Daughter being bullied at school and via the internet

Annisele

I think you have three (related) issues:

• The bullies
• Your daughter's response to the bullies
• The BO.

You can't force the bullies not to torment your daughter. You can certainly try to prevent it - and I think going to the school is the right approach - but ultimately you can't make another person do what you want.

On the second point, I do NOT mean that I think your daughter is responsible for the bullies' behaviour. But on the grounds that her life would be easier if she cared less, I think it might be worth trying to cultivate a "don't care" attitude. That would probably be easier for her if she didn't have the BO issue - it's easier to ignore taunts of "you smell" if you don't actually smell.

If it'd be at all possible for you to make it practical for your daughter to bath every day, I think you should do that. Whether or not it makes an actual difference to the BO, it would probably make a lot of difference to her confidence.

You don't say how old she is, but if she's old enough to have BO she may also be old enough to find her mother supervising a strip wash a humiliating experience. You might find she gets cleaner without the supervision, as she does things properly rather than trying to get the experience over with asap.

You might also find that she actually needs to bathe more often than you and your partner. Every two or three days really doesn't sound like enough for a teenager. (When I was about 15 my hair went through a stage of turning into a grease factory within ten hours of washing it - now it doesn't get that bad even if I leave it for a week).

Finally, the BO. Have you taken her to the GP about it at all?

valk_scot

In addition to the other suggestions make sure she's not wearing too many synthetic fibres. Pure cotton is best for blouses and camisole tops and either a cotton or wool school jumper. Also cotton for undies. I know natural fibres are more expensive but polyester and acrylic hold body odours, natural fibres don't. She does need clean clothes every day.

Also make sure your DD washes her hair regularly, hair gets sweaty too. If you don't have an over the bath shower you can get one that clips onto the bath taps and it's far more economical that filling a bath re hot water. Even without a clip on shower it's perfectly possible to have a full hair wash and "shower" with a big bucket of warm water and a jug while standing in the bath, I've done this for many years while camping. A facecloth type strip wash really is not a good solution if someone has a BO problem tbh, they need a full all over wash every day.

foxwales

You as an individual are not bound by the Data Protection Act. So you are well within your rights to make the parents of these bullies aware of the torment they are causing your daughter.

The DPA only protect individuals data held by organisations, not by individuals.

In your instance, this constitutes a civil matter unless they are making threats of violence which would be considered a criminal matter.

Stamp it out and stamps it out now. I don't want to read another story where a child has committed suicide because of bully torment.

If your child has body odour issues which are normal for teenagers, encourage her to shower every morning, buy her deodorants and anti perspirents and avoid meals which contain pungent foods, such as garlic, heady spices etc.

Best of luck

notanewuser

Treevo wrote: »

I assume you'll be able to back up that statement with a multitude of peer-reviewed studies?

Either way, stopping the BO is better than masking it.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

A bath every few days isn't enough if she smells to the extent of getting abuse from other kids at school.

Buy a shower attachment for the taps. It's just a few pounds.

DD2 is experiencing some problems in that field, and the GP suggested, to knock out the smell before it starts, to use hibiscrub (£8 in Boots) to shower with each day. At the same time, washing at hot temperatures (60 for shirts, 40 for jumpers), not using fabric softener (as it's food for bacteria to stay on) and drying clothes quickly.

She's using antiperspirant and changing all her clothes daily.

It's working for her. And there is no way anyone would or should be supervising her cleaning herself at her age.




But maybe I'm a bit more sympathetic/realistic; my mother insisted that a bath more than once a week, simply wasn't necessary for anybody. The nickname Greaseball wasn't my favourite; Boil wasn't any better - nor was 'Tramp'.

coolcait

valk_scot wrote: »

In addition to the other suggestions make sure she's not wearing too many synthetic fibres. Pure cotton is best for blouses and camisole tops and either a cotton or wool school jumper. Also cotton for undies. I know natural fibres are more expensive but polyester and acrylic hold body odours, natural fibres don't. She does need clean clothes every day.

Also make sure your DD washes her hair regularly, hair gets sweaty too. If you don't have an over the bath shower you can get one that clips onto the bath taps and it's far more economical that filling a bath re hot water. Even without a clip on shower it's perfectly possible to have a full hair wash and "shower" with a big bucket of warm water and a jug while standing in the bath, I've done this for many years while camping. A facecloth type strip wash really is not a good solution if someone has a BO problem tbh, they need a full all over wash every day.

These are all tips which I would have given in order for your daughter to address the practical problem of the BO.

You might also have to make sure that you're washing her clothes at the right temperature to get rid of any lingering BO smells.

And, as someone else has said, your daughter needs to have clean clothes every day.

As for the bit about her mother supervising the strip wash :eek::eek::eek:.

Give the girl some privacy, and use all the other practical tips for dealing with a problem which would be embarrassing enough anyway.

There's nothing I can add to the information you've already been given about dealing with the bullying.

splishsplash

Treevo wrote: »

She has a hygiene problem so 'it's not practical for her to have a daily bath' doesn't come into it. Make it practical.

A shower would be better than a bath. You could buy a shower attachment for the bath taps, OP, which means you use less hot water along with better results.
Daily proper hairwashing is more than likely also needed.
Adequate washing powder and sufficiently hot water for washing school clothes, and make sure they don't pick up cooking/house smells while drying/airing. If the clothes still smell a bit of BO after washing, then chuck 'em and buy new ones. If she has two school jumpers, she can have one to wash and one to wear - one will certainly dry in 24 hours. Those school sweaters are usually synthetic and really can not be worn two days in a row.

Most teenage girls, once they hit puberty, start a routine of skin, hair, nail and body care. This is considered normal, not vain or extreme. Most of your daughter's classmates will shower and wash hair daily, blowdry and straighten hair, use skincare products, make-up and body sprays/perfumes etc. Their nails are always really long, impeccably manicured, shaped, polished and usually crackled or electrified or some such thing.
My house always smelt like a cross between a brothel and a meth lab before school thanks to my two daughters. If they had friends getting ready with them, I could have used a machete to cut through the fumes upstairs. A gas mask would've been useful too. My girls and their friends were not unusual or excessive in their habits. I work in their school every so often, so I can say that with confidence.

Hopefully you can now see why a strip wash is inadequate for a teenage girl with a problem, unfortunately.

What your daughter has had to endure is horrible. I hope you can work with the school and put an end to the catty comments. I think you need to be aware though, that teenage girls usually do put a LOT of time and effort (and money:eek:) into looking and smelling gorgeous every day. Level the playing field for your daughter and encourage her to do the same, or she'll be coming from behind the whole way through school. Oh and for sure, change her FB settings to private.

Annisele

splishsplash wrote: »

Their nails are always really long, impeccably manicured, shaped, polished and usually crackled or electrified or some such thing.

I'm getting old - I have no idea what electrified nails are...

Also childishly amused by "splishsplash" advocating washing.

neverdespairgirl

dori2o wrote: »

. She has a full strip wash every morning and at night (on the nights she doesn't have a bath) with her Mum so we know she has one and doesn't just run the tap.

.

How old is she? If she's older than about 10 (which I assume she is, bearing in mind BO is normally a puberty+ thing( then having her mother stand over her while she washes sounds weird. I'd have loathed it.

mountainofdebt

splishsplash wrote: »

My house always smelt like a cross between a brothel and a meth lab before school thanks to my two daughters..

I could always tell when Junior was off meeting girls as our house smelt like tart's boudoir at the front door!

And to think I had to cattle prod him into the shower once upon a time

Op for what's its worth I hate having a 'good wash'.......in summer I've been known to have 3 showers a day!