Are you happy on your own?

neverdespairgirl

I love being on my own, I never find it easy to understand people who rush to find company for every minute of every day.

I'm sure I'd be very happy on my own. And if I couldn't be, then there's no chance I'd be happy in a relationship, because you are stuck with yourself whoever you marry.

I've been living with my OH since I was 20 (15 years later this year) and I don't see that as a contradiction at all - he's the only man I've ever met who is worth giving up singledom for.

People who need you to choose the same as they have chosen are insecure about their own choices, I think. That's true of all sorts of things - whether it's mothers who need other mothers to stay at home / work (depending on what they do) or men who need other men to want to watch football, or whatever it happens to be.

alyth

lizziebabe wrote: »

I have been on my own since I divorced, (8 years) and I am very happy. I feel liberated from living with a very selfish, self centred person. We were married for a long time and although he hurt me badly, actually it was a good thing for me. Now, I get to please myself and don't take any carp from anyone.

When I tell people I go on holiday on my own, some people say that I am brave and some people are very envious as they would love time away from their families. I'm quite outgoing and love meeting new people.

I have 2 fantastic grown up children and they are pretty good at keeping in touch but they have their own lives now.I have a great job and a few very good friends. I lost some along the way but I guess they weren't really long term friends.

I have had a few 'dates' and the guys were nice but I am not desperate and they did come across as needy. I would like to think I would meet someone in the future but don't think I would like to live with someone 24/7, as I value my freedom and my own company.

Alyth you have to do what you know is best for you and if that is being on your own then so be it. I don't want to get married again, but wouldn't mind a relationship if the right person came along. Until then life is for living and if that means I do it on my own, then I will. I have done loads of things on my own that I would never done if I was still with my ex.

I am a happy Lizzieb

I love your post, thanks Lizzie :-) There is a guy that I go for coffee with, met him through work (I'm a mature student and work weekends in a supermarket). He is two years older than me, and he has so many health issues it's scary. he is seriously overweight, 18 stone and maybe five foot eight, sleep apnoe, he has to go to bed each night wearing a mask to monitor his breathing. I've had a tough day studying, can't get my head around the ideology of improvement (feel free to google for me!) so we were texting each other. When asked what he had done over the last couple of weeks, his answer was "dentist and work".

Now I've taken myself up north last week for lunch - on my own. I've mowed the lawn ( a personal thing as it is my most hated chore in the whole world, I frequentl mow over the cable!), tomorrow I'm going out quadding with a friend who owns a farm, my point is that life is for living. This guy is needy, in the fact he needs to get a life!

I'm 42, as said before.. I go out walking every day, I can still run down to the end of the farm track which is half a mile, my cottage is perfect, I'm not glamorous, I don't even own a pair of heels. However I want to live my life, its the classic sitting in the rocking chair aged 80 scenario, wondering what you would regret. I truly wouldn't regret anything.

I am glad I started this thread, I don't tend to come onto this site very often, I'm really interested to read all the posts.

tayforth

alyth wrote: »

I love your post, thanks Lizzie :-) There is a guy that I go for coffee with, met him through work (I'm a mature student and work weekends in a supermarket). He is two years older than me, and he has so many health issues it's scary. he is seriously overweight, 18 stone and maybe five foot eight, sleep apnoe, he has to go to bed each night wearing a mask to monitor his breathing. I've had a tough day studying, can't get my head around the ideology of improvement (feel free to google for me!) so we were texting each other. When asked what he had done over the last couple of weeks, his answer was "dentist and work".

Now I've taken myself up north last week for lunch - on my own. I've mowed the lawn ( a personal thing as it is my most hated chore in the whole world, I frequentl mow over the cable!), tomorrow I'm going out quadding with a friend who owns a farm, my point is that life is for living. This guy is needy, in the fact he needs to get a life!

I'm 42, as said before.. I go out walking every day, I can still run down to the end of the farm track which is half a mile, my cottage is perfect, I'm not glamorous, I don't even own a pair of heels. However I want to live my life, its the classic sitting in the rocking chair aged 80 scenario, wondering what you would regret. I truly wouldn't regret anything.

I am glad I started this thread, I don't tend to come onto this site very often, I'm really interested to read all the posts.

Do keep posting! I love this thread

alyth

I should set up a blog! The reason why I'm at uni aged 42 is that I want to go and teach in China, I've been out there about 6 times and have studied at uni out there on an exchange programme. I am literally two weeks away from my final exams, and then I get my BA. it's incredibly scary, but also exciting.

However friends think that if I meet the "ideal" guy then I will stay... and that's never going to happen for two reasons. (a) I've not slogged my way through uni for four years, and I'm not naturally academic, I'm as thick as mince, so every assignment I pass is a major achievement. and (b) I don't want to be defined by someone. For 15 years I was Paul's wife and Paul's wife wasn't allowed to work because she had to be a corporate wife and be at home all day to pander to Paul's laundry, his dinner parties, and his cheating. Now I am me - when I get my degree, and I will do, despite having a panic tonight because I can't understand the ideology of improvement for an exam next week, but I will do by this time tomorrow, albeit with the help of google!

tayforth

Well, you're quite obviously not as thick as mince. You're an intelligent, articulate woman with a sense of adventure

How exciting that you intend to go to China! I love your plans, and your determination. And I wish you the best of luck in your exams xxx

paulineb_2

justme111 wrote: »

Well yeah in some respects we are different ,some like strawberry some pickled onions. in others we are the same , every human being bleeds when cut and feels pain when burnt and knows feeling of hunger is satiated by food ..
Ps. I did not mean it as everybody should want to be in a couple , I meant it as I can not possibly understand reasoning of those people who do not ..

Well what if you did want to be in a couple and just couldnt find the right person to be with? Or if you had had a few rotten relationships and wanted some time out. Im not talking about me, Im just thinking of different scenarios about why people might be single.

Its not a competition, the thing is, people expect humans to meet people, pair off, settle down, have kids.

But in my view its a brave someone who actually stands up and says Im happy on my own.

I have friends my age (44) who married very young, spent 20 odd years with people and were single for some time. I have friends who got married in their 20s and are now in marriage number 2.

Some people meet young and stay together for life, but looking back to when I was in my late teens, I met someone and loved them, but I was just a kid, I didnt have a clue about life, looking back Im glad I didnt marry that person.

We are all individuals. With different experiences to bring. And I dont just want to be part of a couple, I would want to be with someone who loved cared and respected me even in times when they might not like me v much and I would want to love care and respect them the same way back.

And I dont think Ive ever had a relationship where I have truly felt happy and fulfilled long term. I dont think Im too picky or have too high standards either.

Im happy with my life, if someone appeared next week and knocked my socks off, absolutely fine, if they didnt, absolutely fine.

Because after some really tough times in my own personal life I am now at a stage where I am happy with me, with my life, with the things Ive achieved and my family and friends and Im not looking for a partner to fill some kind of gap in my life, I think Id be going into any new relationship for the right reasons.

MarilynMonroe_2

I used to love living on my own, but after living with someone else for a long time and then not I find it very lonely. I can't remember how I filled my time in and didnt get bored.

neverdespairgirl

alyth wrote: »

(b) I don't want to be defined by someone. For 15 years I was Paul's wife and Paul's wife wasn't allowed to work because she had to be a corporate wife and be at home all day to pander to Paul's laundry, his dinner parties, and his cheating. Now I am me - when I get my degree, and I will do, despite having a panic tonight because I can't understand the ideology of improvement for an exam next week, but I will do by this time tomorrow, albeit with the help of google!

Good luck with your exams, and your dreams.

I certainly don't think that you should meet the ideal bloke and not go to China.

But I do think that it is perfectly possible to be in a happy relationship and not defined by your spouse. Paul is not the only model for a husband. I have a degree, I don't stay at home and pander to washing, dinner parties and cheating.

Steve059

Yes, I like being on my own.

Marlene Dietrich didn't say, "I want to be alone." She said, "I want to be on my own".

justme111

Alyth , I wish I did not even think that I am on my own. I see it as a weakness of me - to feely life would be better if shared. Mind , with all my yearnings I would not even think about giving up on China , more likely would lure him in going over there .