What Do I Do

[Deleted User]

''i do appreciate her, she has stood by me through all my pain and suffering with my injuries i sustained at work, i adore the ground she walks on.''

I had a feeling she had been there for you , time for you to be there for her , she didn't leave you alone in your pain and suffering so it is sad to leave her alone in hers! :-(

She may be mistreating herself and not looking after herself properly and has lost her confidence but sounds like she has not mistreated you and was there for you and supportive in your time of need so does not deserve to be rejected and neglected ( what has she actually done WRONG for you to withdraw your affection and communication from her? )

Plus if you 'adore' someone you SHOW IT surely???

I can't help being affectionate , caring and supportive to those I adore , my daughter has struggled a bit with her weight even though she is stunning , gorgeously curvy in all the right places and no shortage of admirers but weight is still a sensitive issue to her too...

She said if her buff boyfriend put on weight after marriage she would still hug him , kiss him and be affectionate to him and support him , it seemed to go without saying! x

( It does sound like she is a lonely woman and probably does feel very alone in it all unfortunately and sometimes you can feel more alone in a relationship than out of one )

view

thewalkingdead wrote: »

im worried for her, health wise, contraceptives are a really big point, but mainly she is only allowed to have the rod, due to her family history of being sensitive to other types.

im not about to leave my wife, i want to support her, i want her to remain in good health, i want her to feel sexy, i want her to be happy.

OP read my post earlier, that may help to think about conversations. I thought your heart was in the right place, and I think it is. Wish you all the best.

Mojisola

thewalkingdead wrote: »

Me and the Wife have been together for 11 years.

We are in our late 20's have children rent our home etc.

Now, my wife was an attractive woman when we met, over the years and having children wieght has seemed to pile on her, she was 9 and a half stone when we met and now she's closing in on 19 stone

Some people who put on a lot of weight have a deep unhappiness/discontent in their life - could your wife be getting comfort from food because of the way she is feeling?

Maybe she looks back and thinks - 11 years ago I was slim, active and making the most of my life and now I'm a mother to children and a carer/support for my husband. What's happened to me?

That's not to say that she minds putting other first all the time but it's possible to get overwhelmed and feel as if you have no control over your life and no space for your needs.

Perhaps if she could get her life back into balance, she'll have less reason to find comfort in food and more reason to stick to a diet. It's certainly worth looking at a low carb or the 5/2 diet but the answer may not be with food itself but stopping substituting food for other needs.

tesuhoha

vodkachick68 wrote: »

Apologies for sounding thick but what is 5:2 diet?

Hi

Its a diet where you calorie restrict for two non consecutive days a week (say Monday and Thursday). Women are allowed up to 500 calories and men 600. The rest of the time you can eat normally without calorie counting. You can have treats but best not to pig out totally.

Its easy because you just don't go over that 500 calories because you know next day you can eat. Overall, there is a deficit of calories over say a month and you lose weight and inches. Its supposed to help with preventing dementia and is generally good for the health. There is a thread on here about it in detail.

Mojisola

Also called the Fast Diet - http://thefastdiet.co.uk/

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4115289

System

As others have said, she needs to be the one to want to make the change.

Personally i found my gp to be quite helpful, she refered to me the weight loss services so i have access to a dietician etc and that helps with the healthy eating, and also a discounted gym membership. I'm probably near your OH's size and i can understand some of the reluctance to doing exercise is partly cos you feel everyone is looking at you, but tbh i've not found that-everyone is so engrossed in their own thing they don't pay attention. I've also taken up zumba classes twice a week-there are women of all shapes and sizes there-and its a good laugh as well as being good exercise, and i've met some nice people too-would she consider something like that? Also, though it didn't work for me would a structured programme like slimming world work for her? I have seen other people get results with this.

I guess in some ways i'm lucky my bf met me at this size, he's never known me slimmer but i think his approach to helping me lose weight has been the right one.

He encourages me to eat the right things, and when he's here we stick to that, and he encourages me to exercise too. it perhaps helps that he wants to lose weight also. Its also helped because despite struggling to get results, he knows exactly how much effort i am trying to put in toi loosing weight and how important it is to me. I would have given up long ago were it not for his unconditional support. And i think thats the key thing-i know he'll support me no matter what. So maybe your oh needs to know you'll support her no matter what too.

tesuhoha

Mojisola wrote: »

Some people who put on a lot of weight have a deep unhappiness/discontent in their life - could your wife be getting comfort from food because of the way she is feeling?

Maybe she looks back and thinks - 11 years ago I was slim, active and making the most of my life and now I'm a mother to children and a carer/support for my husband. What's happened to me?

That's not to say that she minds putting other first all the time but it's possible to get overwhelmed and feel as if you have no control over your life and no space for your needs.

Perhaps if she could get her life back into balance, she'll have less reason to find comfort in food and more reason to stick to a diet. It's certainly worth looking at a low carb or the 5/2 diet but the answer may not be with food itself but stopping substituting food for other needs.

On the other hand it might cheer her up immensely and boost her self esteem if she manages to successfully lose weight.

tesuhoha

I would like to add that I lost weight on the 5:2 without any exercise whatever apart from a few toning exercises.

thewalkingdead

cazza your twisting it now.

you seem to think im deliberately shying away from her, deliberatly trying to make her feel worse.

show i adore her! i do and i didnt say i didnt adore her.

you seem to have the opinion that me what feel this way are pigs and bullys perhaps thats an insecurity in your life that your reflecting in these posts.

i dont totally agree with all your saying, i dont totally agree on your views, ive taken your critisisms and thought about them and that isnt what im doing to her.

the fact is i thought i would share my problem form a male perspective and get some advice on approaching the situation, it seems because im disabled she and she cares for me i should put up and shut up in the views of others.

how ive supported er in the past in losing wieght:
not only purchased things
i have verbally been supportive, your looking great hun keep up the hard work, i help her research and make sense of diets, i help get into a routine, i encourage the good things, she sets goals and make them realistsic for her, she would set agoal that would be unrealistic 1 stone per month etc wich is unrealistic unless you use drugs and laxatives and make yourself sick, i help ease her into excersize rather than go all out and wreck herself.
i rewarded her when she lost weight and when she didnt so her moral didnt get quashed.

just because i need care doesnt mean i cant care for her in otherways and take her for granted to wich some of cazz's posts seem to point at.

thewalkingdead

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

As others have said, she needs to be the one to want to make the change.

Personally i found my gp to be quite helpful, she refered to me the weight loss services so i have access to a dietician etc and that helps with the healthy eating, and also a discounted gym membership. I'm probably near your OH's size and i can understand some of the reluctance to doing exercise is partly cos you feel everyone is looking at you, but tbh i've not found that-everyone is so engrossed in their own thing they don't pay attention. I've also taken up zumba classes twice a week-there are women of all shapes and sizes there-and its a good laugh as well as being good exercise, and i've met some nice people too-would she consider something like that? Also, though it didn't work for me would a structured programme like slimming world work for her? I have seen other people get results with this.

I guess in some ways i'm lucky my bf met me at this size, he's never known me slimmer but i think his approach to helping me lose weight has been the right one.

He encourages me to eat the right things, and when he's here we stick to that, and he encourages me to exercise too. it perhaps helps that he wants to lose weight also. Its also helped because despite struggling to get results, he knows exactly how much effort i am trying to put in toi loosing weight and how important it is to me. I would have given up long ago were it not for his unconditional support. And i think thats the key thing-i know he'll support me no matter what. So maybe your oh needs to know you'll support her no matter what too.

access to services where i live is dire, theres not a dietician in my area at all and have to travel 50 miles and wait upto 6 months for the refural to go through.

the GP encourages her to lose weight, has given her orlistat but she doesnt like the side effects of them and tend not to take them on a regular basis, even though i would remind her.

she doesnt binge eat, we eat home cooked meals, at structured time and dont eat after 8pm.

she knows that i will support her and encourage her i have told her many times over.

she's been to dance classes zumba etc, her friends go with her and then they drop out and then she gives up.