Too late to back out? (Meeting a guy from Facebook)

tigercubx

My older sister lives in New Zealand. I haven't seen her in years but she added me on Facebook last Christmas. I have struggled with depression for several years and we got talking about it, and she said that her friend is a speech therapist for children but as part of his training he had studied psychology and conditions such as depression in detail over quite a long period of time.

So she passed on his Facebook to me, and we got talking, it moved onto Skype calls and FaceTime. He was nice, understanding, etc. I actually fell for him really quickly, over the Internet, sad I know. At first it was conversations about my depression; I really opened up to him and he understood, and I could talk to him and confess to him about a lot of traumatic things I've never told anyone before.

At first I wasn't that attracted to him even though he's gorgeous because i knew he was a married christian with four kids so in a way i just didnt want to allow my self to become obsessed with him. Plus he is 34, I'm 21 and I prefer men my own age. But slowly I began to become more and more attracted to him (he looks like Christian bale haha).

He is the one who began flirting with me & before long we were skyping everyday. Sexual conversations, sexual webcam chats, etc. We were going to meet in feb but I backed out, I couldn't bring my self to meet him when I knew he had kids and a wife (I only know because I have his Facebook, had I met him some other way I know he wouldn't have told me). Even though he was annoyed I didn't want to go through with meeting him in feb he still carried on talking to me and we've become closer.

Anyway he rang me today, said he had a suprise and sent me a pic - he's got a plane ticket & is coming to England to meet some guy he knows in London on the 21st and wants me to meet him :eek::eek: I want to; I think he's amazing, he's gorgeous, he's my dream man basically and far too good for me

But obviously, he has a wife and kids. And I guess I could meet him just as friends, but I know he doesn't want to be just friends .. I don't want to back out - I pretty much love him, I want to be with him. But meeting him will cause a lot of guilt, and I know I will only get to see him for three days and he will go back to nz and never contact me again once he's got what he wants. I like to think he genuinely likes me, but I definitely like him a hell of a lot more.

So do I move on, or do I meet him? He doesn't know my address, but he knows the (small) village I live in so omg what if he comes to my house if I don't show up and go to London lol.

heartbreak_star

Don't even think about it.

HBS x

CC-Warrior

Recipe for disaster. Don't do it.

FBaby

DON'T GO THERE...

What good will it do? If something happen, you will just feel guilty and terrible...and become more obsessed...if you nothing were to happen, you will still become more obsessed...and in both cases, NOTHING good can come out of it.

What really concerns me is that you say you suffer from depression. This episode can only bring bad feelings and you are risking of making your depression even deeper.

Please stay away. It makes you feel good, tells you what you want to hear, but that's all you have got and all you ever will get from him, words that make you feel good.

Treevo

Christian Bale in American Psycho or Christian Bale in The Machinist?

sharp910sh

Meet him, he is your dream man. He seems perfect for you. He can leave his wife and kids for you.

Hopefully it works out!!

marisco_2

Let me get this right OP. Your idea of a dream man who you consider to be far to good for you, is someone who flirts, skypes, has sexual conversations and webcam chats with a much younger woman behind his wifes back! Are you being serious here? He sounds like a manipulator who has been grooming you.

Why you would find someone who behaves in that manner attractive in any way is beyond me. He is treating his wife, the mother of his four children, with contempt and betraying her trust in him. Those are not the actions of someone who is loving and caring or who has any decency or integrity.

Maybe it is just me but I wouldn't touch that sort of man with a bargepole. Have some real respect for yourself and stay away from him. He will try to have his way with you, use you for meeting his own ends and then walk away without a care. He will be treating you like dirt. Are you really considering letting that happen?

balletshoes

He's a married man, he wants a shag and then to go home to his wife and kids and forget about you altogether. All you are is an English shag. Thats it.

I'm sorry to be harsh, but this man is an awful excuse for a human being, he really really is.

Do yourself a huge favour and delete delete delete him from your life.

tigercubx

FBaby wrote: »

DON'T GO THERE...

What good will it do? If something happen, you will just feel guilty and terrible...and become more obsessed...if you nothing were to happen, you will still become more obsessed...and in both cases, NOTHING good can come out of it.

What really concerns me is that you say you suffer from depression. This episode can only bring bad feelings and you are risking of making your depression even deeper.

Please stay away. It makes you feel good, tells you what you want to hear, but that's all you have got and all you ever will get from him, words that make you feel good.

You're definitely right but I don't know how to go about telling him, I've already told him I know I will miss him too much if he comes then goes and that I feel bad for his wife but he is always just saying its okay baby I will come and see u every weekend when I can(as if) and that he isn't happy with his wife and that I'm nicer looking etc. I know if I stop talking to him though I will miss him so much and just feel like part of me is gone he's the only person I can talk to and I have a psychiatrist but I feel more comfortable speaking to him.

icklejulez

Unless you've ever been a wife who's been cheated on you can never understand the pain it causes a woman.

Don't do it, save someone the hurt. If he's going to do it anyone, let it be another female. No matter what kind of dream man he is, who would want a man that would cheat on his wife and destroy his children's future for sex?

coinxoperated

It depends what your expecting from the 'meet'.

If your expecting him to never return home and stay weigh his new wonderful 21 year old wife no 2 and live happily ever after - its extremely unlikely to happen. + you'll never be able to trust him as he's clearly a scumbag

If you fancy 'a bit' and want to 'scratch an itch' so to speak, go for it. I'm sorry, but his wife and kids are his problem not yours. If you don't he'll just find someone else that will, so feel free.

Do not expect him to declare love / leave wife etc for you.