What would you do?

aileth

I have to say though overall from this thread there are so many differing views and it's so close that despite the fact that I think you should tell him as I would like to be told myself, maybe you shouldn't. It's quite clear from everyone's views on here that he could be a person who'd react badly or he could be very grateful. I suppose it's up to you whether you want to risk it, although you don't have much to lose except for not being able to move on.

Give it some very careful thought.

sassyblue

fluffnutter wrote: »

But that's his choice. No one will think this is the reason for telling him - because it's not, not really. The OP will just look bitter and angry.

That's a matter of opinion.

I've known a few people who have been cheated on, l can't remember any of them saying they'd wished they'd never known, even the ones who were completely devastated were eventually glad they were told or found out.

stir_crazy

I'd tell him. If it was me, I would want to know, especially as they are planning the wedding. What the woman's OH then chooses to do with that information is up to him. As for ruining relationships, surely the two guilty parties should have thought of that before they began sexting each other.

ETA: As for looking bitter and angry, does that really matter if she doesn't even know the man?

LEJC

VestanPance wrote: »

I'd disagree guys wouldn't want to know, or find out. Guys may not want to believe their other half would cheat on them (partly as society plays up the concept of cheats being men), but I've never met a man who would rather be kept in the dark about something like that.

I probably tend to agree with you in a way...but you only chose to quote a portion of my post so it makes it appear we have very differeing view.

alias*alibi

Tell him; I did! When my OH left me for the OW and her husbands profile went from married to single on FB within days of my OH leaving, I contacted him and said I believed they were having an affair/had left their respective partners to be with each other. He didn't believe me initially but soon did when she got pregnant by my OH. I know its not nice but why should they not know the truth too.

Edited to say so what if she's bitter; she has a right to be IMHO. And the OP isn't 'ruining' 3 people's lives here; the cheaters managed to do that all on their own.

marisco_2

LEJC wrote: »

can I ask a question of those who have said "if it were me i'd want to know...are you male or female?

I am female. I dont see that gender comes into it at all to be honest.

Anyone with even a tiny smidgen of common sense would not make the life time commitment of marriage to someone who cheats on them.

It doesn't make any difference whether they be male of female.

Lifes_Grand_Plan

Thankfully there are no kids involved at the moment (or at least I assume not since not mentioned). However later down the line if there are kids involved, after they get married, then the bloke finds out, might wreck a lot more lives than it will if you tell him now.

JimmyTheWig

fluffnutter wrote: »

Honestly, OP, you will look bitter, angry, jealous and meddling. If this is how you don't mind being perceived, then crack on.

Being perceived as this by someone who she doesn't know is hardly a big problem. If that's the price of doing what she feels is right then fair enough.

But don't kid yourself it's to help this other guy. What do you care? You don't even know him.

What's wrong with helping out a stranger?
It strikes me as akin to telling someone driving at night that their lights aren't on.
You don't know them. Their lights are nothing to do with you. But no reason not to help them out.

marisco_2

Lifes_Grand_Plan wrote: »

However later down the line if there are kids involved, after they get married, then the bloke finds out, might wreck a lot more lives than it will if you tell him now.

You raise an extremely valid point. When a couple marry, a large number of them plan to go on and have children. To make that level of commitment to someone is a huge undertaking and should not be taken lightly.

Therefore is it right not to tell someone, male of female, that the person they are marrying is a lying cheat, who will no doubt mess them about long after the confetti has settled and the honeymoon is over?

By staying quiet over a known affair, all that you achieve is to stand back and allow some poor unsuspecting soul to make life changing decisions, with someone that they shouldn't invest all their trust and faith in or touch with a barge pole!

Not something I could do. The guy deserves to know in my opinion,

susiecm3

I personally think he should know, yes he may question you but at least he then knows the truth and can make a decision