FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

Pixiechic

Hey Tayforth,

Well done for getting through last night!

Your Mum just sounds like she's on wedding autopilot now and who can really blame her? She's probably got lots on her mind and feels a big responsibility to ensure that her daughters wedding day is perfect, maybe as she was with yours? You both care to make it a perfect day for your sis, hence the reason for your white lie. Also, bless her, she doesn't know what you're going through right now and I am sure that if she did, she would be more understanding. When she does find out, she might feel a little bad for being a bit hard on you.

You did very well to bite your lip, better than I would be I think!

Great that you are not going to respond to your ex, just see how he behaves and work round it. You are strong, intelligent and more than capable, you don't need him and just don't have the time nor inclination for any of his antics.

duckeggblue

Hi tayforth, not been posting but I have been reading. I am at my daughters and spending time with my grandchildren. My grandson made me laugh this morning" Grandma-pretend to be a Garlic.!" ( Dalek). I've also been crawling round the floor with a grass skirt on my head and my glasses over the top so i look like cousin it.

Glad your friend has been able to help you x

tayforth

I managed to sleep after going back to bed for a couple of hours, and I feel much better now.

The rash is getting worse, though. It's spreading as well

Pixiechic wrote: »

Hey Tayforth,

Well done for getting through last night!

Your Mum just sounds like she's on wedding autopilot now and who can really blame her? She's probably got lots on her mind and feels a big responsibility to ensure that her daughters wedding day is perfect, maybe as she was with yours? You both care to make it a perfect day for your sis, hence the reason for your white lie. Also, bless her, she doesn't know what you're going through right now and I am sure that if she did, she would be more understanding. When she does find out, she might feel a little bad for being a bit hard on you.

You did very well to bite your lip, better than I would be I think!

Great that you are not going to respond to your ex, just see how he behaves and work round it. You are strong, intelligent and more than capable, you don't need him and just don't have the time nor inclination for any of his antics.

Thanks Pixiechic. Yes, Mum is just stressing about the wedding arrangements, and that's why I'm biting my lip. I'm sure that she will feel bad afterwards, but I'll tell her not to.


As for the ex, I've had a sense of peace and wellbeing since I decided to sever all contact. To hell with the car, it's not worth it.

duckeggblue wrote: »

Hi tayforth, not been posting but I have been reading. I am at my daughters and spending time with my grandchildren. My grandson made me laugh this morning" Grandma-pretend to be a Garlic.!" ( Dalek). I've also been crawling round the floor with a grass skirt on my head and my glasses over the top so i look like cousin it.

Glad your friend has been able to help you x

That did make me laugh, thank you! It's so funny some of the things small children come out with, and you're game for a laugh. I bet you're a really fun granny What ages are they?

duckeggblue

They are 4 and 6 x

duckeggblue

marisco wrote: »

The rash that you have noticed developing and the change in your breathing, whereby you catch your breath, is a physical reaction to all the pent up anxiety, stress and upset you have been under for so long.

I experienced very similar when splitting from my ex. It does ease off in time. Up till very recently you have had to maintain a level of contact with your ex, with him collecting his things from your home and wanting to use the car. This would understandably have been very stressful for you and put you under pressure you could have really done without.

Now that your landlord has changed the locks you can rest assured that your home is your own. A sanctuary for you where you can relax, feel safe and know that your ex cant come in and reduce you to how he once made you feel. Your body is reacting to the relief of this tayforth. You are slowly allowing yourself to finally let go of all that you feared and that upset you and will be at ease. It can come as a shock to the system that you can finally do this and that is what you are going through right now


You are going to be okay

This is such an important post Tay. I wonder if you could discuss this with your doctor .Your body is telling you to need to release some of the pressure.I have sometimes found a couple of prescribed sleeping tablets useful to have, for when I need that extra rest.Personally I never take them for more than two days, and never wanted more than 5 prescribed,and sometimes I have just taken half a tablet at the weekend if I wake in the middle of the night .
I have always thought that if you can get enough sleep, you can cope with most things.

tayforth

duckeggblue wrote: »

They are 4 and 6 x

Aw! I love to watch Outnumbered, Karen especially cracks me up. The things she comes out with are so random and funny, kids have amazing imaginations at that age.


The train back from my mums's isn't until 7:30pm, wish that I could just hop in the car and go anytime. She's asking if I've phoned 'OH' yet today to check how he is. I'll have to go and pretend to phone him. I'm fed up of hearing his name.


This week I'll keep busy. I have the house to sort out - I'll do a bit of decluttering. I can't believe the relief I feel now that he's finally gone and can't get back in. This time last week, I was rehearsing how to tell him, so I've made a lot of progress since then.

duckeggblue

Progress, your amazing.x

duchy

Odette wrote: »

I know he has treated you badly but why don't you let him have the car. You have kept the residence and don't have to deal with the rigmarole of moving and I imagine you were splitting the cost of rent/bills. At least that way its done and he has something he may feel he is owed from the relationship. Either way you need to decide what is to be done with the car it so he cant control you with it.
Everyone has done things that are wrong or that we rightly would feel ashamed of but its not your job to punish him and you don't have to let him punish you. The sooner you cut him out of your life completely the more relaxed you will feel.
Plus, new car shopping? Bonus

Ye Gods and little fishes "Owed from the relationship" ? Are you serious ?

That said I wouldn't cancel the insurance as the car could end up crushed.

Frankly dignity and distance are the way to go ....not trading favours. If she gives him the car he's likely to see it as weakness and demand other stuff too.

tayforth

duckeggblue wrote: »

This is such an important post Tay. I wonder if you could discuss this with your doctor .Your body is telling you to need to release some of the pressure.I have sometimes found a couple of prescribed sleeping tablets useful to have, for when I need that extra rest.Personally I never take them for more than two days, and never wanted more than 5 prescribed,and sometimes I have just taken half a tablet at the weekend if I wake in the middle of the night .
I have always thought that if you can get enough sleep, you can cope with most things.

I'll bear that in mind. I might ask for one or two sleeping tablets, particularly for the night before the wedding. And you're right, a good sleep works wonders.

I'll let the doctor know what's been going on and ask for suggestions. Thank you xx

duchy wrote: »

Ye Gods and little fishes "Owed from the relationship" ? Are you serious ?

That said I wouldn't cancel the insurance as the car could end up crushed.

Frankly dignity and distance are the way to go ....not trading favours. If she gives him the car he's likely to see it as weakness and demand other stuff too.

Well, of course you and I and everyone on this thread can see that he's owed nothing. He's had more than enough chances and he wasted them all. But he may see it differently, he's very arrogant and likes to be in control. He's attempting to put me in my place and get revenge on me for ending it. How dare I.


In any case, I can't cancel the insurance, he's the policy holder and I'm the named driver.


And I've severed all contact, to preserve my dignity, sanity and self-respect. If he takes the car, he's showing his true colours to all and sundry.

Gavin83

He could take you off as a named driver so it's potentially not safe for you to drive the car anyway.