Too late to back out? (Meeting a guy from Facebook)

paulineb_2

Hes married, therefore hes unavailable. As for your future, lets say he falls in love and wants to be with you, you really want to build a future with someone on the back of someone elses unhappiness.

This is a dream, its fantasy, not reality. You dont know him. I started a relationship last year long distance with someone I had spoken to online almost every day for 6 months. It took a couple of months for the best side of him to drop and for him to act like a complete twit when I needed support with other things. In fact I ended it the week I was going through hell at work, because he was unavailable.

Having offered him a lot of support when he was in crisis. Relationships are based on trust or they should be. I couldnt trust my bf in the end, he was online looking for other people all the way through our relationship. Im twice your age plus a few years which might put me into the old fogey category but I know enough to know that you are vulnerable, this guy is taking the proverbial.

And for gods sake, have a think about your safety. Meeting someone you barely know is complete and utter madness for more than one reason. He could be anyone.

And yes, after you sleep with him if you do, be prepared to feel very low and awful when he goes back to his wife and kids and doesnt want to speak to you again, because its very likely things will pan out like that.

Married = no go area. Steer clear of him, its going to end in disaster.

victory

It's true, you say you can't imagine being without his facebook/skype chats and want it all to stay to keep you happy but as has been said sleep with him, you are going to nose dive back into depression and more besides because when he goes back he will become unavailable and will leave you feeling so much worse about yourself and the situation it will take a long time to get over.

Try being friendly with your work mate, he may be a laugh and that is what you need, light hearted fun, get out there, go and enjoy yourself:D

Tropez

tigercubx wrote: »

I know if I do back out though he will get really annoyed because I already have done once before and my worst nightmare is him blocking me on Skype, not awnsering my calls etc, the only time I feel happy is when I'm talking to him. I have got a guy who keeps flirting with me at work but I feel like I'd be ruining my chances with nick (guy from New Zealand) if I talk to him and he doesnt compare to nick at all even though he is similar looking and nice personality. I know my logic is messed up but I'm a messed up person lol

You realise he only gets annoyed because you're acting like a !!!!!!-tease by backing out? He thinks he's got you in the palm of his hand, and his winky is all excited by the prospect of nailing some young, naive and probably attractive girl, only for you to pull out at the last minute.

If he actually thought or cared about your feelings, he wouldn't get annoyed. He would understand and appreciate what a horrible situation he is attempting to force you into. He doesn't care about that though. What he cares about is the conquest and his desires.

What you need to do is go to a GP and get a psychology referral. This guy isn't going to make you happy, he's going to make you damn miserable.

neverdespairgirl

tigercubx wrote: »

But I'm not forcing him to meet me and I have told him that I'd feel bad for his wife but he's always saying let me see how we go I've always wanted to live in England, like surely even if I don't meet him he will meet someone else in the future and cheat on his wife anyway? I have been cheated on before by several of my exes s I definitely know how it feels but if he isn't happy with her anyway then what's the point in staying with her if he realises he likes me more?

If you see a man lying bleeding in the street with £5,000 in notes in one hand, do you help yourself on the grounds that if you don't, someone else will?

You say you've suffered from depression in the past. I can't imagine a more sure-fire way of ensuring that you continue to suffer from it than taking up this man's offer.

If he isn't happy with his wife, then he should man up and face those problems. He should either fix his relationship with her, or end it. Then he's in a position to start a new relationship, but he's not now.

If you had any sense at all, you'd realise that this man's trouble.

I wouldn't mind betting that this man has said something along the lines of "my wife doesn't understand me", while telling you that you understand, that the two of you share something special.

<pause while I reach for the vomit bag>

My darling Granny used to say that men whose wives didn't understand them were actually in the opposite situation - their wives probably saw through them all too well.

Skippycat

Judging by your posts on this thread and your absolute blatant disregard for any of the sensible advice given to you I think it's clear you have already made your mind up as to what you are going to do before you even posted. No doubt you 'll meet up with him, shag him and then turn up on this forum in a few weeks whining that he has taken advantage of you and expecting lots of sympathy and making yourself out to be the victim. The only victims in this are the poor wife and kids. I'm bowing out of this thread now as I find it sickening that you would not only choose the path that is so blatantly wrong but that you obviously get some sort of kick out of bragging about your plans on a public forum.

neverdespairgirl

tigercubx wrote: »

I know if I do back out though he will get really annoyed because I already have done once before and my worst nightmare is him blocking me on Skype, not awnsering my calls etc, the only time I feel happy is when I'm talking to him. I have got a guy who keeps flirting with me at work but I feel like I'd be ruining my chances with nick (guy from New Zealand) if I talk to him and he doesnt compare to nick at all even though he is similar looking and nice personality. I know my logic is messed up but I'm a messed up person lol

I'm going to refer back to my analogy from the previous page - you are determined to run towards the pothole, and it's so inevitably going to be a bad ending, that it's almost purient to read this thread any more.

gazzak_2

tigercubx wrote: »

Even though he was annoyed

Nice bloke.

heartbreak_star

As my mum likes to say - as an analogy - "don't come running to me when you fall and break your leg".

I'd wish you luck, but frankly I'm not sure you deserve it, tigercub.

What I do hope is that you learn a valuable lesson about yourself.

HBS x

FBaby

So you are obsessed, as in psychologically, and he has become some sort of drug, something you know is bad for you, but the obsession is such that you can't say no.

Please, go and see your psychiatrist. This is very dangerous. He is a manipulator and he is using you. How dare your sister introduce you to someone like this when she must know you are fragile. He has no proper qualification and was never going to be a good support for you.

You need to accept that no matter how much you want all this you MUST tell yourself no to the temptation. It is only going to bring you pain. How do you feel when you are deeply depressed? This situation will only make you feel the same, except much worse. Is it really worth it? You need to sort out your addictive behaviour. It is NOT normal to feel so strongly about someone you have only been involved with on line, someone who you know is not a good person.

thehappybutterfly

tigercubx wrote: »

I know if I do back out though he will get really annoyed because I already have done once before and my worst nightmare is him blocking me on Skype, not awnsering my calls etc, the only time I feel happy is when I'm talking to him. I have got a guy who keeps flirting with me at work but I feel like I'd be ruining my chances with nick (guy from New Zealand) if I talk to him and he doesnt compare to nick at all even though he is similar looking and nice personality. I know my logic is messed up but I'm a messed up person lol

So is this the same 'nick' you used to live with back in January whom you thought was carrying on with your cousin?

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4387525

hmmm :think: