What Do I Do

tesuhoha

Could she be a secret eater?

piglet74

When I first met my OH I was a size ten, over 16 years I went to a size 24, now back to a size 12 for 2 years (and determine to stay here!)

You can't change her frame of mind, only she can do that,

Losing one stone a month is really dooable and a very realistic target while on orlistat and slimming work (been there done that! See my sig)

Slimming world really isn't a diet, its something you can do for the rest of your days, which I intend to,

It could well be that she is depressed and comfort eating, maybe your disability is getting her down, maybe her caring duties are too much for her,

Sorry if I missed it, but does your wife work outside of the home?

thewalkingdead

thorsoak wrote: »

She's not the only person who has physically changed in your marriage - you have too!

You don't say what ages your children are - but she is your main carer - so does that mean that you are on benefits and an impaired income?

I'm not surprised that she gets depressed - as your main carer, she must feel that everything depends upon her - and maybe, just maybe she resents your worrying about her weight, thinking that you are only worried about her not being able to care for you. It's not unusual for a carer to subconsciously resent the position that they find themselves in!

my girls are above 5 years old and younger than 10 i cant say too much without giving myself away.

my daughter requires alot being ADHD.

im self sustainable in the home i can manage about the house, its when im really ill (comes in waves) i need more care.

im due to have more operations to try and relieve some the disability.

my benefits consist of contribution based ESA support group, i pay x amount in rent and x amount in council tax wich will increase once UC kicks in, i get LRC and HRM DLA, my daughter gets HRC and LRM. we are not in debt as such, but my daughter ruins allot of houshold goods weekly, and most of the time she goes through things quicker than we can afford to replace them, she needs mattress every 8 weeks as she still has problems with toileting and is part of the ADHD she wont sleep on a protector as she dont like the feel or the sound they make and temper tantrums sets her desctructive move into overdrive, so i end up with alot of smashed up things and broken door hindges ruined carpets etc.

so the money we do have is mostly allocated to other means in the household.

tesuhoha

The only thing about losing weight quickly is that she may have a problem with excess skin. Tell her this when she gets discouraged. Its better to lose it slowly, keep it off and tone up so that her skin has time to adjust. Of course I think there comes a time when the skin is so stretched that there is no way back but hopefully she is not that bad yet.

I know a young girl who was very obese and she slimmed down slowly and she has taut skin, no problem at all.

Person_one

Your poor wife, if she is taking comfort in food I can't say I blame her, she has an awful lot to cope with.

I don't think diet recommendations are what you need, I think you all need some proper support. Are there any charities for your disability/condition? Have any of you ever seen counsellors?

thorsoak

I know I don't know your wife - but in my opinion she is very unhappy, and that is why she is overweight! As you say, 11 years ago, she weighed 9 stone, you were both fit and healthy, and the two of you were a happy young couple.

Look at her life now: her husband is unable to work, she has two children, the youngest one having problems, and who creates havoc in the house - and she is also overweight.

Can you not see the connection? "Comfort eating" is aptly called.

tesuhoha

Yes, after reading the last post it does seem she has a lot to cope with. Maybe you need to have a very long in depth talk about your life together.

raven83

I don't often reply to threads much but I felt quite compelled to.

7 months ago I was 19 stone 3lbs, I have always been meaty, but over the last couple of years my weight ballooned and I got stuck in a rut of feeling down over my weight, therefor comforting myself with fattening food. I didn't feel sexy or very good about myself at all if I am honest. I had tried dieting and always giving up after a few weeks then gaining more weight, I just couldn't seem to stick to it, and the more it chipped away at me.

But the stick that broke the camels back was when I got on the scales and I was over 19, in all honestly, I was disgusted with myself, and that finally flicked the switch in my head that something had to be done, 7 months later, I have now lost 4 stone and 3 dress size and I feel fantastic!!! I have still got a long way to go to my target but it has made such a difference to my life, I will never go back how I was, ever! And cliche as it is, all I have done is eat healthy, I cut out bread, only one packet of french fries crisps a day ( instead of about 6!:o) and a small chocolate bar a day, I used to eat LOADS of chocolate! I allow myself one naughty day in the week, which is usually a Saturday, where I can eat whatever I like, and of course I am more active and I get more exercise!

OP, no one can make you lose weight, trust me, you have got to want to do it for yourself and be ready for it, like any other addiction, you have got to want to give up. But I have to be honest I can see why you might not find her as attractive anymore, maybe if you try boosting her confidence, it may make her feel better and make her feel attractive and in turn that will make her more attractive to you, but other than, it really is just waiting to see if she wants to and to be there for her when and if she decides she is ready. Good luck!

pink_princess

I adore my husband and our relationship is as perfect as can be.

Yet I would not be sexually attracted to him if he was overweight. Fat scares me to be honest.

I don't know what our relationship would be like without our shared enjoyment of the intimacy, in all forms.

You really need to have an upfront, no holds bar talk with your wife op.

She may be comfort eating as a reaction to her caring role, that is a lot for her to deal with and she may not feel that she can off load on you. When a loved one has a physical issue, we tend to cushion them from everything as though they have a mental issue also.

Good luck to you both, but have that talk!

Person_one

pink_princess wrote: »

Yet I would not be sexually attracted to him if he was overweight. Fat scares me to be honest.

Wow, seriously? That's an issue I'd try to deal with if I was you. What if he becomes disabled and struggles to keep weight off? What if he ever needs to go on steroids long term? What if he just gains a bit of middle age spread when he retires?