FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

Mojisola wrote: »

That's very common.

It's alarming how a certain way of living can become "normal" until you move outside it and see it objectively.

That's exactly it. I'm appalled at how I put up with it for so long. I was coping, and I thought that I could bear it, and then I snapped under the weight of it all. And not a moment too soon.

tayforth

spirit wrote: »

^^ exactly this.

I would take the dress to a specialist dry cleaner too. I would not be gambling with a washing machine.

Re the rings and other personal effects of yours, the rings are a gift and not to be counted in the split - same with his ring. Clothes are personal items.

the things which do count are assets, like pensions, savings, insurance or assurance policies etc.

I'm assuming that, since we were married for such a short time and have no children, we won't have any claim on each other's pensions, savings etc? Am I right?

We have no life assurance policies.

Just phoned a few dry cleaners - they say that it's between £70 and £150 to dry clean a wedding dress!!!! :eek:

spirit

not sure how length of the marriage will affect whether either party can claim on the other's pensions or not. your solicitor will be able to advise.

I had a pension as did !!!!!!-face so it was quid pro quo for us.

re the dry cleaning bill, if you don't have it specially cleaned and it gets ruined, you've lost a hellava lot more money than that.

Mojisola

spirit wrote: »

not sure how length of the marriage will affect whether either party can claim on the other's pensions or not. your solicitor will be able to advise.

Two years is often quoted in posts.

tayforth

spirit wrote: »

not sure how length of the marriage will affect whether either party can claim on the other's pensions or not. your solicitor will be able to advise.

I had a pension as did !!!!!!-face so it was quid pro quo for us.

re the dry cleaning bill, if you don't have it specially cleaned and it gets ruined, you've lost a hellava lot more money than that.

We both have pensions, similar terms. I don't want anything of his whatsoever. Just a clean break. I'll be glad to be rid of him tbh.

I always had the impression that we would only have to split assets if one of us had given up work to 'keep house'/support the other's career/bring up children.

That's true about the dress. Mind you, I was intending to just keep it, so I'm not really losing money by chucking it in the machine. But I'll have a think about it. I don't want it cluttering up the house for too much longer!

tayforth

I'll speak to a solicitor. If there's any chance that he'll try to make a claim on my pension or savings, I'll go for an annulment. It's usually more expensive but will save me money in the long run.

spirit

tayforth wrote: »

That's true about the dress. Mind you, I was intending to just keep it, so I'm not really losing money by chucking it in the machine. But I'll have a think about it. I don't want it cluttering up the house for too much longer!

Does it really need dry cleaning or could you attempt spot cleaning at home?

If you were really not fussed about the dress, you might consider this http://www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/bridal?pscid=ps_ggl_GR_OXInternal_TopNaturalMissingBrand_bridal&gclid=CL2cwP7j77YCFWXJtAodmHsACQ

tayforth

spirit wrote: »

Does it really need dry cleaning or could you attempt spot cleaning at home?

If you were really not fussed about the dress, you might consider this http://www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/bridal?pscid=ps_ggl_GR_OXInternal_TopNaturalMissingBrand_bridal&gclid=CL2cwP7j77YCFWXJtAodmHsACQ

I'll see. It's not really dirty - a little fake tan staining inside the neckline armpits and some dry dust stains under the hem.

And I might give it away Thanks xx

zzzLazyDaisy

Hi Tay

A couple comments:

The rings belong to you, they were given as gifts. I took my valuable rings off, and also stopped wearing a solid gold necklace which, with the rise in gold is probably worth a few hundred pounds now. I put them 'somewhere'..... ten years and two moves later, I don't know where they are (I suspect that a lodger who did a moonlight might know something about the necklace as it was around that time that I realised it was not where I thought it was). Anyway, the point is, I don't know why I kept them as they have never seen the light of day again and if I had them now, I would sell them in a heart beat.

The point about all assets falling into the joint pot when the financial issues are dealt with on divorce is true, but that doesn't mean that you can't sell the rings or move on with your life right now, it just means that *if* he raises the value of the rings during that process, the solicitor will deal with it, in the same way as *if* he sells the car, this will also be dealt with during the process.

What happens is that there is no scientific formula, and after a lot of negotiation, normally an agreement is reached - which often both sides believe favours the other person - but it is the best that can be achieved so they accept it. If there is not much to argue over it just isn't worth the costs of going to court, so realistically it is a case of getting the best deal you can and then just walking away.

Re the dress - I turned my wedding dress inside out and washed it on a silk wash in the washing machine. It came up like new. But I had already decided that if it got ruined it would just go in the bin, so I had nothing to lose - and in fact I ended up giving it to the local charity shop anyway (but it wasn't worth as much as yours to start with).

Re the PC. You might need help with this (it isn't difficult but I don't know how techie you are). This is what I did. First you need to back up all your photos, music, documents etc. I found that the easiest way is to pick up an external hard-drive from amazon, plug it in (it shows up as an extra drive) and just drag and drop the stuff you want to save onto the drive. The techies on MSE are great if you need help. Then, you need to return the pc to factory settings - this gets rid of all programs, viruses, etc etc. Older pc's need the original disc but if it is relatively new, it is possible to do this by using the factory restore mode on the pc (if you tell us the make and model of the pc, we can look and see if yours is one of those). Then when it is finished, you would need to reload programs that you use (anti virus, adobe, itunes, etc) plug the drive back in and drop and drag the stuff back onto the pc. This will guarantee there is no key-logger or other strange software on the pc.

Alternatively you could take the pc into a local independent pc shop and ask them to carry out this process for you.

You are doing so well. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to re-adjust, reclaim your identity, and get used to being the only person you have to answer to. It sounds so obvious, but in reality it does take time.

xxx

spirit

tayforth wrote: »

I'll see. It's not really dirty - a little fake tan staining inside the neckline armpits and some dry dust stains under the hem.

And I might give it away Thanks xx

In which case the people on the old style section here may be able to advise you how to do it yourself safely. What fabric is it?