Am I doing the right thing?

Hermia

OptimusNemesis wrote: »

I've been trying to take all of this and put it down to her being upset about her gran dying but I'm at the point now where I'm wondering whether I'm doing the right thing in just waiting for her to resolve the problem.

I have been bereaved four times and know many people who have been bereaved and never seen anyone behave like this. There is a difference between someone being a bit down or short-tempered due to circumstances and someone actually being abusive and manipulative.

I have a friend who is a mental health nurse. One thing she always says is that whilst you should be compassionate towards people with mental health issues you should not allow them to abuse you because it does not help either of you.

If you keep choosing women with mental health problems you really need to think about getting some therapy and working out why.

LilChel

At first I did have a little sympathy with the girlfriend with nan dying as I remember starting a relationship with someone and I also had a bereavement at the same time, well within a week and I texted the bloke and just said sorry I can't do this right now, as a member of my family had died. The poor bloke didn't know what to do, he hadn't experienced a loss at all, but he stuck around (well for 2 years) and he helped me in many ways, more than he probably realised. So I can sympathise with the pushing away point.....BUT....blimey the rest of it that came from OP.....you need to have it on your toes and fast, she needs a check up from the neck up. If you want a life like you have already, then I wish you loads of luck, but really you already know what you want to do.

Oh and in respect of finding all the nutters, I'm guessing its internet dating lol...not everybody on those sites are nutters, just some lol. Remember you are not a human plaster and cannot keep fixing these people...if they need help, maybe they need professional help.

Good luck in whatever you decide:)

coinxoperated

I was trying to find a picture of a bunny being boiled but realised most forumers would report it :rotfl:

You get the picture OP, RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

geoffky

I think you need to stop and think why you seem to end up in these relationships...
You seem to not be able to work people out...
Get some help for this otherwise you may end getting hurt whether that is financially or physically..

busiscoming2

If this is how she reacts to everything then cut all contact or you are going to have one heck of a miserable life!

Saturnalia

There you go, Optimus. Over 50 replies and not a single one has told you to stick with her.

And I'm not going to disagree with them either.

Get out now before you end up harmed, certainly mentally, if not actually physically.

[Deleted User]

Wicked_witch wrote: »

Get rid. My guess is that she wants you to dump her anyway, so that she doesn't have to end things. But be aware that she may well change her mind once you do end it and start being lovely again (or else threatening suicide). Ignore whatever she does completely. And stay out of relationships for a while until you learn to like yourself enough to realise you deserve a decent woman who will treat you with love and respect.

Here here!!

If you let her manipulate you , she will , and she will try and project her issues onto you

Your issue should be why pick a woman like this and why stay and tolerate this behaviour when surely deep down you know you deserve , want and hopefully will get better once you let go of this person and move on with your life

It is a 2 way thing , you were concerned about the loss of her Nan , she did not show concern when you were ill and couldn't make it just anger and abuse and not much concern when your Mum was ill either

She is self centred and does not seem capable of the 'give' aspect of a relationship

A 'normal' person when they found out you were ill and couldn't make it would have been sending you NICE texts asking you how you were feeling , wishing you get better soon and asking what medicine etc you were taking for your speedy recovery so you could be together again soon :j

They would show CONCERN about your Mum

They would not send you unwarranted messages of abuse when you haven't even done anything wrong

General kindness seems to be lacking too and you have been way too kind and tolerant which you do NOT have to be

This is not love , well not healthy love , and it is not a happy relationship by any means

So get rid and think about your next choices and what you are really looking for and the kind of relationship you want as you seem to go for the 'bad girls' the same way some nice girls go for the 'bad boys' but then you are overlooking someone who will treat you with kindness and respect and whom you can trust

If I was a guy I'd rather be single till I die if that was the only option rather than have any sort of relationship with this person , but thankfully there are more well balanced , generous and 'normal' women out there if that is what you want otherwise you will be setting yourself up for drama and stress if that is what you like with the 'excitement' which comes from these unstable relationships! lol

OptimusNemesis

Thanks everyone for the response on here and through PMs too.Typing out my opening post actually helped me as I hadn't really gone back over everything like that until then.I did wonder if maybe I was being unfair as she clearly has a problem and I wondered if maybe I was being a bit selfish but typing out my post and then reading all the responses, which basically said what I suspected, has made my mind up.It's a pity as she was so lovely to begin with. She had some odd quirks which did drive me a bit crazy at first but I thought that it was just the way she was and I soon got used to that.She really did treat me like a king at one stage - which was a pretty new and lovely experience for me. I haven't really celebrated a birthday for years - haven't had a present or anything since I was in my teens and she made a huge fuss of me on my birthday. It was really nice.It was just things like that I think, which made me keep thinking that she was maybe going through a bad patch and that things would get better. The few times where she would suddenly pick up and tell me that she loved me made me think that was the case but I can see things better now.I actually wanted to talk on the phone more - we did for a bit at the start and I used to like that. I much preferred it to talking through texts. When you talk through texts, it's like she becomes just words on a screen. For some reason, she just suddenly became more hung up on talking through texts rather than the phone. I think that was half the problem with the communication.I'd rather handle the break up face to face as it feels more personal but I will have to do it via email. I don't want to just delete her as I think it would be a bit nasty. Given the reasons I'm ending it, I don't think it would be right for me to meet that with more nastiness, plus I would feel pretty bad for treating someone that way.I'm going to send her a positive sounding email and just say that I don't think we work well together (an understatement I know but I want to at least try and end on a positive-ish note). I'll suggest she sees someone about things and leave it up to her. I do hope that she won't go 'off the rails' like she said she did before but I've tried helping her enough.I think, for the sake of my own sanity, it will be best if I remove her from Facebook, etc. as I want to take some time out and then make a proper fresh start of things.I'd like to meet someone nice but I don't think a dating site is the way to go. A friend warned me some time ago that there are a lot of people like that on there. I've no doubt there is someone like me on there who is reasonably sane and just looking to meet someone nice and stable... but unfortunately there's no way of telling until you're several months in to a relationship.I'm off to a book fair on Saturday and am then doing a couple of sci-fi conventions the following weekends. I've already started chatting and making friends on the forums on there, so I'm just going to stick with making friends for the time being and then see where that takes me. Having a geeky fun time will hopefully help me to move on and then have a think about exactly where I want to go from there.Thanks again everyone- G
P.S. Sorry for the formatting - my work PC seems to have a bit of an issue with this site.

*Louise*

Quite gobsmacked reading all that to be honest. I don't know many of my male friends who would put up with even half as much hassle as all that.

You are making too many excuses for her, and trying to hold on to something which blatantly isn't working. Let it go, and leave yourself free to find someone who will appreciate the effort you make.

Edit: I was typing and didn't see your update...good decision!!

Robin_TBW

She sounsd like a !!!!!! mate. Move along. Long distance never works, evident in fact here. The emails you deleted without reading were probably confession to cheating on you too. Move on.