FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

shegirl wrote: »

Good idea.Definitely make sure you only go to reputable jewellers and don't just sell it quickly to the first one!I once (!) had a platinum and one carot engagement ring (main diamond-and i hate diamonds lmao-3/4,the rest made up in the band) that cost quite a bit but sold it to the first place I tried,just to get something for it,and got a pittance in reality.Could've treated myself nicely if I had waited and tried a few places!

Just to add: it can feel a bit sad when you take it in but when it's gone it's like closing a door

Thank you so much, shegirl.

And I won't feel sad at all, I'll be relieved to be rid of them and all that they represent.

duchy

I was surprised at the pangs of regret and sadness I felt when we first discussed divorce........ Splitting was definitely the right thing - but I think the pangs were regret for the couple who went into marriage planning a lifetime together (after all no-one gets married expecting it not to last) rather than any pangs about him. If that makes any sense.

[Deleted User]

There is a big difference between IT literate and being capable of things most people can't. An IT literate person may seem out of this world with all their knowledge and skills to a person who doesn't understand much about computers but the difference normally comes down to whether or not they know how to use a search engine to find problem solutions and has the confidence to follow instructions.

If he is IT literate he might be capable of downloading a program to log your key strokes or provide remote access however unless he is a genuinely talented computer user it's almost impossible for him to be capable of doing these things in ways that you won't be able to detect.

If you run the Malwarebytes program that was already recommended and check what programs are running you'll find anything he's secretly installed. If he was competent enough to go beyond the standard level of spying and do things you could never detect then you would absolutely know about those skills, they're not something someone picks up when they spend an hour or two a night reading news sites and watching iPlayer.

If you want to be absolutely sure (without spending money on a laptop) find your copy of the Operating System install disk and format the hard drive and start fresh, you'll lose all your files (back anything important of yours and his first onto a USB stick) but you can be confident the machine is clean.

tayforth

duchy wrote: »

I was surprised at the pangs of regret and sadness I felt when we first discussed divorce........ Splitting was definitely the right thing - but I think the pangs were regret for the couple who went into marriage planning a lifetime together (after all no-one gets married expecting it not to last) rather than any pangs about him. If that makes any sense.

If we had simply fallen out of love, or even if he'd cheated on me, I might feel like that. That we'd lost what we once had.

As it is, my only regret is that I ever met him in the first place. I see our entire relationship in a totally different light. It wasn't a relationship at all, really.

I was telling my friend (his friend's wife) on Friday evening about something not-very-nice that he'd said on our actual wedding day, and she said, "That wasn't your wedding day. That day is still to come."

tayforth

citricsquid wrote: »

There is a big difference between IT literate and being capable of things most people can't. An IT literate person may seem out of this world with all their knowledge and skills to a person who doesn't understand much about computers but the difference normally comes down to whether or not they know how to use a search engine to find problem solutions and has the confidence to follow instructions.

If he is IT literate he might be capable of downloading a program to log your key strokes or provide remote access however unless he is a genuinely talented computer user it's almost impossible for him to be capable of doing these things in ways that you won't be able to detect.

If you run the Malwarebytes program that was already recommended and check what programs are running you'll find anything he's secretly installed. If he was competent enough to go beyond the standard level of spying and do things you could never detect then you would absolutely know about those skills, they're not something someone picks up when they spend an hour or two a night reading news sites and watching iPlayer.

If you want to be absolutely sure (without spending money on a laptop) find your copy of the Operating System install disk and format the hard drive and start fresh, you'll lose all your files (back anything important of yours and his first onto a USB stick) but you can be confident the machine is clean.

He always tries to find a solution to any IT or technical problem and he's highly intelligent. As for confidence, he's not short of that either. So I really wouldn't put it past him.

I'll try the Malwarebytes program and see what that comes up with. No idea where the OS install disk is. He probably took it. Thank you again xx

mcja

At some point Tay, print off this thread. You can see just how far you have come.

You have been and continue to be amazing.

xx

tayforth

mcja wrote: »

At some point Tay, print off this thread. You can see just how far you have come.

You have been and continue to be amazing.

xx

Thank you mcja. I will do that.

I did read back from the start a few days ago, and ended up in tears. I can still remember the pain I was going through in those first few days, I felt so alone, trapped and hopeless. I was still blaming myself, I was confused about why I felt the way I did. I couldn't see a way out. I didn't believe that I was being abused. It's difficult to read.

Mojisola

tayforth wrote: »

I didn't believe that I was being abused.

That's very common.

It's alarming how a certain way of living can become "normal" until you move outside it and see it objectively.

mcja

I am darn sure it was, I actually meant to it away for a while.x

spirit

CH27 wrote: »

Go to a reputable jeweller and ask for a quote.

^^ exactly this.

I would take the dress to a specialist dry cleaner too. I would not be gambling with a washing machine.

Re the rings and other personal effects of yours, the rings are a gift and not to be counted in the split - same with his ring. Clothes are personal items.

the things which do count are assets, like pensions, savings, insurance or assurance policies etc.