FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

Odette wrote: »

I know he has treated you badly but why don't you let him have the car. You have kept the residence and don't have to deal with the rigmarole of moving and I imagine you were splitting the cost of rent/bills. At least that way its done and he has something he may feel he is owed from the relationship. Either way you need to decide what is to be done with the car it so he cant control you with it.
Everyone has done things that are wrong or that we rightly would feel ashamed of but its not your job to punish him and you don't have to let him punish you. The sooner you cut him out of your life completely the more relaxed you will feel.
Plus, new car shopping? Bonus

Thank you. I've decided to have no further contact, so I'll put it out of my mind for now, and concentrate on nice things - making my house lovely, and my sister's wedding.

spirit wrote: »

I'm with mmlc, Bach Rescue Remedy spray is a godsend. A couple of puffs under the tongue will relax you in a nanosecond.

Healthfood stores will have it and some chemists I think.

I always carry some in my handbag.

Thanks. I had some for my driving test, must buy some more xxx

tayforth

I've said this before, but the advice on this thread has been absolutely amazing. So many ideas, questions and perspectives that wouldn't have occurred to me but make so much sense.

Without you lovely people, I know for sure that I wouldn't be where I am now. I might still be with that horrible abusive man, I might have handled the break-up conversation really badly, I would certainly have been even more upset and affected by yesterday's antics.


You've been incredibly helpful from an emotional, mental, legal and practical point of view.


So give yourselves a pat on the back. You're all wonderful xxxx

lostinrates

tayforth wrote: »

I've said this before, but the advice on this thread has been absolutely amazing. So many ideas, questions and perspectives that wouldn't have occurred to me but make so much sense.

Without you lovely people, I know for sure that I wouldn't be where I am now. I might still be with that horrible abusive man, I might have handled the break-up conversation really badly, I would certainly have been even more upset and affected by yesterday's antics.


You've been incredibly helpful from an emotional, mgental, legal and practical point of view.


So give yourselves a pat on the back. You're all wonderful xxxx

You are very sweet.


The only person who has really been 'absolutely amazing'. You have made big changes with incredible grace.

harrys_nan

tayforth wrote: »

I've said this before, but the advice on this thread has been absolutely amazing. So many ideas, questions and perspectives that wouldn't have occurred to me but make so much sense.

Without you lovely people, I know for sure that I wouldn't be where I am now. I might still be with that horrible abusive man, I might have handled the break-up conversation really badly, I would certainly have been even more upset and affected by yesterday's antics.


You've been incredibly helpful from an emotional, mental, legal and practical point of view

So give yourselves a pat on the back. You're all wonderful xxxx

I've said it before, but you come over as such a thoughtful and kind person, that it wasn't hard to "take" to you, I really cant wait for this to be over for you and you can get on with the rest of your life.
It will be such a relief for you when you tell your mum and sister and I can understand you wanting to wait, But after that please start putting yourself at the front of the line, before everyone else.
take care
harrys nan xx

joolsybools

Hi Tayforth, I've just been catching up on your thread after about a 2 week break.

Congratulations on leaving him! That was a turn up for the books as the last time I had read the thread you were going to stay together until after your sister's wedding iirc. I think you did the right thing

Now's the time to put yourself first, look after yourself and definitely good advice from the Solicitor re contact. The sooner a line is drawn underneath it all the better for everyone.

Once again, well done and remember to be kind to yourself in the coming weeks and months, you are bound to have a few ups and downs xx

Perryl_2

Hey Tayforth.

Also just finally caught up with your thread after a little while away. You are amazing. You have shown so much strength and dignity in what you have done, you should be very proud of yourself. Congratulations on the start of your new life.

I know you will probably still have a fair few emotional ups and downs, but don't be afraid to cry, or rant if you need to. It's all part of the healing process. You clearly have some lovely friends around you to help too. So sweet of the one you were supposed to visit to rush around to you when you needed someone.

I think you have had some amazing advice, everyone else that has posted here, all so touching, and kind. I have to admit, I've borrowed some of your own advice to pass on to a friend who has still had doubts, and it's all helped her too. You're all wonderful.

Tayforth, I hope you have a lovely weekend. Enjoy yourself, you're new found freedom. Enjoy having your personal space the way you want it, enjoy being able to do what you want without having to worry what he will say. I really hope this is the start of an amazing new path for you, I am sure it will be.

Take care of yourself hun.

tayforth

Thanks so much, all of you.

The party is just about to start, and I'm on kitchen duty (which is good - can keep a low profile). I'll reply to you all later, but do keep posting, as I will be sneaking on here every so often and reading your lovely posts to help me get through this evening!


All the people who are coming tonight were at my wedding too, and I'm dreading the "well, how's married life?" questions.


A stiff whisky may be needed.


Wish me luck xxx

spirit

How are your mum and sister with you Tay? Any awkward questions or issues like you had with mum last weekend?

I've been out this afternoon with my daughter and bought her wedding dress. I had to have a lie down when i saw the price tag!

marisco_2

The rash that you have noticed developing and the change in your breathing, whereby you catch your breath, is a physical reaction to all the pent up anxiety, stress and upset you have been under for so long.

I experienced very similar when splitting from my ex. It does ease off in time. Up till very recently you have had to maintain a level of contact with your ex, with him collecting his things from your home and wanting to use the car. This would understandably have been very stressful for you and put you under pressure you could have really done without.

Now that your landlord has changed the locks you can rest assured that your home is your own. A sanctuary for you where you can relax, feel safe and know that your ex cant come in and reduce you to how he once made you feel. Your body is reacting to the relief of this tayforth. You are slowly allowing yourself to finally let go of all that you feared and that upset you and will be at ease. It can come as a shock to the system that you can finally do this and that is what you are going through right now.

You are going to be okay

mcja

Be strong, be graceful and be so so proud. You have achieved amazing things, and only you know what you have done in that room.

Hold your head very high, walk very very tall and have that whiskey. Enjoy being surround by people who love you and are all there for a family event. I understand why you aren't telling them yet, (and that's the harder option not the easiest)