Boyfriend wont marry me is it time to leave

tankgirl78

I never said i didnt meet his physical needs i said i wasnt touchy feely, i dont hug and kiss people including him when saying hello that kind of thing but htis is the way i am and have always been that way there has been no change over the 12 years we have been together, which is why it just sounds like another excuse.

Goldiegirl

I'm just wondering how you see your life changing when you get married.

I imagine your feel it will change your life for the better, but I'm wondering what you expect to happen.

Marriage isn't a magic wand for a perfect life. The issues you have in life will still be there after marriage, so it won't change the fundamentals of your relationship.

Errata

tankgirl78 wrote: »

I never said i didnt meet his physical needs i said i wasnt touchy feely, i dont hug and kiss people including him when saying hello that kind of thing but htis is the way i am and have always been that way there has been no change over the 12 years we have been together, which is why it just sounds like another excuse.

Of course it's just another excuse - there will be more, he will never run out of them.

tankgirl78

I'm not expecting any physical changes from getting married but I'm sure I would feel emotionally happier within myself.

There is nothing wrong with our relationship other than the way it makes me feel that he doesn't want to marry me.

We enjoy a good social life together and separately, we have a few mutual interests neither of use is overly jealous or controlling. I can't see any other reason for him not wanting to marry me other than he doesn't love me enough.

Some of your replies have been really interesting and I don't feel quite so alone knowing others have been through the same and understand where I am coming from

Errata

There is nothing wrong with our relationship other than the way it makes me feel that he doesn't want to marry me.

Bluntly, he knows how you feel and he couldn't care less.

daska

tankgirl78 it sounds to me as if you're trying to 'fix' a problem by getting married, in the same way that many try to 'fix' things by having a child together.

The best advice anyone can give you is to work out what the problem is and then to decide what to do about it.

(Personally I don't think I'd be sticking around.)

ecgirl07

tankgirl78 wrote: »

I can't see any other reason for him not wanting to marry me other than he doesn't love me enough.

Or you dont love him enough not to be with him without him marrying you?

Or he loves you so much he does not need a bit of paper to prove it?

He has given you 12 years, a child and a shared life that sounds like a lot of love. You are fixating on a though that he does not love enough - is that your insecurity?

tankgirl78

ecgirl07 wrote: »

Or you dont love him enough not to be with him without him marrying you?

Or he loves you so much he does not need a bit of paper to prove it?

He has given you 12 years, a child and a shared life that sounds like a lot of love. You are fixating on a though that he does not love enough - is that your insecurity?

If you loved me so much wouldn't he want me to be happy and wouldn't my wants and needs be important to him?

Errata

tankgirl78 wrote: »

If you loved me so much wouldn't he want me to be happy and wouldn't my wants and needs be important to him?

Of course, all he's telling you is his wants and needs are more important than yours. Is there anything else you come second in?

Person_one

Last year, a friend of mine left her partner of 7 years over this very issue. He even let her start to plan three separate weddings and then changed his mind so she had to cancel them. They have two children together but I do agree with her that they are better off apart.

Marriage isn't just a piece of paper or a party where you wear a big dress, its an incredibly powerful legal agreement. It represents two people throwing their lot in together in every possible way, it provides security and certainty for everybody involved, and for a lot of people it has religious and/or cultural significance too.

A lot of people are asking the OP if its worth losing the relationship for the sake of a marriage certificate. The same question could be asked of her partner. If he truly loves her, values her, plans to stay with her for the rest of his life and he knows how important marriage is to her, why would he risk it all by not getting married? Why is his desire not to more important than her desire to?

OP, I don't think you'll ever feel the confidence in his love for you that your posts are screaming out for. You want to be able to know, deep down, that he cherishes you and that he isn't going anywhere. Marriage won't make that happen if its not happening already I'm afraid.

Have you considered going to Relate? You can go on your own if that would be better or if he won't.