Boyfriend wont marry me is it time to leave

pinkshoes

Do you think your OH is with you because you have a child together, rather than because he wants to be with you?

If you didn't have a child together, would you still be together?

Your OH clearly does not want to marry you, so there is no point in forcing him.

You made the decision to have a child together, the child has 2 parents that love her, and your relationship is "fine", so why not just leave it at that? Surely what is best for your child is what matters?

Brighton_belle

pinkshoes wrote: »

You made the decision to have a child together, the child has 2 parents that love her, and your relationship is "fine", so why not just leave it at that? Surely what is best for your child is what matters?

I'm not sure having an unplanned pregnancy to which he reacted badly at the time, and abortion presumably not being an option for the OP is the same as 'deciding to have a child together'.

snozberry

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Then her OH should be honest and say very clearly that he is not, and never will be, interested in marriage, instead of leaving her feeling strung along and that it is all her fault if she argues in the wrong way etc. Ideally, he would then look for other ways of assuring her how much he wants to spend the rest of his life with her an how much she means to him.

As an aside, it is entirely possible to have a wedding than is minimal, only have those very close to you there and no flowers/music/readings. We did. Simple and stress free.

Yes but it's easier said (as in typing on here) than done. Cowardly, yes I know. Also, people need to be aware that we are only reading one version of events.

I know. That is precisely what we will be doing. Simple, stress free but it has taken a lot longer than 12 years for me to get to this point.

FBaby

snozberry wrote: »

Yes but it's easier said (as in typing on here) than done. Cowardly, yes I know. Also, people need to be aware that we are only reading one version of events.

I know. That is precisely what we will be doing. Simple, stress free but it has taken a lot longer than 12 years for me to get to this point.

But OP said he told her he had thought of it, but then decided not to after arguments, that's a very different stand to just not being interested in marriage all together.

tankgirl78

We don't argue about anything major and they are normally small 10 minute rows about silly things like leaving wet towels on the bed that kind of thing, we are not at each others throats 24 hours a day!

I am also not trying to force him to marry me I am trying to decide wether to leave him based in the fact that he doesn't want to marry me for what ever this years reason is.

snozberry

If you aren't happy and can't see a future with him then leave. Life is far too short. Only you know what is for the best and not a forum full of wannabe Claire Rayner types who don't know you from Adam. Harsh maybe but bitter experience teaches you to put number one first and not to settle for second best.

I just think the marriage bit is an excuse. Only stay if your problems are fixable. If not, then be brave and leave. Getting married is not and will never be the be all and end all. It won't change anything.

snozberry

FBaby wrote: »

But OP said he told her he had thought of it, but then decided not to after arguments, that's a very different stand to just not being interested in marriage all together.

Maybe he only felt comfortable enough to air his true feelings after a row. After all, that is when most of us sit down and talk properly.

pigpen

Leaving a functioning relationship because he doesn't want to get married is ridiculous. It sounds like you want to leave and that is the best reason you can think of... force him to marry you and you may find he resents you for it and leaves you first.. just be glad for what you do have, so many people are in violent, abusive, unhappy marriages too afraid to leave.. I know what kind of relationship I'd rather have.

Frugalista

tankgirl78 wrote: »

But he hasn't ever said he doesn't want to get married >>
<< If we had decided together that we didn't want to marry that would be different.

tankgirl78 wrote: »

I am also not trying to force him to marry me I am trying to decide wether to leave him based in the fact that he doesn't want to marry me for what ever this years reason is.

So which is it???

You haven't really given a definitive answer as to why it is so important to you to be married.

I'm sorry, but it does come across (to me, personally) that you do seem to be quite manipulative in trying to get your own way.

How do you see it affecting your child/ren when you break up the family because you can't force him into doing things your way. How will you explain it to them?

tankgirl78

If I was manipulative then we wouldn't be here now as we would all ready be married.