Punishments for nasty bullying behaviour from a 14 y/o?

Errata

If he's never hit her before, could it be there are lots of aggression hormones starting to kick in now he's 14?

bagpussbear

OP, you first thought should be to get your daughter to hospital to have her checked out in case he's done some damage. I hope she is ok.

starnight_2

My ds has aspergers and from about aged 3 until recently would get violent and angry towards me. Like you all I had for punishment was to remove his computer games. My uncle even gave his punching bag to see if he would at least take his anger out in that. He's definitely got better as he's got older but we've done a lot of talking about how he can deal with his feelings and if something is bothering him to speak up and not hold it in.

Hope you get the help you need pigpen

victory

Does he have a befriender? Does he go to any aspergers clubs where he can chat to others?

pigpen

Errata wrote: »

If he's never hit her before, could it be there are lots of aggression hormones starting to kick in now he's 14?

No, I think it is more that the 12 y/o has started standing up to him so he moved to a more vulnerable target. He has shown aggressive behaviour from a young age that isn't new.

victory wrote: »

Does he have a befriender? Does he go to any aspergers clubs where he can chat to others?

He won't go anywhere or have anything to do with anyone. I tried getting him involved in a few things and he can be persuaded to go once or twice and that is all I can manage. He thinks it is everyone else that has the problems not him.

meritaten

I too am of the opinion that 'outside' help is needed.
First does Son have a psychologist or psychiatrist of record? if so then make an appointment. Violent behaviour is worrying and they should know. Especially if it is out of character for him. or becoming a problem.
second if no psych involvelment then Social Services or Cahms? you need help to deal with this.
third - you know your son - why would he lash out like this? was he provoked? would he understand why he is being punished or would he blame sis?
think carefully and talk to him before deciding on punishment hun - tho I can understand your initial reaction you are not yet in possession of ALL the facts.

Errata

pigpen wrote: »

No, I think it is more that the 12 y/o has started standing up to him so he moved to a more vulnerable target. He has shown aggressive behaviour from a young age that isn't new.

Fair enough, but as you've pointed out - he punched like a man, which means he's capable of inflicting serious damage to a younger (smaller?) child. Damage that could have been done to your daughter, who has her own physical difficulties, but on this occasion fortunately wasn't.

pigpen

meritaten wrote: »

I too am of the opinion that 'outside' help is needed.
First does Son have a psychologist or psychiatrist of record? if so then make an appointment. Violent behaviour is worrying and they should know. Especially if it is out of character for him. or becoming a problem.
second if no psych involvelment then Social Services or Cahms? you need help to deal with this.
third - you know your son - why would he lash out like this? was he provoked? would he understand why he is being punished or would he blame sis?
think carefully and talk to him before deciding on punishment hun - tho I can understand your initial reaction you are not yet in possession of ALL the facts.

He has been seeing the psychologist linked to the diabetes team but he left suddenly recently and a replacement has not yet been appointed, in fact it has been advertised and no one applied He is a high priority due to threats of self harm/suicide which started about a year ago, about the time he realised his diabetes is forever I think.

He does have violent outbursts, these are usual for him. DD4 is not one to provoke negative behaviour from anyone, she is actually very lovely. He too can be very loving and kind and helpful but he has these days when he is an absolute nightmare. He has broken a childs nose before.. there were 3 set about him, he lashed out and broke her nose, it was self defence, he has claw marks and cuts and a pressure marks around his neck where they had been pulling his shirt back into his throat so it isn't really the same but I know he is capable of these things often without remorse.

He has been sat very very quietly on his bed, his other safe place, I can't even change his bedding!! DS2 has had a word and he is calm and collected. DD4 has just got back from her dads and she is fine just sore and tired so she said she doesn't want to talk and has gone to bed. We are going to talk tomorrow after school and we will see if her talking to him telling her how she feels will sink into his head. He has a list of jobs, cleaning out the rabbit which he loathes, and he is helping OH put up a kitchen unit and I'm sure we can find a few other tasks to keep his hands busy.

He needs help to learn ways to manage his emotions and especially the anger rather than just lashing out randomly. That is a hard lesson to learn.

pigpen

Errata wrote: »

Fair enough, but as you've pointed out - he punched like a man, which means he's capable of inflicting serious damage to a younger (smaller?) child. Damage that could have been done to your daughter, who has her own physical difficulties, but on this occasion fortunately wasn't.

In his mind he is a younger smaller child too which is part of his condition. I know what injuries he could have inflicted and I am very grateful none are present, and he did show genuine remorse for a change when I said he could have broken her ribs or given her a massive bleed in her tummy. That is progress for us.

Dunroamin

pigpen wrote: »

No, I think it is more that the 12 y/o has started standing up to him so he moved to a more vulnerable target. He has shown aggressive behaviour from a young age that isn't new.

So, how did you deal with his aggressive behaviour when it was aimed at your middle child?