Boyfriend wont marry me is it time to leave

fredtheguava

I've been following this thread since it began, and one thing has really stood out to me...

- You say you don't feel 'loved' because he won't marry you
- He seems to say he doesn't feel 'loved' because you're not affectionate towards him, though you argue this is irrelevant because you never have been

It seems to work both ways. He hasn't ever married you, why should he change that if you're not willing to change what causes the uncertainty for him?

chrissyr60

tankgirl78 wrote: »

Being married to him would mean alot to me for many different reasons, it would be different if he had told me that he didnt believe in marriage or didnt want to ever get married to any one for wheatever reasons, but when ever we have spoke about it there has always been some excuse, the last time it came up he said i didnt make him feel loved because im not very touchy feely but thats the way i have always been its nothing new, im not a kissy touchy person with anyone, it just seems like another excuse to me.

Maybe like I said in a previous post; you were both much younger when you first met and maybe the fact that you weren't a touchy feely person then didn't bother him but as we mature sometimes our needs change too. Therefore where it was ok before, perhaps he feels it isn't now and he feels there's something missing. The same as your need for him to marry you...is it that or do you believe it's marriage that's missing where it could just be that you're not happy in the relationship full stop?

geoffky

Its a piece of paper i have never seen since the day i was given it...Do not kick sleeping bears..

dktreesea

Bangton wrote: »

Would you ever willingly decide that though? Is that the problem perhaps? He makes excuses because ultimately he just doesn't want to tell you he isn't fussed about marriage but is concerned about your reaction to that? Relationships are all about honesty and he should have told you but frankly your posting on here talking about leaving because he won't marry you.... who knows how your marriage discussions go but it sounds very much like it's your way or he doesn't care about you or love you enough. You should know how your partner feels about you with or without the marriage. You know in the way they act, talk and do things for you. From what you've said there are hints of you both feeling unloved and you should address that before you start kicking off that he won't marry you

If he was genuinely not fussed about getting married, surely he would just do it just to make his OH happy?

I would say in the OP's case the situation is the opposite; her OH is fussed about whom he wants to marry and doesn't want to marry her.

dktreesea

OP, you've stated your needs; your OH obviously doesn't want to meet them. He's stated his needs and you would appear not to want to meet those needs either. What is the point, beyond the children, of staying together when niether of you meet each others needs?

Person_one

geoffky wrote: »

Its a piece of paper i have never seen since the day i was given it...Do not kick sleeping bears..

Hmm, something definitely needs to be done about the fact that so many people thing a marriage certificate is just a piece of paper.

CC-Warrior

Is it something like 45% of marriages that end in divorce? Add to that all the unhappy couples that would love to divorce but stay together because of community/cultural/religious pressure... the odds of true happiness can't be good.

pigpen

geoffky wrote: »

Its a piece of paper i have never seen since the day i was given it...Do not kick sleeping bears..

Exactly.. I was most annoyed at having to purchase a replacement so I could divorce the cheating, bullying piece of crap money well spent though

I never even needed it for changing my surname when we first got it.

I got absolutely nothing positive or negative from the duration I was married (pertaining to the actual married status), it did however drag out the process of getting rid.. 10 months of hassle for a 20 minute crappy ceremony 15 years previously.

Person_one

pigpen wrote: »

Exactly.. I was most annoyed at having to purchase a replacement so I could divorce the cheating, bullying piece of crap money well spent though

I never even needed it for changing my surname when we first got it.

I got absolutely nothing positive or negative from the duration I was married (pertaining to the actual married status), it did however drag out the process of getting rid.. 10 months of hassle for a 20 minute crappy ceremony 15 years previously.

Well, as it stands it will be very easy for the OP's boyfriend to 'get rid'. Is that a good thing?

pigpen

Person_one wrote: »

Well, as it stands it will be very easy for the OP's boyfriend to 'get rid'. Is that a good thing?

He might well choose to do so if she harps on at him about marrying her when he doesn't want to.. it wouldn't be a positive thing for any relationship.

Neither could ever truly be rid now though as they have a child, that lifelong bond a marriage doesn't guarantee.