Visitor etiquette

BugglyB

Hmmm. I dont think it should be your job to try and point out to your OH how awful his family are. I think its natural for him to want to keep you and them happy and this must be stressful for him. My in laws can be truly awful (you haven't really got it that bad by the sounds of things) but I bite my tongue and support my OH in whatever he feels is the right approach towards them. Thats my role as his partner.

notanewuser

maman wrote: »

I have this problem with my DH. It's OK for him to criticise his family but I can always tell if I've said too much. I've learned to tread carefully. This might sound a bit wimpy but I think of it as me adding to the hurt his family are already giving him. He's a dear man and he doesn't deserve that just so I can sound off my frustration.

I was interested when OP said her OH rarely goes with her to visit her family. Maybe there's an answer. I used to do that with my ex. It was patently obvious they had no interest in me just my DD (first and only girl). I made the odd duty visit (Christmas, birthday etc) and the rest of the time let him take DD over himself.

I read that OP goes regularly to Yorkshire and expects to go more often with the new additions. Who exactly has these expectations? Is it OP as she likes things done 'properly'? the in-laws? Her OH because he feels he wants to/should?

It's for DH, because otherwise he gets all many and whiney about "never seeing his family". As the eldest of 4 boys there are certain expectations out on him, especially as its "easier" for us to go up there to see all of them together than it is for them to all come down to us (which equals hard work for me).

DD is the eldest grandchild/cousin, but is regularly forgotten by some of DH's family. I spoke to her grandfather this week who went through all the other names (including the boy's) before getting hers right.

Sending DH and DD on their own isn't really possible because DH does a day in a client's office on the way up, and can't take her with him.

aileth

I wouldn't travel all the way to Sheffield for the winter gardens. There's graves park if it's a nice day, they have a mini farm with piggies etc (if it's open) and it's lovely when you can have a picnic etc.

As for York, if money isn't an issue there's the new chocolate museum which is 'ok' but a bit overpriced (the cafe and shop is nice there), the dungeons and the Jorvik centre, but like I say they're pretty expensive. The castle museum is very interesting.

Don't forget Flamingo Land, which is a wee bit further out and again not cheap!

There's also the maize maze just outside. I haven't been there but my sister has, so not sure entrance fees, and I don't know if it's 'ready' this time of year.

notanewuser

lostinrates wrote: »

You visited you family with out your oh.....do you think his reception might be warmer at home if just he and your child went? Is that what is normal for his family?

No, I don't think so. I go on my own because DH is working, and I can take advantage of DD not being in school yet and being able to go mid-week. My gran doesn't have Internet so DH can't work from there.

notanewuser

aileth wrote: »

I wouldn't travel all the way to Sheffield for the winter gardens. There's graves park if it's a nice day, they have a mini farm with piggies etc (if it's open) and it's lovely when you can have a picnic etc.

As for York, if money isn't an issue there's the new chocolate museum which is 'ok' but a bit overpriced (the cafe and shop is nice there), the dungeons and the Jorvik centre, but like I say they're pretty expensive. The castle museum is very interesting.

Don't forget Flamingo Land, which is a wee bit further out and again not cheap!

There's also the maize maze just outside. I haven't been there but my sister has, so not sure entrance fees, and I don't know if it's 'ready' this time of year.

We're staying Sheffield/Barnsley way. Is Jorvic/dungeons suitable for a 2 year old? It sounds quite scary!!

74jax

notanewuser wrote: »

In fairness, you're travelling to Cardiff where theres lots to do (its my hometown). We're going to Yorkshire, where there is fook all.

Aw now we LOVE yorkshire, the coast and inland also.

I think we just love our time away from home, doesn't really matter where.

I think I only work for weekends away :rotfl:

74jax

Which area are you staying in, if York is 40mins away - which direction?

This_Year

notanewuser wrote: »

So, does life go on when you have family travel hundreds of miles to see you? Or should you keep the time clear to spend time with them?

My ex-MIL descended on us twice for a weekend without notice on a Friday night. Staying at a hotel, but expecting us to collect her from hotel, provide her meals and drinks and drive her to the hotel at a time she chose.

She said, the first time she did this, "you carry on with what you normally do on the weekend and I'll just join in" while moaning all the time that we didn't have her fave wine in and baby was asleep but she wanted to play with her, nothing on tv to watch etc etc .

So next time she turned up unexpectedly. Stood in the kitchen and said, "what are we doing today?" I said, "well you could do the hoovering unless you wanted to sort the laundry out, we can get 2 loads done if they go on now"

She never did that again. Her face was a picture! (and no, she didn't do either task!)

OP: sometimes families are thoughtless. Or just don't have the same priorities. Unless things are spelled out what your expectations are, you can't really complain when other people don't act as you would have liked. Hope you get it resolved, and have a lovely weekend anyway!

zzzLazyDaisy

notanewuser wrote: »

My gran doesn't have Internet so DH can't work from there.

If that really is the only reason, he can get an internet dongle for his laptop or use his phone as a wireless hub.

But as far as you accompanying him to visit his family is concerned - your dd is only 2.5yrs old, she probably doesn't remember her cousins from one trip to the next, so at this stage in her life it isn't going to make much difference whether she goes or not. You are clearly disenchanted with OH's family, and everything to do with the trip, so why keep putting yourself through it?

But since you are going to be there and looking for something to do with your dd, there are quite a few places in Sheffield that offer indoor things to do for toddlers

http://www.dayoutwiththekids.co.uk/things-to-do/Sheffield

aileth

notanewuser wrote: »

We're staying Sheffield/Barnsley way. Is Jorvic/dungeons suitable for a 2 year old? It sounds quite scary!!

Sorry I didn't see the ages of your kiddies! Dungeon I think they need to be 12 or 13. I don't think Jorvik has an age limit. I've just checked the website and it doesn't say anything about being unsuitable, but the tickets for child start at age 5, so I don't know whether that means minimum age 5 or under 5 is free??

It's been a while since I went, but I can't remember any gore or violence unless they changed it?? When I went it was the story of York as a viking town, you go on carts through a pre-built village with a talk-over guide telling you about the city and then you get out and there's a mini museum and a giftshop.