Boyfriend wont marry me is it time to leave

lewisD70

If there's one thing I've learnt - it's communication. As tough as the conversation will be it's best to talk it out, find out his reasoning for not wanting to get married and in the end you need to make a decision that's going to make you happy as a person and as a mother to your children.

System

lewisD70 wrote: »

If there's one thing I've learnt - it's communication. As tough as the conversation will be it's best to talk it out, find out his reasoning for not wanting to get married and in the end you need to make a decision that's going to make you happy as a person and as a mother to your children.

Communication is the key in every relationship i think. If you dont talk to eachother, you dont know what the other person is thinking and you dont get to express yourself.

Stephb1986_2

Tankgirl - When you first became pregnant with your child together did you not sit and think "Do I seriously want to be with this person forever" even with the way he reacted over you being pregnant?

With you giving him an ultimatum would you really want to marry someone that didn't want to really marry you but did it because they are scared of being on their own because that's how I see your OH he is scared of being on his own.

What if you turn round and say I'm leaving and he says no don't let's get married you really think that will fix your relationship? Or the other senario is he turns round and says ok see ya, you have two kids.

Do you really want to marry this person who clearly doesn't want to marry you? I wouldn't want to marry my OH if he didn't want to marry me, you both have to be on the same page and not because the other one says so.

You have to think of you and your kids. But I don't think the marriage sticky plaster will work on this one because if you do go ahead and get married he might resent you for a long while making him do something he didn't really want to do.

Good luck

FBaby

gazzak wrote: »

Maybe it's just me, but forcing an ultimatum on someone you say you love simply proves you don't actually love them at all?

Marry me or I'm off? Seriously?

It's so much an ultimatum to marry her but to at least be clear as to what it is that he wants. I gather that she has been wanting to be married for 12 years, so she has been very patient and compromising. Surely it is not much asking to be clear whether there is any chance that marriage will happen and if so, when it is likely to be.

FBaby

Errata wrote: »

Clearly adults can make informed choices about what their last name should be. Children can't, and any adult that changes a child's last name strips away some of its identity; something the child can do themselves when they reach the required age.

I agree 100% with this as this is what happened when my mum decided to change my name when she decided that it should be changed. It totally stipped away my identity and hated it but didn't dare telling my mum. I changed my name back to my dad's the moment I turned 18.

My kids have their dad's surname, so we have three different surnames in our household. We my fiance and I get married, i will officially take his name but will keep mine at work and until papers are due to be renewed (not for 9 years for drivers licence and passport!). It doesn't matter at all to my kids. Their name is what their name has been for 10 and 13 years and I know they would hate to have to change it. They never cared that we had a different name. All it meant was that it was obvious that their dad and I were not married any longer, but there are so many other kids in the school in the same situation that it has never caused them any embarassement.