FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

spirit

tayforth wrote: »

I know that it's said that you don't know how strong you can be until you're tested, but I honestly wouldn't have thought that I had it in me to handle something like this. And that's why I stuck it out for so long.

I agree, a good friend of mine thought I'd fall at the first hurdle and go running back to him. I was so downtrodden at that stage and didn't even have the courage to ask for a drink at a bar (when out with him).

yet you find your inner reserves at times like this. However, it is important that you look after yourself Tay. I saw that you didn't eat the other day after the Cargate phone call. You must keep your strength up by eating and sleeping properly. You need to see your GP about the rash too. I think it is stress related but am not a medical expert.

tayforth

I'm back. Collected my new keys from the next door neighbours, and now I'm in my house all on my own. It's bliss.

My neighbours are lovely. When I told them about the ex leaving, they were so relieved for me. I apologised for all the shouting and screaming they'd had to listen to at all hours of the day and night. I told them that I'd been humiliated knowing that they were being disturbed. They said that it wasn't my fault, that they'd only ever heard his voice raised (never mine) and that he seemed to get worse after we got married. I had a few tears then. Bless them.

Sorry if I've told that story already, I think that I might have.

spirit wrote: »

I agree, a good friend of mine thought I'd fall at the first hurdle and go running back to him. I was so downtrodden at that stage and didn't even have the courage to ask for a drink at a bar (when out with him).

yet you find your inner reserves at times like this. However, it is important that you look after yourself Tay. I saw that you didn't eat the other day after the Cargate phone call. You must keep your strength up by eating and sleeping properly. You need to see your GP about the rash too. I think it is stress related but am not a medical expert.

Thank you. I promise to try to eat more. I have almost no appetite ATM, but I'll try to eat little and often. I need to keep up those inner reserves.

tayforth

harrys_nan wrote: »

I've said it before, but you come over as such a thoughtful and kind person, that it wasn't hard to "take" to you, I really cant wait for this to be over for you and you can get on with the rest of your life.
It will be such a relief for you when you tell your mum and sister and I can understand you wanting to wait, But after that please start putting yourself at the front of the line, before everyone else.
take care
harrys nan xx

Thank you so much. I am going to start putting myself first. After my sister's wedding, I will breathe a huge sigh of relief.

Do you know what? I'm looking forward to not having to put on my wedding and engagement ring for work and my mum's. I've been taking them off the second I get home every day and hate wearing them now.

joolsybools wrote: »

Hi Tayforth, I've just been catching up on your thread after about a 2 week break.

Congratulations on leaving him! That was a turn up for the books as the last time I had read the thread you were going to stay together until after your sister's wedding iirc. I think you did the right thing

Now's the time to put yourself first, look after yourself and definitely good advice from the Solicitor re contact. The sooner a line is drawn underneath it all the better for everyone.

Once again, well done and remember to be kind to yourself in the coming weeks and months, you are bound to have a few ups and downs xx

Hi joolsybools, I remember you posting before. I have come a long way And thanks for the advice and kind words xx

Perryl wrote: »

Hey Tayforth.

Also just finally caught up with your thread after a little while away. You are amazing. You have shown so much strength and dignity in what you have done, you should be very proud of yourself. Congratulations on the start of your new life.

I know you will probably still have a fair few emotional ups and downs, but don't be afraid to cry, or rant if you need to. It's all part of the healing process. You clearly have some lovely friends around you to help too. So sweet of the one you were supposed to visit to rush around to you when you needed someone.

I think you have had some amazing advice, everyone else that has posted here, all so touching, and kind. I have to admit, I've borrowed some of your own advice to pass on to a friend who has still had doubts, and it's all helped her too. You're all wonderful.

Tayforth, I hope you have a lovely weekend. Enjoy yourself, you're new found freedom. Enjoy having your personal space the way you want it, enjoy being able to do what you want without having to worry what he will say. I really hope this is the start of an amazing new path for you, I am sure it will be.

Take care of yourself hun.

Thank you. And yes, it was incredibly sweet of her, especially considering that she's married to one of my ex's friends. She was really lovely to me.

tayforth

spirit wrote: »

How are your mum and sister with you Tay? Any awkward questions or issues like you had with mum last weekend?

I've been out this afternoon with my daughter and bought her wedding dress. I had to have a lie down when i saw the price tag!

They seemed to believe that 'OH' is ill, so that's good.

And lol at the wedding dress comment!

Speaking of which, I'm debating what to do with mine. Obviously I don't want to keep it now. Is it worth trying to sell it?

marisco wrote: »

The rash that you have noticed developing and the change in your breathing, whereby you catch your breath, is a physical reaction to all the pent up anxiety, stress and upset you have been under for so long.

I experienced very similar when splitting from my ex. It does ease off in time. Up till very recently you have had to maintain a level of contact with your ex, with him collecting his things from your home and wanting to use the car. This would understandably have been very stressful for you and put you under pressure you could have really done without.

Now that your landlord has changed the locks you can rest assured that your home is your own. A sanctuary for you where you can relax, feel safe and know that your ex cant come in and reduce you to how he once made you feel. Your body is reacting to the relief of this tayforth. You are slowly allowing yourself to finally let go of all that you feared and that upset you and will be at ease. It can come as a shock to the system that you can finally do this and that is what you are going through right now.

You are going to be okay

You're absolutely right, marisco. I have had to deal with a lot in a short space of time. I've probably put my body under as much stress as my mind - I've been full of adrenaline for weeks. Even sitting here now, breathing normally, I feel as if I'm more at peace than I was this time 2 days ago.

And it's reassuring to know that it will ease off and I'll be ok. I needed that xx

mcja wrote: »

Be strong, be graceful and be so so proud. You have achieved amazing things, and only you know what you have done in that room.

Hold your head very high, walk very very tall and have that whiskey. Enjoy being surround by people who love you and are all there for a family event. I understand why you aren't telling them yet, (and that's the harder option not the easiest)

Thank you. I did take comfort from the fact that they were all there to support and celebrate with my family. And I put on a happy face. Even after what's happened, I won't allow this special time to be spoiled.

tayforth

marisco wrote: »

Tayforth you are not lying to anyone. Your ex is ill. You do not choose to treat someone you are married to as he did you when you are mentally well. He has huge psyhcological problems and is a very sick man, as your disclosures on this thread about all he has said and done to you sadly prove.

Perryl wrote: »

Marisco is very right Tayforth. Everyone I'm sure will understand you wanted this to be about your sister and it is all raw for you, that it wasn't the right time to tell them the details, not for you. You've come so far in such a short time. You can get through this and next weekend too I'm sure.

Thank you both xxx

marisco wrote: »

Okay, bit of a pep talk coming up. It is admirable that despite all you have been through, your first priorities are still to put others feelings ahead of your own, by not speaking of what has gone on before the wedding. That speaks volumes to me about what a considerate and caring person you are.

However, there comes a time when you have to priorities yourself. A person can only cope with so much before the strain takes its toll and pulls them under. Dont let yourself get to that stage. You are already suffering stress related shock symptoms with the rash and effected breathing.

Dont do anything that you dont feel comfy about or that adds to your stress levels. Tell your family you are tired and not feeling a hundred percent, which would not be a lie and retire to bed. Have some time quietly to rest and recharge. You are going to need all your strength to get through the wedding.

I truly hope that when you finally feel you can tell all those around you what has happened to you, that they offer as much love, care and consideration to you, as you have shown to them.

I was really touched by this post last night, marisco. It kept me going that extra bit when I wanted to give in and feel sorry for myself. And I will take your advice :A xxxx

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By the way, I borrowed these quotes from another poster's sig. The first is very apt for this thread and all the kindness that you lot have shown me. The second needs no explanation.

One can pay back the loan of gold, but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind. ~Malayan Proverb

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much ~ Oscar Wilde

Money_maker

Moving on from the pinhole camera idea, could he have put anything on the PC which he can access remotely?

tayforth

Money_maker wrote: »

Moving on from the pinhole camera idea, could he have put anything on the PC which he can access remotely?

Jeez, now I'm going to be really paranoid!!!!!!!!!!!!! Might buy a laptop.

Edit: wouldn't it be illegal for him to do that, and what about cameras? I'm not very well up on this kind of thing.

duckeggblue

I used to not feel like eating sometimes, I bought some complan from boots, which is like a meal in a milkshake. Even if you don't eat, you can usually manage one of these.

tayforth

duckeggblue wrote: »

I used to not feel like eating sometimes, I bought some complan from boots, which is like a meal in a milkshake. Even if you don't eat, you can usually manage one of these.

I think my granny used to take that - my mum made her have it when she wouldn't eat much, and she always moaned about the taste! :rotfl: Will investigate. Thanks xxx

duckeggblue

The flavours improved now, it only used to be like a cross between Horlicks and cardboard