Punishments for nasty bullying behaviour from a 14 y/o?

delain

Person_one wrote: »

Oh dear.

I'd say hardly any of us have ever punched a sibling in the stomach like this. Most sibling 'fights' don't involve any real violence, do they? Just handbags at dawn and play fighting.

Me and my brother used to do each other damage all the time. Once I stabbed him with a chip fork. He still has a scar at 25.

He once whipped me across the back with a flexible branch... I had a red welt that lasted weeks. However, we are close to this day and he's been a big help to me. Once he and my friend cycled 6 miles in the dark to visit me when I was down.

My mum and uncle, one hit the other with a cable and plug (forget which one did it)

So maybe it was all sweetness and light in your house but mine was never the same.

The thing that makes it a big problem is that his sister is disabled and vulnerable and he knows this. That stops being sibling in fighting and starts being serious.

Edit: before anyone says it, yes I do teach my children not to fight... Not easy when 2 of them are SEN but with help we are getting there in helping them resolve their problems non violently

neverdespairgirl

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Kids fight regardless? How many of us can actally say we havnt hit a sibling? If my first son had been disabled in some way would that mean that you would be telling me not to have any more kids because of the 'issues' im already dealing with?

There is a difference, though, between one toddler bashing his sibling over the head for taking his toy train, and a 14 year old using serious force on a younger sibling.

Person_one

delain wrote: »

But she has said camhs aren't helping despite repeated referrals. They didn't help my DD1 either (also several referrals) and pp and I are in different counties so its not just a local problem.

And even a camhs appointment isn't going to magically make his aggression disappear.

I might have missed it, but I didn't think he'd been referred to CAMHS, he's been seeing somebody via the diabetes team.

No, one appointment doesn't solve everything, but its a process and it has to start somewhere. Doing nothing definitely won't make things better.

I'm sorry they couldn't help your daughter, but lots of people are in fact helped.

delain

Person_one wrote: »

I might have missed it, but I didn't think he'd been referred to CAMHS, he's been seeing somebody via the diabetes team.

No, one appointment doesn't solve everything, but its a process and it has to start somewhere. Doing nothing definitely won't make things better.

I'm sorry they couldn't help your daughter, but lots of people are in fact helped.

She's said there have been referrals if you read back.

It's something you see time and time again on here. You get referred to camhs, who give you one appointment in six months time and then that's pretty much it.

One of the ladies running the course I did works for camhs and has said they are underfunded and understaffed on a national scale.

CH27

Is your daughter ok this morning PP?

pigpen

Yes you missed the CAMHS referrals which were mentioned several times. He was referred aged 6, took 2.5 years before we got an appointment .. with an unqualified psych student who left at the end of the academic year without completing his assessment and that was the end despite further referrals he has not been seen because they prioritise those who are attempting suicide and have long criminal records (their words, not mine!)

He has also seen the Ed Psych at school who said academically he is fine and behavioural issues are not in his remit.. close case.

The Psych from the diabetes team left a few months ago so we are left in limbo with no idea when a replacement will be appointed.

What I actually asked for was reasonable 'punishment' for the behaviour. Which there have been several sensible suggestions I am considering which will maybe work with DS3.

LOL Delain.. my mother has fork scars in her nose from her youngest brother stabbing her with a fork too. Her brother has tiny scars across his forehead from the hard plastic beak on the duck toy of the same youngest brother.. the duck used to peck him when he was asleep (they shared a bed which was normal in ye olden days)

DS3's dad has worked since he was 16 and had to get time off work to attend GSCE exams so you are incorrect to suggest their dad doesn't work.

This evening DS3 and DD4 and I are sitting down and talking about this. She is going to tell him how she felt and how hurt she was and other things like missing her trip etc and we will go from there and play it by ear.

She is fine this morning and he came up and got Dot out of her cot, took her downstairs and did her and Squeak some breakfast and put Octonauts on for them and was helping DD4 and DD5 get bowls and beakers out of the cupboard for their breakfast... without being asked... This is the boy I have most of the time. The bad days are really bad but the good days are more in number and it is hard to forget about those when you are having a bad day.

Person_one

You'll have to do what you think is best PP, but I can't deny feeling a bit worried that a teenager who showed such anger and was so violent yesterday is trusted to look after toddlers today.

Its been a long time since you had contact with CAMHS, is it not worth another shot? They aren't the only way for you to get help either, have you got a social worker you could speak to? Social services aren't just there for when things go wrong, or for punishing parents, they can provide ongoing support for the whole family.

http://familylives.org.uk/advice/social-services-and-your-family

pigpen

He wasn't looking after them.. I was there, as was my partner.. he was just helping them and if that makes him feel good about himself that is a good thing. OH was changing nappies and was sorting bags and hairbrushing and nagging DS3 to hurry up or he would be late!

No we don't have a social worker, having spoken to one as recently as October they nor I think they are needed.

Treevo

Your son showed quite frightening levels of violence to his younger and weaker sibling and you then allow him near his other siblings who maybe wouldn't survive the same level of assault?! Wow.

Person_one

pigpen wrote: »

No we don't have a social worker, having spoken to one as recently as October they nor I think they are needed.

Something new has happened pigpen.

I suppose if you're happy to just carry on then none of us will change your mind. I really hope it doesn't happen again and I hope your daughter is ok today and not still in pain.