Updated post 100: Sorry this is long. Awkward love life :(

kitschkitty

miss_independent I hope you don't think my post was overly harsh, but I do think that even if you wouldn't (or even couldn't) ask out a stranger, it would be just a tiny bit easier with someone you have known and fancied for ages, and I can totally see why your parents didn't think it was appropriate at that age, but as an adult you have to factor it in to how he might behave (in not asking again).

That said I think that you have made some good decisions.

J needs to get his head around his condition (especially as he is going to have to live with it for the rest of his life), and while you can be a friend who supports him, it's up to him to find he way (by that I mean no one can change his way of dealing with it/living his life but him).

There are millions of blind people living happy, worthwhile & fulfilling lives (with partners & children etc), but I'm sure for many (especially those not born blind) it took time for them to deal with the impact of their blindness and find their way.

marisco_2

miss_independent wrote: »

I should add, that every single day from age 9 to 15 I was told I was ugly, I was a mistake, no one would ever want me, I'd be a lousy lay and this was mainly by males etc etc. I know you will say don't let the past hold me back etc but needless to say for a very long time I just accepted everything I was told about myself was true. I have been challenging that and can see now that there are good things about me too. But approaching a man still isn't easy for me. I am trying though.

I dont underestimate the courage it has taken for you to share the above with us. It is truly awful that others made such cruel and inappropriate comments to you. Well done for having the strength of character and resillience to cast aside those views, challenge yourself and be able to see all the wonderful things that make you who you are.

System

Personally, if i knew there was no chance of a relationship with K because i wasnt physically attracted to him i wouldnt go on a date with him. If i wasnt sure how i felt i'd probably get to know him better at family functions and stuff first.

I'd try a bit harder to get closer to J though.

carefullycautious

All this faffing around would drive me nuts. If you love J and want him warts and all for gods sake get his number, ring him and ask him out.

You may be the answer to his depression as a problem shared is a problem halved.

What are you wasting any more of your life for?

miss_independent

tesuhoha wrote: »

I've just been reading this and I think that if J is going blind then he might feel that he would be a burden to a woman.

Yes, J's Mum says he feels his life is over and knowing how J is, part of his character is that he is very strong emotionally, always courageous (he has already overcome a lot) and very much "the man" in a very traditional, almost old fashioned way. He would HATE having to rely on anyone - since being a little boy he has always supported everyone else; his little brother, his mother. He was very much "Man of the House" from a young age. Very proud and independent.

kitschkitty wrote: »

miss_independent I hope you don't think my post was overly harsh, but I do think that even if you wouldn't (or even couldn't) ask out a stranger, it would be just a tiny bit easier with someone you have known and fancied for ages, and I can totally see why your parents didn't think it was appropriate at that age, but as an adult you have to factor it in to how he might behave (in not asking again).

That said I think that you have made some good decisions.

J needs to get his head around his condition (especially as he is going to have to live with it for the rest of his life), and while you can be a friend who supports him, it's up to him to find he way (by that I mean no one can change his way of dealing with it/living his life but him).

There are millions of blind people living happy, worthwhile & fulfilling lives (with partners & children etc), but I'm sure for many (especially those not born blind) it took time for them to deal with the impact of their blindness and find their way.

Its ok, you said what you saw. Re J and losing his sight, yes he will have to adjust and I know I can't do it for him but as someone who was healthy until they were a teenager then lost pretty much everything after developing a heart condition, I can imagine some of how he feels. I've had to face the possibility of open heart surgery, live with the fear of dropping dead every day, feeling like a burden because of the general fatigue, wondering if it would be fair on others to marry or have children and, after a relapse 18 months ago, I had what I can only describe as a nervous breakdown when it finally hit me what I'd been through, how many dreams had been stolen and what I could face in future. I shut myself away like J is doing. And I came out the other side of all of that but lost alot of friends who did not see me only my illness. I needed people who still saw me as a person, a worthwhile one. They didn't need to do anything, just be there and help me smile. To me, J will always be J and if he wanted someone to talk to who doesn't pity him or tries to tell him to "think happy thoughts" when he feels !!!!!!, I'm fine with that. And I'm fine with him not wanting that too. And thats romantic feelings aside.

marisco wrote: »

I dont underestimate the courage it has taken for you to share the above with us. It is truly awful that others made such cruel and inappropriate comments to you. Well done for having the strength of character and resillience to cast aside those views, challenge yourself and be able to see all the wonderful things that make you who you are.

Thanks, it's taken me long enough though! Its either grow or die so I chose to grow.

miss_independent

Judi wrote: »

Personally, if i knew there was no chance of a relationship with K because i wasnt physically attracted to him i wouldnt go on a date with him. If i wasnt sure how i felt i'd probably get to know him better at family functions and stuff first.

I'd try a bit harder to get closer to J though.

I think it would be pretty easy to be physically attracted to K (he is actually better looking than J :eek:) but I need more than physical attraction alone. He is also cute, funny and lighthearted. I definitely wouldn't mind getting to know him better. Definitely isn't love at first sight but I don't really believe in that anyway.

Judi, I'm worried our mutual friend becomes jealous of J and K. :rotfl:

System

Judi, I'm worried our mutual friend becomes jealous of J and K. :rotfl:

Who's our mutual friend?:o

miss_independent

Judi wrote: »

Who's our mutual friend?:o

N

:rotfl:

*looks around to check he isn't here*


NAR

thehappybutterfly

My god, I think I've walked into an episode of Men in Black with all these J's and K's! :rotfl:

<<trots back to read through the whole thread>>

Your threads always make me laugh Miss Independent!

miss_independent

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

My god, I think I've walked into an episode of Men in Black with all these J's and K's! :rotfl:

<<trots back to read through the whole thread>>

Your threads always make me laugh Miss Independent!

This thread isn't up to my usual standard I'm afraid.