What would you do?

fluffnutter

Be very honest about your reasons for telling him. It's all very well having grand notions of altruistically trying to prevent another person making a mistake but, really, you don't know this woman's partner, you owe him nothing and nor do you know what goes on in their relationship. For all you know he already knows his partner plays away.

I suspect the primary motivation, whether you'd like to admit it or not, is to cause this woman as much hurt as your partner caused you. I suspect you're angry that your relationship has been destroyed yet theirs seems to be still going strong.

Keep out of it and keep your dignity. What this other woman and her partner get up to has nothing to do with you any more.

neverdespairgirl

I'd tell him - not out of spite, but to save him making a massive mistake.

JimmyTheWig

Deanied wrote: »

Honestly I would probably doubt it, thinking that I know my partner better than a random stranger, but it would make me think.

My reason for telling him is not to get revenge or make him finish with her. I know that some people would put up with what they were doing as long as it hadn't got physical. My reason for telling him is so that at least I've done my part and he knows the full story. If he chooses to believe it or act upon it is up to him. I would have done my part.

I think, OP, that given the above you know that this is the right thing to do for you.
Tell him, and let him decide whether to believe you, whether to act on it, etc.

duchy wrote: »

Or maybe she's told him and how stupid are you going to sound if he says Yes I know and what is my relationship to do with you ?

But the OP doesn't know this bloke, so it doesn't really matter if she ends up looking stupid. She's just doing what she thinks is right.

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

would he believe you?

Again, I don't think this is the OP's problem. I don't think the OP should go to town with this. I don't think she should start a prolonged campaign to make this guy believe her. I think she should tell him what she knows and leave him to it.
If he doesn't believe her then she's no worse off. It's a completely different scenario to telling a friend and them not believing you.

aileth

Tell him. I'd want to know, and to be honest if it was a stranger with no apparent motive telling me I'd probably be more inclined to believe them than a friend. Even if he doesn't believe you off the bat, it will sow the seed of doubt that could save himself from a very expensive mistake. If he chooses to ignore you, he will only have himself to blame.

LEJC

I purposely have only read the OP opening post,because I wanted to give my opinion not swayed by any other postings...but I will go back and read the thread after I've responded....

Personally dont say anything to the other guy...thats their business and how they conduct their relationship is purely up to them...its just a great pity that you have benn dragged into it the way you have...

Move onwards and upwards your far better off without someone whos going to play away....take some time to adjust move on....you deserve far better than you had

now I shall go and read the rest of the thread to see if im in the magority or minority...or sitting on the fence!

fluffnutter

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'd tell him - not out of spite, but to save him making a massive mistake.

But that's his choice. No one will think this is the reason for telling him - because it's not, not really. The OP will just look bitter and angry.

neverdespairgirl

fluffnutter wrote: »

But that's his choice. No one will think this is the reason for telling him - because it's not, not really. The OP will just look bitter and angry.

Of course it is. But it's a choice he shoudl make in possession of the relevant information.

fluffnutter

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

She's just doing what she thinks is right.

It's right to keep out of other people's relationships. Even if that means they're living what you deem to be a lie. It's no business of yours.

There's enough meddling and unsolicited advice given by friends, usually under the guise of 'I'm telling you this for your own good because I care about you' or some such, let alone meddling from people you don't even know. People who are hurt and angry and have an agenda, frankly.

Honestly, OP, you will look bitter, angry, jealous and meddling. If this is how you don't mind being perceived, then crack on. But don't kid yourself it's to help this other guy. What do you care? You don't even know him.

VestanPance

I'd tell, as I'd want to know if it was happening to me.

fluffnutter

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Of course it is. But it's a choice he shoudl make in possession of the relevant information.

He might already have that information. Jeez, why do people think they've got a right to go round putting people straight about stuff? It's arrogant to think that it's your job to start apprising people of 'the truth' and it's rarely for altruistic reasons.

What does the OP stand to gain from this guy knowing that his missus is a cheat? Is she going to be bathed in the warm glow of knowing she prevented a stranger from making a mistake? He might completely ignore her, he might already know, a whole host of things might happen. What I can guarantee is that he won't thank her. He'll think she's an interfering cow. The reasons she's doing this is to create as much havoc in their relationship as her ex created in hers - and that's what she stands to gain. Some sense of restored balance - if my relationship's down the pan, then theirs will be too. No two ways about it.