What Do I Do

tesuhoha

balletshoes wrote: »

or it could smack of depression.

Well I suppose so but sometimes I feel that depression is used as an excuse for an awful lot of things. I'm not saying it isn't easy to comfort eat or that depression isn't a terrible thing. However, people need to take some responsibility for themselves and help themselves, not rely on other people. If she has any intelligence at all she will know what she is doing to herself.

*max*

tesuhoha wrote: »

To just ignore it and carry on eating to that level and think its okay to look like that, smacks of self indulgence and slovenliness.

Why would it not be "ok to look like that"? People are perfectly entitled to look the way they do, no one body shape is more "ok" than another!

Now of course if the person is unhappy about it and/or it starts affecting their health, then it becomes "not ok".

Plenty of people are fat/big/large, whatever you want to call it, and perfectly happy though.

FBaby

Dunroamin wrote: »

She might indeed be very lonely, living with someone lke the OP seems to be.

On the opposite, living with someone who accepts me as I am even if as I am makes me unhappy and unhealthy would be a very lonely place for me. I hope my OH would be there for me to make me see what I am doing to myself and help me get back on the right track.

tesuhoha

*max* wrote: »

Why would it not be "ok to look like that"? People are perfectly entitled to look the way they do, no one body shape is more "ok" than another!

Now of course if the person is unhappy about it and/or it starts affecting their health, then it becomes "not ok".

Plenty of people are fat/big/large, whatever you want to call it, and perfectly happy though.

Personally, I don't think its a good look. We are not designed to be grossly overweight and if an animal gets that big it is usually put on a diet. So as for it being attractive, well, I suppose there are people that think it looks good to have a huge fat belly, rolls of fat, legs like tree trunks and a double chin but those people get stared at in the street and have to keep up the jolly fat persona.

It used to be highly unusual to see a fat person and they were looked on with pity. Now times have changed and it is the norm. Maybe in the future it will be a form of beauty especially if food becomes more scarce but it just seems to me that obesity is a product of this sick over indulged society we live in and its not a natural state.

FBaby

I think it is sad that people have been jumping on the first part of the post and not the second half

ive raised this issue with her before, she gets into a frame of mind that yes ill start losing wieght, and that all she does is start, and never follows it up its all over in the first 2-3 weeks and it back to normal, ive spent hundreds on equipment, they never get used or they get sold on, i bought a console and some fitness games that she asked for and they have never been used, "too hard" she says or i dont like that one.

ive encouraged her friends have encouraged her, ive been supportive of her losing wieght everystep of the way, now i cant be bothered to raise the issue no more, i know what the outcome will be, am i being selfish here? to want to be physically attracted to her again, to be able to cuddle and kiss her again, want to go to bed with her again rather than passing?

how do i get motivated in raising the issue, only to be shown it was all for nothing again when she starts and only goes so far and gives up like previous attempts, whats can i do to change her frame of mind when she starts and prevent her giving up on it.

The question is what can I do to HELP her to remain focus and motivated not should I leave her because she is fat and I don't love her any longer.

tesuhoha

Maybe she should try the 5:2 diet. That's really easy to do.

Person_one

balletshoes wrote: »

or it could smack of depression.

Or just of the fact that its very easy to gain weight and very hard to lose it!

I imagine its even harder when you've got more than 9 stone to lose, it must seem like standing at the foot of a mountain with everybody telling you how easy it is to get to the top.

Person_one

tesuhoha wrote: »

Maybe she should try the 5:2 diet. That's really easy to do.

Its also bonkers and unhealthy.

tesuhoha

Person_one wrote: »

Its also bonkers and unhealthy.

You are totally wrong there and thousands of people on the diet would agree. Also what could be more unhealthy than being 19 stone?

I have been doing the 5:2 since last August. I have lost over a stone in weight, have more energy, have lost all fat round my waist, my crippling IBS has eased and I am completely cured of acid indigestion. I now weigh 8 stone, 10lbs and I am in my sixties.

In fact everyone I know on this diet has had positive results both weight and healthwise.

merlin1

thewalkingdead wrote: »

i fear for her health and care she is not tall and now she's finding problems with herself, her hips hurt, her back hurts, shes finding lumps (checked out nothing to worry about) getting out of breath quicker.

Have you expressed your fears to her OP?

my wife has never really had a sex drive,

Big problem with contaceptive pill for many women, myself included, Has she tried other methods? Also has she had a full blood work done? thyroid, hormones etc?

ive spent hundreds on equipment, they never get used or they get sold on, i bought a console and some fitness games that she asked for and they have never been used, "too hard" she says or i dont like that one.

Throwing money at the problem is not the answer. She may well have asked for them, but imho these machines and games can be a very solitary lonely thing, and if she doesnt see results quick enough, her mind will be saying "too hard, why bother"

ive been supportive of her losing wieght everystep of the way, now i cant be bothered to raise the issue no more, i know what the outcome will be, am i being selfish here? to want to be physically attracted to her again, to be able to cuddle and kiss her again, want to go to bed with her again rather than passing?

There are ways to be supportive and a biggy for me is actually getting involved, not buying stuff or with words but physically yourself too - like right now. Get the kids and your wife on their feet and go for gentle walk. hold her hand. It doesnt have to be about vigorous excersise.

Walking and getting some air will enable conversation to flow, and the excersise will be happening without you even realising it. but it does take commitment from both you, there is no easy fix. She may start to feel more supported that way - her partner and best friend actually engaging in the battle with her?

how do i get motivated in raising the issue, only to be shown it was all for nothing again when she starts and only goes so far and gives up like previous attempts, whats can i do to change her frame of mind when she starts and prevent her giving up on it.

My bold above - very simplistic view maybe, but I hope it helps,