Punishments for nasty bullying behaviour from a 14 y/o?

meritaten

pigpen wrote: »

He isn't getting worse or more frequent or anything.. Ruby is confused and getting my boys mixed up.

I think he lashed out because he doesn't know how to properly focus or control strong emotion, whether that is positive or negative. If he gets over excited he can't stop, he has to go 10 steps further than he needs to. If he gets sad he can cry for days, it took him 3 weeks to stop crying every day over the death of his rabbit. Anger is the same, he cannot cope with it so it all rolls out at once but it isn't so bad when they are children but he is mansize now, small man but still mansize.

This is something the psychologist was looking at before he left...

He said DD4 was 'getting on his nerves' ... I did say if I lashed out every time someone got on my nerves I'd be forever pummelling someone!

ok DD4 was getting on his nerves - did he mean irritating or she hit his 'last nerve'?
and what do you mean this is something the psychologist was 'looking at' and 'before he left'?
who has replaced the psychologist? sounds as if you have been left in limbo. Your son needs help - contact the team (sounds like Cahms tbh) and demand an urgent appointment.

pigpen

I don't see any midwives or anyone else. I am not struggling, DS3 has been struggling for years and other than this latest psych we have got nowhere with anyone. Unless the child has attempted suicide or committed a criminal offence there is no support from anywhere for them. I have been part of a parent partnership with KIDs the last 6 or 7 years and one of the services being upgraded at the moment is CAMHS, their lack of input and availability and taking no action on referrals is the main issue being addressed and everyone points you at them yet they offer no service for any but the most needy which we (as the forum) feel should be a separate branch of the same organisation.. There should be emergency support for the most vulnerable but not to the exclusion of those who require less intervention.

gingin_2

Ruby_woo wrote: »

I can honestly picture the chaos now....if you can't cope stop having more children...simple!

Ruby, you're being as rude as you perceived Pigpen to be. Does it really need to descend into "that" type of thread?

pigpen

meritaten wrote: »

ok DD4 was getting on his nerves - did he mean irritating or she hit his 'last nerve'?
and what do you mean this is something the psychologist was 'looking at' and 'before he left'?
who has replaced the psychologist? sounds as if you have been left in limbo. Your son needs help - contact the team (sounds like Cahms tbh) and demand an urgent appointment.

The psych was looking at ways to help him focus his emotion into a more positive outlet... so he doesn't hurt himself or others or break things, whether that emotion is a happy one or an angry one or whatever. The psych handed his months notice and left and he hasn't been replaced, but he has been gone a while now and no one even applied when the post was advertised apparently

I believe he meant DD was irritating.. but when the mood takes him it doesn't take a lot, we all have days where the smallest things irritate us but most people know how to switch off and when to walk away, he doesn't seem to have a clue.

starnight_2

Pigpen - I'd chase that psych down and insist on consistent management from them. As you know the changing of drs and lots of different people won't help your ds and honestly it's not right when they know he has issues. I can't imagine they just left nobody covering the psychs case load!

meritaten

pigpen wrote: »

I don't see any midwives or anyone else. I am not struggling, DS3 has been struggling for years and other than this latest psych we have got nowhere with anyone. Unless the child has attempted suicide or committed a criminal offence there is no support from anywhere for them. I have been part of a parent partnership with KIDs the last 6 or 7 years and one of the services being upgraded at the moment is CAMHS, their lack of input and availability and taking no action on referrals is the main issue being addressed and everyone points you at them yet they offer no service for any but the most needy which we (as the forum) feel should be a separate branch of the same organisation.. There should be emergency support for the most vulnerable but not to the exclusion of those who require less intervention.

I thought it was Cahms - about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

pigpen - there will be a local Aspergers support group near you - do you belong or go to it? IF NOT then join them - parents there will point you in the right direction. sometimes you have to work outside the box and they will help you.

pigpen

meritaten wrote: »

I thought it was Cahms - about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

pigpen - there will be a local Aspergers support group near you - do you belong or go to it? IF NOT then join them - parents there will point you in the right direction. sometimes you have to work outside the box and they will help you.

No, it was the psych linked to the diabetes team he has been seeing .. you may as well wait for hell to freeze over as get a camhs referral.. There was only the 1 man and he was great with DS3, and even better it was mutual. I am concerned when they get a new person in DS3 won't be able to build the same rapport and we will take backwards steps, but I guess we will have to wait and see on that one.

I know the lady who runs the NAS group here (she is on the parent partnership forum too, 'I knitted cardies for her grand-daughter), I know it sounds silly but I feel like a fraud speaking to her about my children. Some of those children have real issues and cannot function in mainstream schools or society and never will whereas mine are doing ok at school/college and will live relatively normal lives.

Blackpool_Saver

Well, I have read all these posts and I am astounded you have 10 children, I can't even imagine it.
My son went through the CAMHS from 5-16 and he was fortunate, he had a great psych. It was when he went into adult that it all became useless, if you think it's bad now wait until you get into that situation

pigpen

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Well, I have read all these posts and I am astounded you have 10 children, I can't even imagine it.
My son went through the CAMHS from 5-16 and he was fortunate, he had a great psych. It was when he went into adult that it all became useless, if you think it's bad now wait until you get into that situation

I know!!! There are many many issues with adult services and the transition care is non-existant. They just expect these struggling children to become functioning adults overnight.. This was why I pushed for so long to get him sorted and in my head I know he is much better than he was at 6 I also foresee problems in his future I don't want him to face he has enough on just with the diabetes without all the rest of the baggage

meritaten

pigpen wrote: »

No, it was the psych linked to the diabetes team he has been seeing .. you may as well wait for hell to freeze over as get a camhs referral.. There was only the 1 man and he was great with DS3, and even better it was mutual. I am concerned when they get a new person in DS3 won't be able to build the same rapport and we will take backwards steps, but I guess we will have to wait and see on that one.

I know the lady who runs the NAS group here (she is on the parent partnership forum too, 'I knitted cardies for her grand-daughter), I know it sounds silly but I feel like a fraud speaking to her about my children. Some of those children have real issues and cannot function in mainstream schools or society and never will whereas mine are doing ok at school/college and will live relatively normal lives.

you don't think violent behaviour is a REAL issue? use any contact hun -she will probably be happy to help. you and your kids need help!!!!!!!!!!