What Do I Do

balletshoes

FBaby wrote: »

What is sexy is how the others sees you.

I don't agree with that - whats sexy to you is whats sexy to you - if you think you look sexy, then you do. Whats sexy to other people is purely subjective.

Some women who are medically overweight can feel sexy, so they are sexy.

But I do agree that if a woman is not happy with her weight, its her attitude change (ie going from feeling happy/sexy/content to not feeling one or more of those things) which can affect her relationships with her partner and family/friends around her.

FBaby

I don't agree with that - whats sexy to you is whats sexy to you - if you think you look sexy, then you do. Whats sexy to other people is purely subjective.

Whichever way you put it, if you think you are sexy but get no vibes back that others agree, you are not going to feel sexy for long. You see women who try so hard to be sexy, think they are, but don't understand why they don't get the response they want back. This is usually the case with older women trying to look younger.

But I do agree that if a woman is not happy with her weight, its her attitude change (ie going from feeling happy/sexy/content to not feeling one or more of those things) which can affect her relationships with her partner and family/friends around her.

Agree but to me that's a 'and' rather than a 'but'.

[Deleted User]

But we all surely want to get vibes back from ONE person , to be honest , no point hundreds of men finding you attractive if your own husband doesn't

That's the one which really matters and has the biggest affect on your self esteem

I'm sorry but I was under the delusion that if you LOVED someone you would ALWAYS find them attractive , hence couples in their 60's , 70's and beyond still looking at their partners with admiration for their beauty which comes from WITHIN

I wouldn't lose weight to get my partner excited , if I don't excite him the way I am then he can sod off , literally! And I mean that most sincerely!

Its all about the ''outer'' now and not enough about the ''inner'' and what about being attracted to the person as a whole???

If my husband put on weight I'd still be jumping on him lol because it's HIM I love , nomatter what size and he hasn't changed into a different person and is still my stud muffin in my eyes!!! ... Then if he wants to lose weight for himself then no pressure from me , just by his side always , loving him always - I actually think thats beautiful and sorry to say it is not the wifes FAT which is disgusting but the husbands attitude towards it / his dear wife!!!

I don't want my husbands eyes popping out of his head because of my SHAPE ( or size ) I want his eyes popping out of his head because IT'S ME!

thunderbird

OP seems to have disappeared?

delain

thunderbird wrote: »

OP seems to have disappeared?

Well he's not getting the answers he wants

I think the wife is probably depressed, I had a period where I put on about 4st... I have lost half that and am still going down and am enjoying feeling fitter and not sluggish all the time.

Still, OPs wife has more than doubled in size, she must be eating pretty much 24/7 to maintain it and that extra will really be overworking her heart.

[Deleted User]

Anyway I though it was called ''making love'' ie expressing the LOVE you have for each other

Not based on them looking like a !!!!!! queen or something lol

Anyway , if that's what you want I suggest you go elsewhere as a woman under pressure to stay slim because of fear of her partner not finding her attractive anymore doesn't sound like a good relationship to me and God FORBID when the stretch marks come and everything goes South , oh well , there's always plastic surgery to keep your partner happy...

But being 'happy' in that type of relationship aren't the words which spring to mind as it's all about appearance and pressure to always ''look good'' and the priorities seem skewiff somewhere along the line , so I would say trade her in for a slimmer model = problem solved or preferably she gets rid of you , loses the weight naturally coz she is HAPPY and meets a guy who always has the hots for her because she is who she is and he values her for herself! :j

FBaby

But we all surely want to get vibes back from ONE person , to be honest , no point hundreds of men finding you attractive if your own husband doesn't

Totally agree with this, that's why it is important to me to try what I can so my partner still finds me attractive. Attractiveness for my partner is about making natural efforts to stay attractive.

I'm sorry but I was under the delusion that if you LOVED someone you would ALWAYS find them attractive

Really? In the 60s and 70s, many men had affairs with younger women, but the wife said nothing because divorce was thrown at. Men will still go on and have affairs with more attractive women yet still love their wives deeply. I am not saying that a man having an affair is the wife's fault, absolutely not, but yes, you can lose physical and sexual attraction for someone you love.

I wouldn't lose weight to get my partner excited , if I don't excite him the way I am then he can sod off , literally! And I mean that most sincerely!

To me, that's a very selfish attitude. What happens to compromise being the best way to a successful marriage? I am not saying that a wife should always remain the weight their partner desire, but to put on massive weight, knowing that this is a turn off to your partner and to say 'if you don't like it, tough' isn't to me the way to deal with something that is clearly an issue.

If my husband put on weight I'd still be jumping on him lol because it's HIM I love , nomatter what size and he hasn't changed into a different person and is still my stud muffin in my eyes!!!

And that is good, but there might be something he would do that would be an automatic turn off that wouldn't be for another couple. Say, looking at !!!!!!, some women have a massive issues, others don't care. Some women are totally turned off by their partner masturbating, others are not. It's not about what is right or what is wrong, it's about both partners finding each other attractive.

Person_one

delain wrote: »

Still, OPs wife has more than doubled in size, she must be eating pretty much 24/7 to maintain it and that extra will really be overworking her heart.

Not at all.

It doesn't much at all to slowly pile on weight, as I'm sure you know yourself. You only need to eat a few hundred excess calories a day to put on half a pound pr a pound a week, which could mean 3 or 4 stone in a year without necessarily pigging out or eating 24/7.

thehappybutterfly

You seem to be on a bit of a crusade cazza. You think the OP is being self-centred for wanting his wife to lose weight for her health but also because he's not finding her attractive. Your attitutude is a tad self-centred too, don't you think? "my husband can sod off if he no longer finds me attractive". That's a terrible attitude to have! We all have a responsibility to keep our relationships alive and that includes looking after our looks and health.

Attraction isn't about being shallow. If my hubby's not well, maybe with a heavy cold or a, ahem, bad tummy, I'm not exactly wanting to get him into bed but I'm happy to cuddle up and look after him. If he was to put on a load of weight by overeating or if he gained a beergut or stopped shaving, bathing etc then I definitely wouldn't find him sexually attractive.

What I'm trying to say in a clumsy way is unattractiveness caused by illness etc is not a barrier to fancying someone but wilful neglect is.

I'm siding with the OP here. I believe he genuinely loves his wife as he feels bad that he's not attracted to her and wants her to look after herself.

FBaby

What I'm trying to say in a clumsy way is unattractiveness caused by illness etc is not a barrier to fancying someone but wilful neglect is.

I don't think you are clumsy at all, on the opposite, I think you have express what I feel much better than I!