FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

Kayalana99

A quick call to the insurance company would clear it up anyway.

spirit

Other than the car, is there anything else he might try to use as leverage this week?

Forewarned is forearmed and all that. He will know how important the wedding is to you.

Mojisola

spirit wrote: »

Other than the car, is there anything else he might try to use as leverage this week?

Forewarned is forearmed and all that. He will know how important the wedding is to you.

Tay - What will you do if he turns up at the wedding?

tayforth

spirit wrote: »

What comes around goes around. You will benefit from that given your kind nature.

He on the other hand will not.

Thank you xx

LannieDuck wrote: »

Tay, have you seen the doctor about your rash? I'm sure it's stress-related (I've been following your thread, and congratulations on how far you've come), but there's probably something s/he can give you to help and stop it spreading.

Unfortunately I suffer from all sorts of rashes, and they can normally be attacked with creams/antibiotics/other lotions and potions

I'll see if I can get an appointment tomorrow. I'd like to get rid of it before the wedding. Thank you xx

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Tay - well done - just one more week ish to go.

Don't under estimate this next week though - are there any stress busting activities you can do to calm you down a bit and start working on that breathing and rash business? If you are anywhere in the Notts area you can come and do some community gardening in the evenings if you want at our garden. An hour watching frogs is enough to soothe anyone's troubles away.

Ah, I'd love to do that. I love frogs! I'll try to stay as relaxed as I can this week, and I hope to get plenty of sleep xx

tayforth

Frith wrote: »

My ex did something similar with my car.

I left him in 2005 (to go to a women's refuge with my children). It was my car but of course I had no paperwork with me.

He left a message (well, he left a couple of hundred messages!!) to say he had taken me off his insurance. So I couldn't drive the car at all.

Never mind the fact I was the one with 2 children and a full time job....

The car ended up being the one of the arguments he used for the next 1.5 years until the divorce was finalised. It was parked up in a field at my mum and dad's for that time.

To cut a long story short, the judge decided he didn't need TWO cars (!) But even then, ex decided he just had to have the one I had been driving.

Dad got it out of the field for me, battery flat etc. In the 18 months it had been parked, it had grown a 3cm thick layer of mould over all the carpets and seats.

Anyway, just wanted to echo what others have said and that is to see if you can be free of the car as soon as possible.

(You're doing very well )

It amazes me how horrid people can be. Even worse that he did it to his children as well as you. That's appalling. And thanks for your kind words xxx

spirit wrote: »

Other than the car, is there anything else he might try to use as leverage this week?

Forewarned is forearmed and all that. He will know how important the wedding is to you.

There's nothing that I can think of. He can't get into the house. I suppose that he can make up lies to make me look bad to our mutual friends, but there's nothing I can do except hope that they won't believe him.

I don't think that he'll try anything related to the wedding. He won't know yet that I've decided to hire a car, so right now he probably thinks that he still has our car as leverage.

Mojisola wrote: »

Tay - What will you do if he turns up at the wedding?

I seriously doubt that he would. If he did, I'd be horrified. He doesn't know where the church is, but he might be able to guess. He knows where the reception is.


I don't think that he'd turn up. But if he does, if he spoils my sister's wedding and upsets my family, there will be hell to pay. He knows that he's been able to get away with murder when I'm concerned, but he also knows that I'm super protective of my family.

spirit

I don't think he will turn up at the wedding IMHO.

He would have assumed that you had told them I think and therefore he would think he would look a !!!!!! if he turned up.

I guess his mother in law does not have a close relationship with him or she would have phoned him to 'find out how his cold/flu is'.

zzzLazyDaisy

Hi Tay, I've been off line for a couple of days.

Firstly, well done on getting the locks changed and going 'no-contact'. It really is the only way to free yourself from him. No matter what he says, he will not play fair..... and the more he feels his control over you slipping through his fingers the more he is likely to either be nice to you or to try to punish you (either way to get your attention and keep your focus on him). No-contact may seem harsh to outsiders, but don't be influenced, you need to take care of yourself.

Sorry to hear you found the weekend get-together stressful (but in a way that was almost inevitable with your ex's antics and feeling that you have to hold everything together for your sister).

One thing about the car - driving without insurance is a strict liability offence - which means that if you do it, you are guilty, the reasons don't matter, but as someone else has said, a quick call to the insurer would settle the issue anyway. But the truth is, there will almost inevitably be a financial cost to you in all this, because he WILL use the car to exercise control over you... he has few avenues left... so you may just have to let it go, for your own sanity, but speak to your solicitor about that.

Hope you are safe and well and curled up in your own home xx

tayforth

I'm now on the train, breathing a sigh of relief. Three weekends survived, only the big one to go.

spirit wrote: »

I don't think he will turn up at the wedding IMHO.

He would have assumed that you had told them I think and therefore he would think he would look a !!!!!! if he turned up.

I guess his mother in law does not have a close relationship with him or she would have phoned him to 'find out how his cold/flu is'.

He knows that I don't intend telling my family until after the wedding. Yes, I took a risk telling him that. But at least he can't claim that he didn't know my plans if he does contact them.

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Hi Tay, I've been off line for a couple of days.

Firstly, well done on getting the locks changed and going 'no-contact'. It really is the only way to free yourself from him. No matter what he says, he will not play fair..... and the more he feels his control over you slipping through his fingers the more he is likely to either be nice to you or to try to punish you (either way to get your attention and keep your focus on him). No-contact may seem harsh to outsiders, but don't be influenced, you need to take care of yourself.

Sorry to hear you found the weekend get-together stressful (but in a way that was almost inevitable with your ex's antics and feeling that you have to hold everything together for your sister).

One thing about the car - driving without insurance is a strict liability offence - which means that if you do it, you are guilty, the reasons don't matter, but as someone else has said, a quick call to the insurer would settle the issue anyway. But the truth is, there will almost inevitably be a financial cost to you in all this, because he WILL use the car to exercise control over you... he has few avenues left... so you may just have to let it go, for your own sanity, but speak to your solicitor about that.

Hope you are safe and well and curled up in your own home xx

Thanks for the info re the car. I'm doubly glad now that I'm hiring one. I couldn't trust him to play fair. I feel as if I'm controlling my own destiny for the first time in years.


I'm going to speak to a solicitor this week.


If anyone gives me a hard time for cutting all contact, I'll tell them that this is how it has to be, sadly. I won't get into justifying my actions. My real friends will understand. Those who know the full story will definitely understand. My solicitor friend told me to do it in the first place, and the two friends I've told have said that it's 100% the right thing to do.


And thank you, I'll be back in my little house soon, and then I'll post properly from my computer. My replies are always shorter on my phone!

spirit

It isn't anyone's business that you have gone no contact. It's not like you have to speak to him about child arrangements for example.

Nor do you have to justify yourself to anyone.

tayforth

spirit wrote: »

It isn't anyone's business that you have gone no contact. It's not like you have to speak to him about child arrangements for example.

Nor do you have to justify yourself to anyone.

Thank you. And, thank goodness, I don't have to speak to him about *anything*!


I know that it's said that you don't know how strong you can be until you're tested, but I honestly wouldn't have thought that I had it in me to handle something like this. And that's why I stuck it out for so long.