What would you do?

fluffnutter

VestanPance wrote: »

I completely disagree. It's about giving someone the information they require to make an informed decision.

And what if they don't want that information?

Taking it upon yourself to go around giving unsolicited information to strangers is not an altruistic gesture, it's meddling.

fluffnutter

VestanPance wrote: »

She wouldn't be ruining the relationship. She'd be telling the truth of the relationship.

Whose truth? How on earth does she know the 'truth' about anyone else's relationships other than her own?

fluffnutter

FatVonD wrote: »

I would want to know and for that reason I'd tell him. He has the right to make an informed decision.

Don't expect him to necessarily believe you straight away, OP, and expect to be painted as a madwoman but he'll thank you in the end,

No, he won't! He'll think the OP a bitter, interfering cow!

marisco_2

fluffnutter wrote: »

And what if they don't want that information?

Taking it upon yourself to go around giving unsolicited information to strangers is not an altruistic gesture, it's meddling.

Why would anyone not want to be informed that their partner was cheating on them? What exactly could they gain from being kept in the dark, about how the person they are in a relationship with is treating them?

A person should not hide who they are from someone they are meant to be in a relationship with. If they do that they are failing to have a full and proper relationship with them.

Why should someone have an affair then get to choose to keep this hidden? That just smacks of having their cake and eating it and deciding to treat their partner with uttter contempt whenever it suits them.

No sane person would choose to be in a long term relationship with a person who could treat them so vilely. By being informed of what is going on that person gets to choose what they want for their future. By not being told, a cheat holds all the cards and is complicit in making decisions for someone, that they most certainly would not be happy with, if they knew the truth.

VestanPance

fluffnutter wrote: »

Whose truth? How on earth does she know the 'truth' about anyone else's relationships other than her own?

Truth does not belong to a person. There is no who's truth, just the truth. That's all that matters.

If they are in an open relationship it wouldn't be cheating, therefore being told would have no impact. It seems to me like there are many people about with dark secrets they are afraid their partners will find out about. Why so scared? I guess they know the "truth" of what would happen should their deceit come to light.

There is no logic in not telling the person being cheated on, other than to cover the tracks of the person who cheated.

peachyprice

Wow, so many people who think they have the right to play god with other people's lives.

marisco_2

peachyprice wrote: »

Wow, so many people who think they have the right to play god with other people's lives.

People who cheat play god with other peoples lives, when they keep that hidden in my opinion. In most cases they know full well how their partner would view their sordid carry on and that they would leave them. That is why most dont come clean.

VestanPance

peachyprice wrote: »

Wow, so many people who think they have the right to play god with other people's lives.

What, like people cheating on their partner then taking away the option for them to decide if that person is still happy to continue to be in a relationship with them by telling them the truth?

Or do you only call it playing god when a third party reveals the truth and you're no longer being controlling over the facts your partner is allowed to know about?

marisco_2

When you plan to marry someone you have hopefully got to the stage where you want to make a lifetime commitment to them.

Now a part of that is the relationship between you both but a marriage ecompasses so much more. There are the relationships that you build with each of your extended families, your joint financial links, purchase of property, then the ultimate commitment of children.

A marriage involves entwining your life with someone completely. I could not even consider doing that with someone I didn't love and trust 100%. If anyone gave me solid reason, to believe that I could not do that with a person I had plans to marry, I would be extremely greatful to them for informing me. I would recognise that they would be saving me from a hell of alot of heartache, stress and humiiation in the long run.

neverdespairgirl

LittleMax wrote: »

I believe it will almost certainly ruin their existing relationships. Their relationships are not ruined at present they are all 3 seemingly in a situation that they are each happy in. Whether that is because they are unaware of the full facts is irrelevant.

It is not for us to sit in moral judgement over others and decide what is right and wrong and what they should be told.

So if a person is cheating all over the place, and the other partner doesn't know, that's fine? What (s)he doesn't know can't hurt?

Not the way I see life. I see not telling as helping to conceal the affair.

The OP had no involvement in this other relationship, until her partner and the woman concerned chose to involve her.