote: »

There is a Bistro in a beautiful country estate near us - its a bit like a National Trust place with grounds you can walk in.

I looked as nice as I could, in a natural way. I wore a pretty but simple sundress, very natural make up and had done my hair nice. When I pulled up outside his door, he took a while to come out and when he did, he was dressed really shabbily (not at all like he was at the BBQ).

Sounds like you picked a great venue. I would never have gone on a date without some sort of effort - he should have been wanting to impress too.

Within 3 seconds of our date he had said the F word a few times. His language the whole time was foul.
Within ten minutes he started boasting about recreational drug use and told me he had done a runner to the UK to escape his debts. He later confessed to stealing for fun and told me about his parents crazy sex lives. He laughed at my jokes but quickly got back to his favourite topic - himself and his crazy life.

Sorry but who is going to enjoy that sort of conversation? Sounds really immature to me.

I knew what was coming so I attempted to turn so he'd get my cheek but he saw what I was trying to do and he kissed me on the lips. Except he missed and got my chin

:rotfl: Sounds familiar!

miss_independent wrote: »

Lol thanks for the honesty, I always appreciate a guys point of view. I've text him back this morning, saying "thanks for the meal, I was glad I went and was able to find out more about you. I didn't really feel we had much in common though and, though you are a great guy :cool::o, I just didn't feel we connected. Good luck for (event that is happening this week) - I hope everything works out for you in the future."

I think you pitched that reply very considerately.

Re: Jeans and T-Shirt etc, that's great...I honestly don't mind and to be honest, on a first date, unless its somewhere really fancy, I wouldn't expect a guy to be anything but casual. But, it would be nice if it was maybe one of your nicer pairs of jeans and a nicer t-shirt than you might wear to like Tes-co or something. Because I'm not a supermarket. He looked like he had been in bed until I text him saying I was outside and then he'd thrown on whatever was the least dirty at the bottom of the laundry hamper.

Couldn't agree more; he showed a distinct lack of manners IMHO.

It's made me realise what I am looking for and maybe see that I deserve a little more than what I've put up with in the past.

Good for you. (I do dress to impress! )

My ex thought nothing of watching !!!!!! in front of me from very early on in our relationship. Later it was drugs and drink addiction that I turned a blind eye to. Then sleeping with my best friend. If he'd have hit me, I probably would have still tried to make things work. I didn't believe I was worth more.
Being single for so long, I've not had to put up with any of that. I know its not normal now to give so much and expect so little and I'm not some insecure young girl anymore. I'm still prepared to give but I want someone to give back too.

Good grief what a doormat you were! :eek: So glad you have realised you are worth much more.

My younger self would have given K a second chance because she was so desperate to be loved and feel like a man wanted her. I'm so glad I'm not that person anymore. There was something about the way K looked at me like I was a buffet and he didn't know which part he wanted to go for first and the way he showed no interest in me as a person together with all the constant swearing and boasting about his illegal antics, and using me as a taxi service which made me finally admit to myself that I deserve someone who respects me and respects the fact that I do a pretty good job of looking after myself.

I repeat, so glad you have realised you are worth much more.

Wow...I've revealed way too much but, hopefully, you'll understand why I have. I doubt I'll be talking about my love life on here much more. You've all helped me. My turn to use my experiences to help others now.

You'll keep our relationship quiet please! :rotfl:

miss_independent wrote: »

By the way he text me and he's fine about me not wanting to see him again, it was a polite text.

Glad he got the message. Now BIG HUGS from me.

System

.... and even bigger ones from me. Sorry it didn't work out.:(