Am I doing the right thing?

JoW123

OptimusNemesis wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the response on here and through PMs too.Typing out my opening post actually helped me as I hadn't really gone back over everything like that until then.I did wonder if maybe I was being unfair as she clearly has a problem and I wondered if maybe I was being a bit selfish but typing out my post and then reading all the responses, which basically said what I suspected, has made my mind up.It's a pity as she was so lovely to begin with. She had some odd quirks which did drive me a bit crazy at first but I thought that it was just the way she was and I soon got used to that.She really did treat me like a king at one stage - which was a pretty new and lovely experience for me. I haven't really celebrated a birthday for years - haven't had a present or anything since I was in my teens and she made a huge fuss of me on my birthday. It was really nice.It was just things like that I think, which made me keep thinking that she was maybe going through a bad patch and that things would get better. The few times where she would suddenly pick up and tell me that she loved me made me think that was the case but I can see things better now.I actually wanted to talk on the phone more - we did for a bit at the start and I used to like that. I much preferred it to talking through texts. When you talk through texts, it's like she becomes just words on a screen. For some reason, she just suddenly became more hung up on talking through texts rather than the phone. I think that was half the problem with the communication.I'd rather handle the break up face to face as it feels more personal but I will have to do it via email. I don't want to just delete her as I think it would be a bit nasty. Given the reasons I'm ending it, I don't think it would be right for me to meet that with more nastiness, plus I would feel pretty bad for treating someone that way.I'm going to send her a positive sounding email and just say that I don't think we work well together (an understatement I know but I want to at least try and end on a positive-ish note). I'll suggest she sees someone about things and leave it up to her. I do hope that she won't go 'off the rails' like she said she did before but I've tried helping her enough.I think, for the sake of my own sanity, it will be best if I remove her from Facebook, etc. as I want to take some time out and then make a proper fresh start of things.I'd like to meet someone nice but I don't think a dating site is the way to go. A friend warned me some time ago that there are a lot of people like that on there. I've no doubt there is someone like me on there who is reasonably sane and just looking to meet someone nice and stable... but unfortunately there's no way of telling until you're several months in to a relationship.I'm off to a book fair on Saturday and am then doing a couple of sci-fi conventions the following weekends. I've already started chatting and making friends on the forums on there, so I'm just going to stick with making friends for the time being and then see where that takes me. Having a geeky fun time will hopefully help me to move on and then have a think about exactly where I want to go from there.Thanks again everyone- G
P.S. Sorry for the formatting - my work PC seems to have a bit of an issue with this site.

I think you are doing exactly the right thing Optimus. Now you need to stand firm in the face of the emotional blackmail, promises to change etc etc that will probably come in response to you ending it. And if you start to waver just re-read the posts on here because for once we all agree!!

Metranil_Vavin

I'm afraid I don't ahve time to read more than the first few responses to this, but honestly OP she sounds like a nightmare.
It's all well and good accepting someone as they are and trying to be supportive etc, but this girl sounds horrible, and she's clearly messing you about.
As someone else has said, long distance r'ships are difficult and often doomed to failure.
You sound like a nice chap. Move on and find yourself a nice girl who doesn't pick you up and put you down whenever the mood takes her.

Metranil_Vavin

I also have to commend you on your restraint at not reading the email she asked you to bin.

I wouldn't have been able to not read it!

*Louise*

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

I also have to commend you on your restraint at not reading the email she asked you to bin.

I wouldn't have been able to not read it!

Agreed - I would have been straight in to it

tayforth

OptimusNemesis wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the response on here and through PMs too.Typing out my opening post actually helped me as I hadn't really gone back over everything like that until then.I did wonder if maybe I was being unfair as she clearly has a problem and I wondered if maybe I was being a bit selfish but typing out my post and then reading all the responses, which basically said what I suspected, has made my mind up.It's a pity as she was so lovely to begin with. She had some odd quirks which did drive me a bit crazy at first but I thought that it was just the way she was and I soon got used to that.She really did treat me like a king at one stage - which was a pretty new and lovely experience for me. I haven't really celebrated a birthday for years - haven't had a present or anything since I was in my teens and she made a huge fuss of me on my birthday. It was really nice.It was just things like that I think, which made me keep thinking that she was maybe going through a bad patch and that things would get better. The few times where she would suddenly pick up and tell me that she loved me made me think that was the case but I can see things better now.I actually wanted to talk on the phone more - we did for a bit at the start and I used to like that. I much preferred it to talking through texts. When you talk through texts, it's like she becomes just words on a screen. For some reason, she just suddenly became more hung up on talking through texts rather than the phone. I think that was half the problem with the communication.I'd rather handle the break up face to face as it feels more personal but I will have to do it via email. I don't want to just delete her as I think it would be a bit nasty. Given the reasons I'm ending it, I don't think it would be right for me to meet that with more nastiness, plus I would feel pretty bad for treating someone that way.I'm going to send her a positive sounding email and just say that I don't think we work well together (an understatement I know but I want to at least try and end on a positive-ish note). I'll suggest she sees someone about things and leave it up to her. I do hope that she won't go 'off the rails' like she said she did before but I've tried helping her enough.I think, for the sake of my own sanity, it will be best if I remove her from Facebook, etc. as I want to take some time out and then make a proper fresh start of things.I'd like to meet someone nice but I don't think a dating site is the way to go. A friend warned me some time ago that there are a lot of people like that on there. I've no doubt there is someone like me on there who is reasonably sane and just looking to meet someone nice and stable... but unfortunately there's no way of telling until you're several months in to a relationship.I'm off to a book fair on Saturday and am then doing a couple of sci-fi conventions the following weekends. I've already started chatting and making friends on the forums on there, so I'm just going to stick with making friends for the time being and then see where that takes me. Having a geeky fun time will hopefully help me to move on and then have a think about exactly where I want to go from there.Thanks again everyone- G
P.S. Sorry for the formatting - my work PC seems to have a bit of an issue with this site.

From what you say, it sounds as if you're still worried about her. Don't be. End it via email in as dignified a way as you can.

Then delete her. Block her. Forget her. If she emails, rings, or texts, don't answer.

You don't owe her anything. She is no longer your problem. You're FREE.

You deserve better.

Wishing you all the best for the future

Wicked_witch

Yep, what s/he said!

justme111

I find it that even if I stop a relationship I take interest in that persons wellbeing and it would be impossible for me to cut all the contact if other person still wants to keep it and is civil. Mind , in op's case she is loopy instead of civil so may he easier.

marisco_2

You are definately making the right decision in ending this relationship. It will give you a chance to have some much needed time by yourself and to decide what you want from your future. All the best to you.

Robin_TBW

Please refer to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg-heCy0CbQ

There's one particular part which relates quite nicely to this.

System

When you talk through texts, it's like she becomes just words on a screen. For some reason, she just suddenly became more hung up on talking through texts rather than the phone. I think that was half the problem with the communication

You can hide behind an email or text. Its not so easy to hide behind a phone call. Its like the difference between fantasy and reality.

She obviously doesnt like reality much.