Punishments for nasty bullying behaviour from a 14 y/o?

Dunroamin

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I think Joons was on about the replys. No one here is saying thats its ok!

People keep twisting each others words or not reading the posts properly...but the point of this thread was it was a one time thing that yes - could happen again which is why she wanted a suitable punishment to make the child realise he was in the wrong, but we make mistakes espically at kids age and to say that he shouldn't be allowed near his sisters and brothers because of this is OTT.

The implication was that it was a first (not one) time thing with this child but that similar things had been going on with the 12 year old.

heartbreak_star

Good luck pigpen - I hope it goes well.

It's good that your kids feel able to talk to you, and to each other in front of you

Let us know how you get on

HBS x

pigpen

Dunroamin wrote: »

The implication was that it was a first (not one) time thing with this child but that similar things had been going on with the 12 year old.

I think most of the squabbles with the 12 y/o have been within the boundaries of normal siblings squabbles .. he has hit her, she has hit him. She isn't easy to live with and the whole dynamics of the house change if just one of these 2 are not home. They tend to bicker over everything and make snidey remarks or be rude when one is trying to speak.. most of this works both ways.. they are kept separate as much as it possible when they are having a confrontational day. Since she started at high school and they walk to and from together most days through choice and their relationship has changed lots for the better. Yesterday he was being rude about her friends.. I said it was probably because he likes them, it is a strange boy thing but still spoke to them separately about it anyway. I think DD3 is just a bit hormonal and gets too big for her boots and a bit smart mouthed in front of her friends and over dramatized a bit.

There has never been an incident I have had to intervene other than for the sake of peace and harmony, I do leave siblings to sort out arguments between them usually.. while listening to make sure it is not getting out of hand. I think learning to cooperate and work out disagreements between themselves is a very valuable life skill. I cannot abide tittle-tattle though if they have a problem they know where I am.

The 2 boys I have been ring master and physically separated them. DS2 was left to calm down, DS3 flounced to the shed and I dealt with them both accordingly once they were calm and had removed their Hulk façade. Nothing major but they both over-reacted to the other winding them up.

Treevo

pigpen wrote: »

What an idiotic comment.. what are people meant to do? Lock him in the shed? Make him live somewhere else? Get him a dog crate to live in? build a dungeon in the house? That would be really helpful and productive and help him feel loved.

I'm glad he lives with me sometimes.. I am now very grateful for that I dread to think what you would do with the poor boy if he was yours!!! :eek:

I wouldn't be in your situation, full stop.

You're focusing a hell of a lot on your son and not at all on your daughter who spent the entire day in pain after being assaulted. She is more important in this situation. You shudder to think about what would happen to the 'poor boy' if he was mine - I shudder to think what is actually happening to the real victim of this assault. Because she's obviously not being protected by her parents.

Treevo

Dunroamin wrote: »

The implication was that it was a first (not one) time thing with this child but that similar things had been going on with the 12 year old.

You have to wonder what else has been going on when mummy's too busy to notice.

Kayalana99

Treevo wrote: »

I wouldn't be in your situation, full stop.

You're focusing a hell of a lot on your son and not at all on your daughter who spent the entire day in pain after being assaulted. She is more important in this situation. You shudder to think about what would happen to the 'poor boy' if he was mine - I shudder to think what is actually happening to the real victim of this assault. Because she's obviously not being protected by her parents.

He's a 14 year old kid not a criminal!!

bodmil

I'd have him write a couple of sides of apology in a letter to his sister to actually try to have him think about his actions and their consequences. If it's not genuine, he should start again.

Joons

Treevo wrote: »

You have to wonder what else has been going on when mummy's too busy to notice.

So now you're also judging the OP on her parenting skills.

I hope she has enough intelligence to completely ignore you.

gingin_2

Kayalana99 wrote: »

He's a 14 year old kid not a criminal!!

But he needs to learn coping strategies because in a just a few years time he'll be treated like one. That's why I suggested seeing if a PCSO will come out and have a word with him, with them being fully aware that he has aspergers. Maybe the uniform might send a strong message to him that it can't be tolerated.

Treevo

Kayalana99 wrote: »

He's a 14 year old kid not a criminal!!

He assaulted a ten year old. A 14 year can still be guilty of assault.

The girl was in pain for hours! Don't minimise this.