Daughter being bullied at school and via the internet

FatVonD

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Why isnt it practical to have a bath everyday? If you've not got a shower she should be having bath not a strip wash. Honestly you are causing her problems. Get a grip and put your child first and let her get her personal hygiene to an acceptable level.She will be having her periods and you are not allowing her to have a bath everyday!.Thats scandalous
Do you know that you are neglecting your childs needs? You could be referred to social services. You need some help as its not the dark ages anymore. Your daughter needs to be clean and fresh not stinking because your too tight to let her have a bath. You sound really clueless.

^This^

Has she started shaving under her arms yet? If she hasn't then anti perspirant may not be able to get onto the actual skin to do its job.

Amanda65

OP, firstly I feel really sorry your DD and wanted to say what a good relationship she must have with you and her Mum to get you involved.
However, you must now help her.

You have not mentioned how old your DD is but I assume she is secondary school age and she therefore should shower / bath every day if she has a problem with body odour. I too do not understand why she can only have a bath every 2-3 days - when your body is developing this is simply not enough!

You say your wife 'stands over her' while she washes - tbh I find this rather 'odd'. Why does your wife feel the need to do this?

Finally (and I appreciate that this is very delicate so will try and word it carefully) is she smelly from her armpits or are there odours from other parts of her body? Is she actually sweating a lot or is the odour from other parts of her body not being cleaned adequately (especially if her mother is 'watching' :eek:).

This in no way excuses the bullies and I think they should be dealt with but am not sure exactly what the school can do and would be tempted myself to involve the parents.

ostrichnomore_2

I'm with the others.

1) see the school again re the bullying. And what they are saying about data protection is codswallop - you are an individual not an organisation so not covered and 2) Facebook postings aren't covered by the act in any way.

2) WHY can't she have a bath every day? She probably is stinking. And how can she possibly wash properly with no privacy and someone watching her...I doubt very much her 'bits and pieces' are getting a proper scrub up rather than a quick embarrassed wipe with a damp flannel. Seriously, your wife watches a teenage girl wash her genitals? That's plain old weird. How humiliating for the poor girl.
If you don't permit her to bathe because of time - she can get up earlier. There were 6 of us all sharing one bathroom every morning and I promise you we all had a quick bath or shower. I'm sure she wouldn't mind getting up at 5am if it stops her ponging.
If it's the cost of the hot water - this HAS to be a priority. It's basic hygiene. It's creating a problem for your daughter. She doesn't need a whole bathful, she can wash herself properly in a few inches of water if need be. Better than using a damp flannel, for sure.
The shower units that just plug into the taps work fine too.

The days of one or two baths a week being normal are long gone, and thank goodness.

daska

Despite the fact that many posters are assuming it must be a hygiene problem it is also possible that the excessive BO may have a medical or dietary cause including but not limited to diabetes, infection, eating foods that can aggravate BO or due to a lack of certain minerals such as magnesium etc. Yes puberty can aggravate these things but it isn't the only possible reason and IME most kids go through puberty without stinking regardless of the number of showers or baths they may or may not take.

I don't smell. I wash the bits that need washing very effectively using a basin of water and a sports bottle. I can't actually remember the last time I had a shower and I haven't had a bath in at least 3 years. Not lazy, disabled.

lostinrates

I'm in the minority here, I get away with a strip wash sometimes,( various reasons, ideally I would shower or bath daily, and because of nature of parts of my life twice daily is sometimes necessary) but there is no way I could do this thoroughly while being watched. If I had a B0problem it would not suffice. Fwiw, for about a week a month I do make showering daily a priority, because even though my odd odour is very low most of the month I find it changes before menstruation and the best way to deal with this to respond with the requisite cleaning regime.

Also, check the smell is leaving the clothes once washed....it does n't always and some pretreatment or washing change might be required.

Also, are her bras being washed daily?

My heart aches for this girl entering womanhood. Change is hard enough, but she needs to be prioritised to meet the needs of her body.

ostrichnomore_2

Hi Daska - your situation is a bit different.

There is a good reason why you strip wash, and it obviously works for you.I'm sure you smell lovely :-)

It isn't working for this poor girl, with all her teenage hormones and probably just not doing a great job of the wash with mum in there, and there doesn't seem to be a good reason why she can't bathe.

kittykarate

I remember working with someone who always smelt off, from full on 'URGH' to a little bit whiffy. Turned out he was drying all his clothes by hanging them on radiators etc. in a damp house and I don't think they were drying quickly enough and were getting an old washing/mildew smell. So his clothes were permeated with a stink before he even put them on. He started smelling 10 times better when he moved to a house with a tumble drier.

daska

ostrichnomore wrote: »

Hi Daska - your situation is a bit different.

There is a good reason why you strip wash, and it obviously works for you.I'm sure you smell lovely :-)

It isn't working for this poor girl, with all her teenage hormones and probably just not doing a great job of the wash with mum in there, and there doesn't seem to be a good reason why she can't bathe.

The point I was trying to make is that it's bloody silly to assume puberty and not having a bath every day is the one and only possible reason for problem BO.

As has been pointed out, not just by me, it could be:
poor hygiene
poor laundry facilities
re-wearing smelly clothes
diabetes
infection
diet
mineral deficiency
etc.
etc.
etc.

j.e.j.

notanewuser wrote: »

No way would I allow my daughter to use antiperspirant - the ingrediants can cause cancer. Get her some pitrok - not easy to find but it stops the smell before it starts so that it doesn't need masking. And no nasties.

I also prefer to use a deodorant that's as natural as possible. While I don't know if it's true that the plethora of industrial chemicals they put in anti-perspirants can cause cancer, common sense should tell you that PREVENTING the body from releasing sweat is not healthy. The toxins don't just magically disappear. There are many natural ways of preventing body odour. PitRok is good, you can also use it on the soles of your feet! I often use plain old bicarb. Just put a little bit of it under your arms, apply it like a talc. I have never had odour problems when doing this.

It also isn't USUALLY necessary to have a bath every single day. As long as you wash every day (underarms and groin area) there's no reason why you should smell.

I think there may be more going on here than meets the eye. The girls are bullying her on the internet, and telling her she smells. Has she actually got BO, or are they just being b*tchy little bullies?

lostinrates

daska wrote: »

The point I was trying to make is that it's bloody silly to assume puberty and not having a bath every day is the one and only possible reason for problem BO.

As has been pointed out, not just by me, it could be:
poor hygiene
poor laundry facilities
re-wearing smelly clothes
diabetes
infection
diet
mineral deficiency
etc.
etc.
etc.

All of these could be causes, and resolving them is of course the best move, but whatever the cause, increasing hygiene until the situation is resolved is going to help.

Personally my ideal is a quick shower for 'heavy dirt' (i have dogs and horses and a garden and am often muddy) followed by a bath. I 'feel' clean and relaxed most after this sorts preparation, but of course it's not a daily thing. In the ideal world I would bath or shower daily though. While there are solutions, as you and I know a thorough strip wash should leave one spotless and odour free and should in most cases be adequate) this solution is NOT working here. I would also tentatively suggest that a kid of pubescent age is probably indulging in sports or vigorous activity if not daily then hopefully most days, and so is likely to work up more of a sweat and places for 'smells to grow'.

I also think there are 'strip washes' and 'strip washes'. The first polite and relatively ineffectual type might be what I did infront of my mother. The second involves more than one basin being filled, and a strict order of events, and preferably, privacy, if one is an able bodied teen. Once she knows the order to washing and is reminded of places often forgotten, or perhaps newly relevant. I also find a throrough strip wash to be at least as long and less comfortable than a shower personally.