Punishments for nasty bullying behaviour from a 14 y/o?

Person_one

thorsoak wrote: »

First of all - apologies for speed reading - I failed to pick up on the point that this is the son with Aspergers - I am going to go back and delete my posts because of course, the course of action I advocated would be competely and utterly wrong and irresponsible in these circumstances.

But if the 14 year old didn't have AS then punching him in the stomach hard enough to wind him would be absolutely fine?

I'm not often shocked by this forum, but I'm aghast.

beckysbobbles1

I do not condone what he has done but he has Aspergers so the punishment needs to be understood why (if that makes sense).

I believe the best way would be to find out what is important to him and remove this.

My understanding of Aspergers is that sometimes they are unable to relate or understand how other people are feeling so the punishment needs to be fully explained.

I hope your DD is ok. And hats off to you having to deal with all of this, your a strong women.

bigmaz

I think people should stop having a go at thorsoak here, he has apologised for what he has said. I too would say about retaliating that way in the heat of a discussion. But yeah, not the best thing to do :P Mind you maybe thats the problem with youths today, they are not getting smacked these days, and look at the result.... (And by smacked, I dont mean a beating, which some people fail to understand these days, as common sense is lacking these days) I am not talking about your son when I am saying this by the way OP.

My cousin has aspergers, and my aunty gave him special treatment compared to their other son, he got away with everything, and now she is paying the price, he is very violent and she has had to throw him out the house into care. I really feel for you, must be hard work bringing up a kid with aspergers. Maybe outside help is what you need, there is no shame in getting this help, as this is why these places have been set up. All the best with this OP, and hope your DD is doing ok.

ecgirl07

thorsoak wrote: »

First of all - apologies for speed reading - I failed to pick up on the point that this is the son with Aspergers - I am going to go back and delete my posts because of course, the course of action I advocated would be competely and utterly wrong and irresponsible in these circumstances.

Not sure an adult punching any 14 year old in the stomach hard enough to wind them as a cold punishment would be anything other than utterly wrong and irresponsible.

bigmaz

ecgirl07 wrote: »

Not sure an adult punching any 14 year old in the stomach hard enough to wind them as a cold punishment would be anything other than utterly wrong and irresponsible.

My goodness, how many times does thorsoak have to apologise

Joons

bigmaz wrote: »

My goodness, how many times does thorsoak have to apologise

Yeah, god forbid you make a mistake on here in what you say, even if you do retract it.

ecgirl07

bigmaz wrote: »

My goodness, how many times does thorsoak have to apologise

they have aplogised for advocating punching an aspergers boy in the stomach but seem to think cold clocking a non aspergers 14 year old is ok.

This forum is hilarious in its hypocrisy! Aye we will demand a man moves out because he hit his wife but its ok to wind a 14 year old by punching them in the stomach :rotfl:

elsien

Sorry if I've missed this, but do you have any idea why he did it?
Without excusing the behaviour in any way, if he's not done it before there must have been some sort of trigger. Perhaps understanding that might give you an idea of how to take it forwards most effectively.
Yes he needs to know its wrong and he cannot behave like that without consequences. But you also need to work out how to stop it happening again. Punishment on its own won't necessarily do that.

thorsoak

The boy (aged 14) delivered a "man's punch" to his 10 year old sister.

I knew I would be flamed for my views and I accept that my views are not very PC - but I stand by them!

Toto

No one said it was ok to wind a 14 year old. Thorsoak apologised, what more can he do? really, move on.

Pigpen, as a mum of 3 kids with fragile x/ASD I know how tough it can be to discipline them in a way which they understand. Talking to him about feelings and how it hurt his sister might be good for on aspie but not for another, it really is individual.

All you can do is let him know how it is unacceptable and remove his laptop but also talk to him about how the things we do have an effect on others. See if he can understand how he has caused pain to his sister and made her really sad. If he doesn't understand that, then as the others have said it might be time to get some outside help so he can be given other strategies to cope with his own anger or frustration.