What would you do?

VestanPance

fluffnutter wrote: »

He might already have that information. Jeez, why do people think they've got a right to go round putting people straight about stuff? It's arrogant to think that it's your job to start apprising people of 'the truth' and it's rarely for altruistic reasons.

What does the OP stand to gain from this guy knowing that his missus is a cheat? Is she going to be bathed in the warm glow of knowing she prevented a stranger from making a mistake? He might completely ignore her, he might already know, a whole host of things might happen. What I can guarantee is that he won't thank her. He'll think she's an interfering cow. The reasons she's doing this is to create as much havoc in their relationship as her ex created in hers - and that's what she stands to gain. Some sense of restored balance - if my relationship's down the pan, then theirs will be too. No two ways about it.

I completely disagree. It's about giving someone the information they require to make an informed decision.

LEJC

can I ask a question of those who have said "if it were me i'd want to know...are you male or female?

You see if it were me and im female i'd probably want to know but I think that males may take a different view ....so my thoughts are that youre probably getting the views of a larger female propoertion than male....
so men....would you want to know or not?

aileth

LEJC wrote: »

can I ask a question of those who have said "if it were me i'd want to know...are you male or female?

You see if it were me and im female i'd probably want to know but I think that males may take a different view ....so my thoughts are that youre probably getting the views of a larger female propoertion than male....
so men....would you want to know or not?

Good point. I know from our mutual friends that when my OH's ex was cheating on him, they all knew and told him. He refused to believe them until a few months later when she told him she was pregnant with the other man's baby.

VestanPance

LEJC wrote: »

can I ask a question of those who have said "if it were me i'd want to know...are you male or female?

You see if it were me and im female i'd probably want to know but I think that males may take a different view ....so my thoughts are that youre probably getting the views of a larger female propoertion than male....
so men....would you want to know or not?

I'm male and I'd want to know.

EDIT: I'm interested in why you think guys wouldn't want to know?

Lunar_Eclipse

Deanied wrote: »

My reason for telling him is so that at least I've done my part and he knows the full story. If he chooses to believe it or act upon it is up to him. I would have done my part.

On this basis, as well as the fact that you don't know this person, I wouldn't contact him. I don't consider it to be doing your part (that was leaving your partner) and believe it has nothing to do with you.

It's completely separate, in my opinion, to whether he would want to know or not.

Lifes_Grand_Plan

Looking at the parties involved:

OP = 'innocent party'
OP's Ex = cheat

Other Woman = cheat
Other Woman's Husband to be = innocent party

Excluding the OP, the only person being wronged through no fault of their own here is the other Woman's husband to be... IMHO he deserves to know the truth and to hell with the other two, they made their bed, let them lie in it.

Lunar_Eclipse

fluffnutter wrote: »

It's right to keep out of other people's relationships. Even if that means they're living what you deem to be a lie. It's no business of yours.

^^^ this exactly.

I think I would bend this view for close friends/siblings, on the basis that good friends have a moral obligation to each other too, but beyond those exceptional circumstances, it's generally inappropriate.

(FWIW, I would absolutely want to know if my partner did anything like this, but it's not a stranger's responsibility to tell me, and would be particularly horrible coming from someone involved and thus probably with ulterior motives.)

Lifes_Grand_Plan

VestanPance wrote: »

I'm male and I'd want to know.

EDIT: I'm interested in why you think guys wouldn't want to know?

Both of these points go for me too.

LittleMax

Does this knowledge really give you the right to ruin 3 people's lives? I think you need to question why you would be telling the other person, but you cannot possibly know whether or not they would want to know. No crime has been committed, if it had that would put a different bearing on things. So no, I wouldn't tell the other person.

peachyprice

Deanied wrote: »

My reason for telling him is not to get revenge or make him finish with her.

I don't believe that for one minute, you know that that is exactly what is likely to happen.

My reason for telling him is so that at least I've done my part and he knows the full story.

But you don't even have the full story, you have your ex's version of the story, the two are not necessarily the same.



I'll ask again, how long ago did this happen? Are you newly separated and still bitter about the whole ordeal? Did it happen some time ago and you're harbouring a grudge?

I can see no reason for wanting to tell him other than to make yourself feel better, you don't know these people, you have no loyalty to these people, yet you feel you have the right to ruin their relationship.