Boyfriend wont marry me is it time to leave

chrissyr60

I could be well off the mark but If he is now 32, I take it he was very young when you first got together....is this his first serious relationship and could this be the reason I.e, if you feel he isn't committed to you could he be feeling the need to experience life a little more? From such a young age I think 12 years is really good with or without marriage. we are all very different people between the ages of 20 to 32. Some people just outgrow each other. Unfortunately for all the advice or opinions we give on here, only you two can decide what's best for you all.

ecgirl07

tankgirl78 wrote: »

If you loved me so much wouldn't he want me to be happy and wouldn't my wants and needs be important to him?

Are his needs important to you? Dont you want him to be happy? Dont you want to fulfill his wants and needs which is not to be married?

Its a circular argument with both of you being right and both of being wrong. Talk to him and try and find a compromise - maybe a private ceremony just you and him and your kids no fuss.

Beware on this board because there is a definite wind of "men are bad" and before you know it your partner will be a controlling bully who is not marrying you as a form of repression.

Mojisola

dktreesea wrote: »

And if I were a guy I wouldn't want to be married to someone who wasn't physically attracted to me enough to always want to meet my physical needs. It works both ways.

I can't imagine being married to someone I didn't fancy. Much less who didn't fancy me.

But if was that bad, you won't stay in the relationship for 12 years, either.

If he's happy to stay in the relationship but not go through a marriage ceremony, this can't be the real problem.

Person_one

ecgirl07 wrote: »

Are his needs important to you? Dont you want him to be happy? Dont you want to fulfill his wants and needs which is not to be married?

He hasn't expressed any ideological problem with or other strong argument against marriage, he just keeps putting her off again and again.

We aren't anti-men here at all, sadly we do get a lot of female posters who come here upset because aren't being treated very nicely by their male partners, which can make it seem that way to people who aren't really paying attention.

katieclampet

Bennifred wrote: »

I know it's easy to say after the event (and I did live with my OH before we married - in the days when it wasn't as acceptable as it appears to be these days) - but I think sometimes these days people (men in particular) don't see the point of getting married if they get to live/sleep/have children with their partner without it.


I am probably very old fashioned, but i totally agree with this.

katie

Person_one

katieclampet wrote: »

Bennifred wrote: »

I know it's easy to say after the event (and I did live with my OH before we married - in the days when it wasn't as acceptable as it appears to be these days) - but I think sometimes these days people (men in particular) don't see the point of getting married if they get to live/sleep/have children with their partner without it.


I am probably very old fashioned, but i totally agree with this.

katie

I don't, nearly everybody who gets married these days has lived together first, so clearly co-habiting does not stop people wanting marriage.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

He hasn't expressed any ideological problem with or other strong argument against marriage, he just keeps putting her off again and again.

We aren't anti-men here at all, sadly we do get a lot of female posters who come here upset because aren't being treated very nicely by their male partners, which can make it seem that way to people who aren't really paying attention.

The anti men thing comes up more and more. the fact of the matter is that people come here when they have problems or issues to talk through, more of them are women than men and its sort of inevitable one hears more 'bad news' about men under those circumstances.

I couldn't be less anti men tbh. As a gender, they are the ones for me.:D

tankgirl78

He didn't have any serious relationships before and about 3 years into ours he did feel he was missing out on something so for a year he moved out and had his single life but when I found out he had been seeing other women I told him it was over for good and that's when he decided he wanted to move back home and try again and yes I forgave him and I don't hold any resentment about that time.
In the past when we have spoken about our future I have told him if he is not happy with me then he should leave but he has always refused to go and gets very upset by the idea.

thorsoak

Forgive me if you've already answered this - but have you suggested that the next move in your relationship should be marriage ?

Tamsin_Temrin

Are the legals in place? Wills, separate accounts, joint savings, pension etc? If he got hit by a bus how stuffed would you be?

Marriage or legals are vital. A cheap wedding is easier doing all the leg work to make sure that if he was to walk under a train you wouldn't be immediately kicked out of the house. btw you probably wouldn't be able to arrange his funeral as I don't think you would be next of kin.

If he won't marry (too cushy with you to find someone else but perhaps not as committed) then you need to get the legals lined up. I wouldn't rely on him to do that by himself either.