Are you happy on your own?

lostinrates

marisco wrote: »

In strong relationships you respect each other and come to agreement on finding a healthy balance between doing things together and seperately. There is absolutely no need for someone to give up alot of their passions, or to suppress who they are and what they enjoy doing from their life partner. I would seriously question what type of relationship someone was in, if they felt they couldn't be totally themselves. If that was happening it is highly likely they were with someone they were not compatible with.

There are exceptions. Because of my health restrictions we can no longer travel....a great problem both for fulfilment but also because none of dh's family live in this country. There is undoubtedly a restriction on him.

make_me_wise

I spent a couple of years on my own inbetween relationships and found it was a positive experience. OP you sound as if you are really happy with your life. I would ignore those that question your decisions and just get on with doing things your way.

geoffky

My wifes nan of 94 has been on her own since she lost her husband just after the war...She has had a good life on her own...

Saturnalia

I'm an eternal single and up until recently have been very upset about it, but seem to have turned a corner and am becoming a lot happier with single life.

I live with 8 housemates I get on great with and have a couple of other friends locally (I'd always struggled to make friends before and I think that was where a lot of my loneliness stemmed from) and am getting out-and-about and meeting more people, so that's made a big difference.

Also I know IRL and online quite a few people going through tough times in their relationships and it has made me question whether I can be bothered. Relationships seem to involve giving another person a heck of a lot of power to hurt you, and love isn't known as the best judge of character.

I seem to need a bit more time on my own than most people do, so I'd have to have a partner who felt the same... and hope his urge for me-time synchronised with mine!

Yes I miss the physical side of things... but I always think that if I felt that bad about being celibate, I could probably pick up a one-night-stand easily enough, and the fact that I've never felt interested in doing so clearly means it doesn't bother me that much.

Oddly enough, feeling happier about being single makes me feel that if it happened I'd be in a better place to start a decent relationship, and I'm feeling more like it could happen at some point rather than thinking it will never happen - then again I'm not in any rush for it!

alyth

I'm the OP and this thread has been incredibly interesting - and helpful to me. I'm very introverted, I work weekends in a supermarket as I'm a mature student, and someone and I'm sorry I can't remember who it was made a post earlier about when they come home from work and their partner wants to talk about their day and all they want is peace. I feel very much like that when I finish work on a Sunday, I've had to say the same thing over and over again for 20 hours, deal with screaming kids, rude customers, lug stuff over a checkout, I've been lucky in that I've never had a Monday class in 3 years of uni, so I adore my Monday mornings of peace, coffee, and solitude.

I have many friends, as some of you have pointed out in real life and via various forums I belong to - pet and history ones as that is what I'm studying. Being in a relationship isn't something I ever truly think of - there are many people scared of being on their own, and I'm proud of the fact that in five years I've put myself through uni, travelled in China, France and the States on my own, never had a red bill, survived without central heating for 18 months when I moved into this cottage. I lug in coal and wood on a regular basis, I maintain my own car (okay I put petrol in it, my dad does the rest but I can do the oil and water!) and I live in rural Scotland so twice over a four year period I've been snowed in for over a week. I've never run out of oil despite 90% of the people I know with oil heating having done this, and I've gone through the stress and worry each semester of exams, essays and public speaking - all on my own.

To me it would be a "chore" being with someone, I couldn't be bothered with their problems, issues, given my age - 42 - the chances are anyone I will will have baggage. I have none - 2 relationships in my whole life. If I want to, as I did this evening, put on my jammies at 5pm and curl up with my ipad, albeit I've spent the night watching youtube stuff on philosophy for an exam next week, then I can. In four months time, exam results permitting, I'm moving out to China to start a new life.

Too many people are stuck in a rut - I suppose I am lucky in that I'm willing to take a gamble, if it works in China then good, if not I'll come back and do something else. But there is no one to put a damper on my dreams, nothing to keep me here, and ultimately life is worth living without compromising.

treeze

I've been on my own for four years this week since my ex husband and I split.I'm 53 and can't imagine marrying again. My ex who I now get along with better than when we were married has had three or four relationships without really knowing what he's looking for-just someone to go out with I think. Fine,but I've discovered so much about myself on my own-things I would never have done if I'd jumped into a relationship and now I protect them fiercely. I've had the comments too and looks of pity..some people assume I live off ready meals for one (no, I love to cook) and say I can't possibly stay on my own,they'll fix me up and so on.I've never felt as lonely as when I was married and can eat,sleep,work and go out whenever I want.

Firefly

I've been only own for 15 yrs really apart from a few odd blips in the first couple of years of singledom. Usually it's fine but on bank holiday weekends I really hate it.

Aristocrat

Thank you for allowing us to read your thoughtful post; couldn't be more honest esp. given the amount of single-bashing that goes on particularly on mumsnet sites & such like with stones being thrown over prison walls. There's one thing everybody wants, and that's freedom & to not be accountable to anyone, to not run to anyone else's agenda, to not be burdened by others debts & resentment of & from supposed 'loved ones' otherwise known as spouses/kids/in laws/outlaws/school run, to be able to eat, sleep, when you like & just do the things you want. And no this isn't being selfish , it's being smart & strong. Marriage/relationships/kids might suit some but many wish they were on the other side of that wall.

alyth wrote: »

I'm the OP and this thread has been incredibly interesting - and helpful to me. I'm very introverted, I work weekends in a supermarket as I'm a mature student, and someone and I'm sorry I can't remember who it was made a post earlier about when they come home from work and their partner wants to talk about their day and all they want is peace. I feel very much like that when I finish work on a Sunday, I've had to say the same thing over and over again for 20 hours, deal with screaming kids, rude customers, lug stuff over a checkout, I've been lucky in that I've never had a Monday class in 3 years of uni, so I adore my Monday mornings of peace, coffee, and solitude.

I have many friends, as some of you have pointed out in real life and via various forums I belong to - pet and history ones as that is what I'm studying. Being in a relationship isn't something I ever truly think of - there are many people scared of being on their own, and I'm proud of the fact that in five years I've put myself through uni, travelled in China, France and the States on my own, never had a red bill, survived without central heating for 18 months when I moved into this cottage. I lug in coal and wood on a regular basis, I maintain my own car (okay I put petrol in it, my dad does the rest but I can do the oil and water!) and I live in rural Scotland so twice over a four year period I've been snowed in for over a week. I've never run out of oil despite 90% of the people I know with oil heating having done this, and I've gone through the stress and worry each semester of exams, essays and public speaking - all on my own.

To me it would be a "chore" being with someone, I couldn't be bothered with their problems, issues, given my age - 42 - the chances are anyone I will will have baggage. I have none - 2 relationships in my whole life. If I want to, as I did this evening, put on my jammies at 5pm and curl up with my ipad, albeit I've spent the night watching youtube stuff on philosophy for an exam next week, then I can. In four months time, exam results permitting, I'm moving out to China to start a new life.

Too many people are stuck in a rut - I suppose I am lucky in that I'm willing to take a gamble, if it works in China then good, if not I'll come back and do something else. But there is no one to put a damper on my dreams, nothing to keep me here, and ultimately life is worth living without compromising.

Saturnalia

Firefly wrote: »

I've been only own for 15 yrs really apart from a few odd blips in the first couple of years of singledom. Usually it's fine but on bank holiday weekends I really hate it.

I can be the same sometimes, but this time round I have made plans, plus have had a good few weeks of work and have been paid so can afford to do things.

Last night was supposed to be the pub with a pal, but by the end of the day we were both tired and not really up for it so cancelled and had early nights!

Today I have been out and bought trainers. I prefer to go shopping on my own, I can spend as long as I like looking at what i want to see and come home when I've had enough of it all. Tonight has been a quiet one with a Chinese & a cider and you lot.

Tomorrow I'm going on a Meetup group event to Crystal Palace park to see the dinosaurs! I've been before and the dinosaur lake is fabulous. I hope it is warm and sunny, and am looking forward to meeting new people and a stroll.

Monday I am weeding the garden at my new house and planting some seeds. I have Morning Glories & Sweet Peas to climb the fences, Swan River Daisies, White Allysum & indigo Forget-Me-Nots for the beds, and Black Magic Sunflowers to grow tall and attract bees & butterflies. I have a bee house on order too so I hope it gets some tenants in!

Lexxi

No, I want to be back with the man I married, snuggling up on the settee, going out for drives, cooking together, watching TV, lazy days in bed. Just a shame the man I left didn't still do those things.
I've just got myself a king size bed, after 12 months of settees and single beds, all I could think was how cold, lonely and huge it is on my own.
I managed fine on my own before, I always said I didn't need a man, I would choose to be with someone just as I have now chosen to be on my own.
I am struggling with the adjustment, I didn't get married for it to end, but I guess it is still earlyish days and I am still feeling a bit mopey. There was an awful lot going on with him, my house, job etc that I didn't have much time to grieve the end of the relationship so I know I will settle and feel better.
I just can't figure out why I'm missing cuddling up as he didn't do that for a long time before I left!