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What would you do?
Comments
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peachyprice wrote: »
I can see no reason for wanting to tell him other than to make yourself feel better, you don't know these people, you have no loyalty to these people, yet you feel you have the right to ruin their relationship.
She wouldn't be ruining the relationship. She'd be telling the truth of the relationship.
If any ruining went on it was by those who cheated, not by those who told of the cheating. If you don't want to be pulled up for some action you do, don't do it.0 -
fluffnutter wrote: »The reasons she's doing this is to create as much havoc in their relationship as her ex created in hers - and that's what she stands to gain. Some sense of restored balance - if my relationship's down the pan, then theirs will be too. No two ways about it.
I think it is very unfair of you to put words into the OP's mouth like this, doubly so when the OP has already said "My reason for telling him is not to get revenge or make him finish with her."
I think the OP needs to put herself into the other bloke's shoes.... would she want to be told? If so then she should tell him.
I do believe in "do unto others as you would have done to you".... I would want to know, so I would tell someone in the same position.A big believer in karma, you get what you give :A
If you find my posts useful, "pay it forward" and help someone else out, that's how places like MSE can be so successful.0 -
VestanPance wrote: ».
If any ruining went on it was by those who cheated, not by those who told of the cheating.
And that's done and dusted, over, finished, eveyone else except the OP has moved on.Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear0 -
Does this knowledge really give you the right to ruin 3 people's lives?peachyprice wrote: », yet you feel you have the right to ruin their relationship.
I find it really weird that anyone should think it's the OP who might "ruin" other people's lives / relationships / etc
The OP isn't proposing to cheat. Any ruination would be the consequences of that, not of her actions....much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.0 -
neverdespairgirl wrote: »I find it really weird that anyone should think it's the OP who might "ruin" other people's lives / relationships / etc
The OP isn't proposing to cheat. Any ruination would be the consequences of that, not of her actions.
I agree. Surely the ones who have committed the ruination are the cheats? Chances are he'll find out at some point anyway.0 -
peachyprice wrote: »And that's done and dusted, over, finished, eveyone else except the OP has moved on.
It's been done, thus he has the right to know. No matter if it has now ended.0 -
fluffnutter wrote: »He might already have that information. Jeez, why do people think they've got a right to go round putting people straight about stuff? It's arrogant to think that it's your job to start apprising people of 'the truth' and it's rarely for altruistic reasons.
I disagree. If someone is hiding things from a long term partner, cheating on them and lying, they are failing to have a proper relationship with them. That is no foundation for any relationship let alone one where you commit to marriage.
The guy should be made aware of what is going on and be allowed to make an informed decision about his future.The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.0 -
its not that I think guys wouldnt want to know...its more that I think they deal with information in a different way to women....
As a woman yes I'd want to know but I think that sometimes men dont always have the same desire to find out ....
Ive absolutely no proof of how my husband would react in a situation like this suffice to say he wouldnt necessarily believe it if he were told by a third party,if that makes sense....
I think sometimes men seem a little less connected to relationship issues when they hear about them from a secondary source...and it is only when confronted with the absolute truth from their partner that the enormity of a situation will dawn on them...
Aileth gave an example on the previous page I think of what im trying to say...
Of course these are only my own observations and im well aware that everyones different so if im making a generalisation that doesnt apply to the men reading these forums...I appologise.frugal October...£41.82 of £40 food shopping spend for the 2 of us!
2017 toiletries challenge 179 out 145 in ...£18.64 spend0 -
Chances are he'll find out at some point anyway.
Yes, hopefully from her, and they will deal with it, not from some stranger with who feels she has a right to interfere with their relationship.Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear0 -
its not that I think guys wouldnt want to know...its more that I think they deal with information in a different way to women....
As a woman yes I'd want to know but I think that sometimes men dont always have the same desire to find out ....
I'd disagree guys wouldn't want to know, or find out. Guys may not want to believe their other half would cheat on them (partly as society plays up the concept of cheats being men), but I've never met a man who would rather be kept in the dark about something like that.0
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