Daughter being bullied at school and via the internet

splishsplash

Annisele wrote: »

I'm getting old - I have no idea what electrified nails are...

Also childishly amused by "splishsplash" advocating washing.

well, ok, it's Electrify nail polish/glaze, not electrified :rotfl:.

Here's the crackle glaze.

bodmil

splishsplash wrote: »

A shower would be better than a bath. You could buy a shower attachment for the bath taps, OP, which means you use less hot water along with better results.
Daily proper hairwashing is more than likely also needed.
Adequate washing powder and sufficiently hot water for washing school clothes, and make sure they don't pick up cooking/house smells while drying/airing. If the clothes still smell a bit of BO after washing, then chuck 'em and buy new ones. If she has two school jumpers, she can have one to wash and one to wear - one will certainly dry in 24 hours. Those school sweaters are usually synthetic and really can not be worn two days in a row.

Most teenage girls, once they hit puberty, start a routine of skin, hair, nail and body care. This is considered normal, not vain or extreme. Most of your daughter's classmates will shower and wash hair daily, blowdry and straighten hair, use skincare products, make-up and body sprays/perfumes etc. Their nails are always really long, impeccably manicured, shaped, polished and usually crackled or electrified or some such thing.
My house always smelt like a cross between a brothel and a meth lab before school thanks to my two daughters. If they had friends getting ready with them, I could have used a machete to cut through the fumes upstairs. A goas mask would've been useful too. My girls and their friends were not unusual or excessive in their habits. I work in their school every so often, so I can say that with confidence.

Hopefully you can now see why a strip wash is inadequate for a teenage girl with a problem, unfortunately.

What your daughter has had to endure is horrible. I hope you can work with the school and put an end to the catty comments. I think you need to be though, that teenage girls usually do put a LOT of time and effort (and money:eek:) into looking and smelling gorgeous every day. Level the playing field for your daughter and encourage her to do the same, or she'll be coming from behind the whole way through school. Oh and for sure, change her FB settings to private.

This is a bit OTT in my opinion, washing hair every day is often not needed. My hair needs it, but a friend washes here's twice a week. I never used products or straightened my hair at school, no make up etc. Just a rough dry and a brush, I was presentable but not there for a fashion show ultimately and many girls will be the same. Puberty may be the start of shaving and showering and washing and whilst blow dries and manicures may be acceptable in schools in this day and age I do think they're excessive. Girls that do a lot less are not unusual and don't need to be encouraged to do all of that to fit in.

dandelionclock30

dori2o wrote: »

The school said they would have all the kids involved in to 'talk' about internet bullying.

We are on our daughters account and we have blocked these other kids. She has to be in the room to use the internet and she can't use it in her room as I took the wireless adapter out of her laptop and she has a d-link usb wireless adapter which stays with me or her mum when she isn't in the room with us.

It isn't practical at the moment to have a bath everyday and we don't have a shower. She has a full strip wash every morning and at night (on the nights she doesn't have a bath) with her Mum so we know she has one and doesn't just run the tap.

She uses 24 hours anit-persperant and tops up during the day.

She has a new school shirt on everyday, but she only has 2 school jumpers, owing to the fact they are almost £20 each. She has them on for 2 days max.

Why isnt it practical to have a bath everyday? If you've not got a shower she should be having bath not a strip wash. Honestly you are causing her problems. Get a grip and put your child first and let her get her personal hygiene to an acceptable level.She will be having her periods and you are not allowing her to have a bath everyday!.Thats scandalous
Do you know that you are neglecting your childs needs? You could be referred to social services. You need some help as its not the dark ages anymore. Your daughter needs to be clean and fresh not stinking because your too tight to let her have a bath. You sound really clueless.

splishsplash

bodmil wrote: »

This is a bit OTT in my opinion, washing hair every day is often not needed. My hair needs it, but a friend washes here's twice a week. I never used products or straightened my hair at school, no make up etc. Just a rough dry and a brush, I was presentable but not there for a fashion show ultimately and many girls will be the same. Puberty may be the start of shaving and showering and washing and whilst blow dries and manicures may be acceptable in schools in this day and age I do think they're excessive. Girls that do a lot less are not unusual and don't need to be encouraged to do all of that to fit in.

It's a bit OTT in my opinion too - but that doesn't make it any less true. It's not a question of just being presentable - the OP says his daughter has a problem with body odour, and this is what she's being teased about.
I was trying to make the point that the daily routine followed by my girls was not OTT at all compared to others. They were certainly not at school for a fashion show, but you and other adults may not be aware that many/most teenage girls take personal grooming to a very high level. That's why I said these routines would not be considered excessive or vain. There's a world of difference between fitting in and being singled out as having B.O.:(.
So if the OP's daughter is having an issue in this area, it's no harm to show the OP another perspective and show him that maybe it would be no harm to facilitate his daughter so that she doesn't have to think of herself as 'having a problem'.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

The plastic shower heads that push onto the tap/taps cost from about £4 for the type designed for the sink to about £20.



You could, if you wanted to avoid your daughter being insulted for smelling so unpleasant, alternatively buy a mixer tap. With those, you take off the bath panel, turn off the water to both taps, drain the remaining water by opening the old taps, then remove the taps with a spanner and replace with the new mixer. Then use a drill to fix the shower bar on the wall at a height where you can stand underneath it without pulling too much upon the shower hose.

Add a telescopic rail and a £5 plastic curtain and you have a cleaner daughter who is more pleasant to sit near for about £60 all in - and I've never encountered a landlord who would say no to this, if you rent.



It's simple. She needs to wash more. Even if other people didn't need to as teenagers, she quite obviously does because she smells.

bodmil

BO and manicures are worlds apart.

OP- is your daughter a healthy weight? I don't think excess weight will help matters in case that is an issue too.
I wouldn't be banning her from the internet, taking over her accounts or restricting her access, it's not her fault. Encourage her to be open and communicate with you, and teach her to use thew internet responsibly and in a healthy way. You need to give her more control of the situation, not less!

bedpotato_2

If she has a BO problem then normal deodorants that you buy in high street shops will not be any use. The best deodorant you can buy (in my opinion and experience) is this one:

http://www.sweatguard.co.uk/strong_deodorant_for_excessive_sweating

Yes, it is EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE compared to other deodorants, but quite honestly it's worth it because a little thing like BO can really ruin your life.

eskimo26

My sister has hormonal problems and i researched it and brought her a deodorant with Alum Salt.

The sticks last ages and ages and she was amazed that 'one of my eccentric recommendations actually works.'

For those that don't know it doesn't mask the smell like a body spray or stop you sweating like an anti perspirant, but rather the natural salt makes it a hostile environment for the bacteria that causes BO to grow.

Just make sure to follow the instructions as i believe there has to be some moisture to apply it.

Also a spray but obvious they don't last anywhere near as long.

http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/pages/product_detail.asp?pid=864&prodid=951&cid=252

http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/pages/product_detail.asp?pid=1824&prodid=1974&cid=252

It's not exclusive to h+b either.

sharp910sh

Make her have a shower/bath every day. She is a growing child, she will have body odor. The best way she can combat this is to have a proper shower. Wearing deodorant will not hide the smell.

I had a friend who stank and never washed, he bought all the perfume in the world. He still stank. So make her bathe!!

RachRubyD

From someone who has suffered with excessive sweating I can tell you it isn't nice at all. I wasn't bullied about it as I would literally spray myself to death with perfumes just in case. I was bullied for everything else in-between like being to pale, being a nerd (I wish I was that clever) and weight issues. I ended up never being able to eat infront of people and becoming obessive with how I looked exercising for hours every night. Now am 22 I don't care anymore and found that my college friends don't either.

Tell your daughter the reason why people bully especially girls is because they are jealous. If they didn't bully your daughter about her BO then it be something else. They have just found her insecurity and using it to make themselves feel better.

Most people have a quick bath everyday or shower in the morning. Just a quick wash down takes 10 minutes and actually helps to wake you up. A good deodorant would be great as well. I feel for this girl like she is being punished for being bullied. Making her sit with you or she can't go on internet when its not her fault she is being bullied. I understand you want it to stop but if it was me then i'd just see my internet time being monitored as a punishment at that age.


Its good she has came to you and I know how hurtful bullying can be. Those mean words stick with you even though you know you should shrug them off. I'd try and get her off facebook its terrible.Or block the people who doing it at least. My whole class once literally got into a massive fight via facebook.

Is she also been bullied at school or just the internet?

If I was her i'd tell those bullies how can they smell any BO when their heads are so far up their own !!!!!!.

Tell your daughter to listen to Taylor Swifts Mean thats a song about bullies. Taylor Swift was bullied terrible in school and used song writing as an escape. So even famous celebs have been bullied tell your daughter an look at them now.