FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

CH27

Go to a reputable jeweller and ask for a quote.

tayforth

CH27 wrote: »

Go to a reputable jeweller and ask for a quote.

Thank you CH27. I'll try the shop where it was bought. I still have the diamond certificate and the jeweller's insurance valuation, so that would be a good place to start.

tayforth

How far I've come in a week. This time last week I was preparing to ask him to leave.

LannieDuck

The car is jointly owned? I would treat the engagement ring in the same way (although some may argue that it's fully owned by you), and suggest that one of you keeps the car, and the other gets the ring to buy a car with.

You both had a wedding ring, so that's easy.

tayforth

LannieDuck wrote: »

The car is jointly owned? I would treat the engagement ring in the same way (although some may argue that it's fully owned by you), and suggest that one of you keeps the car, and the other gets the ring to buy a car with.

You both had a wedding ring, so that's easy.

Yes, the car is jointly owned.


I'll have a think about it, no rush I suppose. Now that I'm rid of him, I just want to move things along as quickly as I can. But I'll slow down.

duchy

tayforth wrote: »

Jeez, now I'm going to be really paranoid!!!!!!!!!!!!! Might buy a laptop.

Edit: wouldn't it be illegal for him to do that, and what about cameras? I'm not very well up on this kind of thing.

Not illegal as he could claim he installed it when he lived there when it was "his" computer........but really I do think some posters are going a bit far with their paranoia - He didn't have tim,e to plan anything like this in advance if nothing else.

Unless he's very IT competent it's unlikely -but if you want to put your mind at rest google a program called malwarebytes (you only need the free version don't pay for it) and run it-It'll clean off any nasties and highlight any "odd" programs like anything that can capture key strokes. Job done.

As you are decluttering you'd have found a camera if it was there-and in all honesty he's keeping quiet so it's unlikely he's going to risk providing you with proof of what a nob he is to show family or friends or risk prosecution.

duchy

LannieDuck wrote: »

The car is jointly owned? I would treat the engagement ring in the same way (although some may argue that it's fully owned by you), and suggest that one of you keeps the car, and the other gets the ring to buy a car with.

You both had a wedding ring, so that's easy.

Legally Tay owns the engagement ring -it was a gift. It isn't a matter of arguing -it's a point of law - tested by the courts.

Who is the "keeper" of the car on the log book Tay ?

I think you said you rent so if you work on the basis that you kept somewhere to live and the lions share of its contents -and he keeps the car to off-set the costs of finding ( LL fees etc) moving and setting up his new home ? Maybe not an entirely fair split but might be worth it to keep things simple ? Just a thought.

marisco_2

tayforth wrote: »

How far I've come in a week. This time last week I was preparing to ask him to leave.

You are doing amazingly well. You will go through all manner of ups and downs as is to be expected after a break up. I am sure you have it within you to pull through this horrible time though and to go on to carve out the most amazing future for yourself

shegirl

tayforth wrote: »

Thank you CH27. I'll try the shop where it was bought. I still have the diamond certificate and the jeweller's insurance valuation, so that would be a good place to start.

Good idea.Definitely make sure you only go to reputable jewellers and don't just sell it quickly to the first one!I once (!) had a platinum and one carot engagement ring (main diamond-and i hate diamonds lmao-3/4,the rest made up in the band) that cost quite a bit but sold it to the first place I tried,just to get something for it,and got a pittance in reality.Could've treated myself nicely if I had waited and tried a few places!

Just to add: it can feel a bit sad when you take it in but when it's gone it's like closing a door

tayforth

duchy wrote: »

Not illegal as he could claim he installed it when he lived there when it was "his" computer........but really I do think some posters are going a bit far with their paranoia - He didn't have tim,e to plan anything like this in advance if nothing else.

Unless he's very IT competent it's unlikely -but if you want to put your mind at rest google a program called malwarebytes (you only need the free version don't pay for it) and run it-It'll clean off any nasties and highlight any "odd" programs like anything that can capture key strokes. Job done.

As you are decluttering you'd have found a camera if it was there-and in all honesty he's keeping quiet so it's unlikely he's going to risk providing you with proof of what a nob he is to show family or friends or risk prosecution.

He is pretty IT-literate. I'll try that program, thanks. And I don't think that he's done anything, but I'm starting to be suspicious about why he felt that he *had* to take the day off work last Thursday to collect the last of his stuff.

He said that he'd ring or text if he was coming that day, but he didn't ring me until he was finished and about to leave. So that I couldn't come round even if I wanted to. More controlling.

duchy wrote: »

Legally Tay owns the engagement ring -it was a gift. It isn't a matter of arguing -it's a point of law - tested by the courts.

Who is the "keeper" of the car on the log book Tay ?

I think you said you rent so if you work on the basis that you kept somewhere to live and the lions share of its contents -and he keeps the car to off-set the costs of finding ( LL fees etc) moving and setting up his new home ? Maybe not an entirely fair split but might be worth it to keep things simple ? Just a thought.

Thanks for the info on the ring, that was what I thought too.

He is the registered keeper of the car. But the police told me that if I have proof that I paid for half of it (I do), then it's jointly owned.

As for the contents of our house, everything that's left (except the bed and the computer) belongs to me or the LL! He almost always refused to go halves even on fairly essential stuff. I bought the crockery, place mats, saucepans, decorative stuff, lamps, bedlinen, towels - you name it.

There are a few items that were gifts from my mum as well. We never got any gifts from his mum, otherwise I'd have told him to take them.

marisco wrote: »

You are doing amazingly well. You will go through all manner of ups and downs as is to be expected after a break up. I am sure you have it within you to pull through this horrible time though and to go on to carve out the most amazing future for yourself

Thanks so much. At the minute, I feel very positive, I'm focusing on practical stuff and that's helping.

I went back to the counsellor this morning, she was very encouraging and congratulated me for having the guts to end it. She wants to see me again so that she can be sure that I'm ok.

I have an appointment with the doc for tomorrow to see what this rash is about. It's no better, but hopefully it'll be easily treated.