Boyfriend wont marry me is it time to leave

LEJC

marriage isnt for everyone....but it is for some....the key is finding the like minded person to share your life with.

I like being married...but I appreciate that its not everyones cup of tea ....what I dont quite get is why someone whould make excuses to not marry their partner if they knew deep down that was what the other one really wanted...


Life partnerships are about supporting eachother and working together,sometimes you have conflicting views and then its about compromise...

Both partners have to feel equal in the relationship,married or not and if the OP is really questioning the relationship and the sticking point is marriage then yes it is a case of either accepting the other persons reluctance to marry or go seek the marriage aspect elsewhere...

gazzak_2

lostinrates wrote: »

No, it's possible to say I want marriage in my life but I love you. Without marriage I don't feel secure/reciprocally loved/appreciated) and I have Come to accept that despite my love for you I am not satisfied. I would love to marry YOU, but if you don't want to marry me I have to accept that, but that must also force me to question whether I accept this is the right relationship for me.

Nice answer, appreciated.

pigpen

lostinrates wrote: »

Names seem to be a recurring topic for you pigpen!:)

The thing that intrigues me about this is what about the other children from the marriage with a different name from you if you name change?

Is that any different to me using my maiden name (or other randomly chosen surname) which would be different to everyone in my family (except my dad I don't have anything to do with)?

I've been mulling this over for a few months.. I'll just keep chewing it over until I decide to speak to OH about it.. which might be when the baby arrives.

lostinrates

pigpen wrote: »

Is that any different to me using my maiden name (or other randomly chosen surname) which would be different to everyone in my family (except my dad I don't have anything to do with)?

I've been mulling this over for a few months.. I'll just keep chewing it over until I decide to speak to OH about it.. which might be when the baby arrives.

I don't know because I don't know you in to, but ATM the children who live with you who are not your partners share your name, they might feel a bit 'left out' if you change. (You might always speak of your ex with respect and kindness at home i don't know, but i do know my half sibling felt.....left behind when my mother remarried and there were the three of us and just her with her 'neer do well papa'

It's not really a judgemental pondering, just a curious one. I cannot imagine how the dynamics of such a large family work and remain harmonious!

pigpen

lostinrates wrote: »

I don't know because I don't know you in to, but ATM the children who live with you who are not your partners share your name, they might feel a bit 'left out' if you change. (You might always speak of your ex with respect and kindness at home i don't know, but i do know my half sibling felt.....left behind when my mother remarried and there were the three of us and just her with her 'neer do well papa'

It's not really a judgemental pondering, just a curious one. I cannot imagine how the dynamics of such a large family work and remain harmonious!

I don't see why it makes any difference to them, they will all still share their surname, they are old enough to understand why I don't want to be associated with that name any more and that I don't like him and it is up to them if they do or they don't. I try not to b!tch about him in their presence, though occasionally it is difficult.

I think it would be different if there was only one of them being 6 it means it is less important they share their name with me. I didn't care when my mother remarried, (so my younger sister didn't have my dads name on her birth certificate) so I doubt they'd care.. I'm just 'mum' to them, I don't have a person name.

Plus the older ones think I am a nutter for still using his name anyway given how he treated me. :rotfl: I do use my maiden name for some things though which just confuses me more and isn't the same as any of the children. It isn't something I am going to do in a rash decision or fit of rage, it is getting lots of thought.

I'm just getting a bit confused.. what do people dealing with the younger children call me? Mrs OH? Miss Maiden name? Mrs Ex's name? Surely that is more confusing for everyone, inc. me? We had this situation yesterday at opticians for one of the littlies and I honestly didn't know what to say to call me.. none of the names seem appropriate or correct.

Errata

Clearly adults can make informed choices about what their last name should be. Children can't, and any adult that changes a child's last name strips away some of its identity; something the child can do themselves when they reach the required age.

pigpen

Errata wrote: »

Clearly adults can make informed choices about what their last name should be. Children can't, and any adult that changes a child's last name strips away some of its identity; something the child can do themselves when they reach the required age.

Changing childrens names depends on the circumstances and has nothing to do with what is or has been discussed.. assuming you are referring to the posts between lostinrates and myself.

Lost.. I think we are doing a thread hijack..

System

Clearly adults can make informed choices about what their last name should be. Children can't, and any adult that changes a child's last name strips away some of its identity; something the child can do themselves when they reach the required age.

Really? I must run that by my eldest children who took on their StepFathers surname at the age of 5 and 6 as their biological Father abandoned them at the age of 2 and 3.

It was done so they didnt feel left out when me and my husband had children together. Nothing to do with stripping away their identity but making them feel loved and secure in our new relationship.

paulineb_2

My brother had his surname changed at the age of two to mine, so he has the same surname as me and my mum reverted back to her first married name when her second marriage ended, mainly to have the same name as me.

My brother only legally changed his name when he was 17 because he needed a passport and he didnt want to get one in the name he was registered as, its a bit different in Scotland I think, wasnt done by deed poll, theres a name for the document he had to sign, declaration of something, will need to look it up, had to pay a fee and declare that that was the name he was known by and that he wasnt changing his name for any fraudulent reason and that was it.

Ive always kept my dads surname because I like it, it goes with my first name, and by the time I was ten and my mum remarried I didnt want to change my surname.

Yes your surname is part of your identity but if people have valid reasons for changing a childs name when they are young enough for it not to concern them, fine.

Id only be concerned if someone forced a name change on a child and they were old enough to say they didnt want it and it went ahead anyway.

Robin_TBW

Get married on your death bed when you've got savings to spend and make the most of the IHT breaks. Until then, divorce is much more likely so avoid the trouble.