FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

paulineb_2

You dont hit and hurt people you love. No excuses and emotional blackmail isnt a way to get someone to stay.

He wont change without help. Anger management, intensive counselling. What are you getting at the moment? Hurt, abused, walking on eggshells and you are terrified of him and your child is growing up in this environment, oh and you dont see your friends either because hes cutting you off from them and you are too low to see them. All of this at 21 years of age.

You are getting smothered and burned with cigarettes, all the breakfasts in bed and back rubs dont make up for the fact someone is abusing you.

BitterAndTwisted

MissMoo123: PLEASE GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!

He's already stepping up the frequency of his physical torture of you, so it's only a matter of time until he steps up on the severity of it.

Call Womens Aid now. TODAY.

People don't get their children taken from them because they are suffering from mental health issues, but they do if they willfully put their children in danger. This man is dangerous. To you now, but maybe to your child tomorrow.

GET OUT!

BitterAndTwisted

MissMoo123 wrote: »

I have considered that on many occasions, but like I said I do love and care about him and couldn't just leave him if all he needs is help.

You are not a mental health specialist, so you cannot help him with this.

Also he has said if I ever leave him he would commit suicide and I couldn't have that on my conscience and have to explain to my son when he's older why he has no daddy .

Blackmail is just another form of control that he's exercising over you.

You and your child are in very grave danger. Please do not delay. GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!

tayforth

Sorry I was away for ages. I stayed late at work and then on impulse went to the Samaritans on my way home. I spoke to a lovely woman for about 2 hours. The relief was incredible. She was so kind.

Then, when I got home, OH asked where I'd been. I told him that I'd been talking to someone. He asked again if we could go to marriage counselling. I said that I wasn't ready yet. That I needed to talk on my own.

Then I suggested that he go to counselling alone first too, to address his anger. He refused, saying that his only problems come from our relationship. I said that I was going to bed, and he said that he couldn't go on like this, that he would leave. I didn't respond. He packed a few things, but then came back into the spare room and said that he didn't want to leave, that he wouldn't if I asked him not to. It made me feel guilty, but I stuck to my guns and didn't say anything. So he left about half an hour ago.

And I feel a strange sense of relief. But also huge sadness. I have no idea what will happen next. But I hope that I sleep tonight.

I'll update tomorrow. I'm on my tablet, the keyboard is crap so I can't post any more right now, sorry. And thank you all again xxxx

MissMoo123 wrote: »

Hi.
I too am a regular poster who has made a new account to post anonymously, I think with this subject you can't be honest because of the fear of someone knowing its you.

I too am in a relationship with someone whom I'm no longer sure about.

The differences though are that I'm not married so wouldn't have that complication in a break up, but I do have a 14 month old son. I'm only 21 though so may be easier, but may be harder (who knows?)

My partner calls me the C-word. So much so that I'm starting to think its my new name. He can be a bully, if he don't get what he wants he can put me down so much that I just want to cry, he can also get violent (hair pulling, neck grabbing, smothering with a pillow, punching and the odd cigarette burn). The thing I find hard is though that he says he can't help it (he has ADHD and blames that), he says he will get help but when hes ready. When hes nice, he's really nice, he'll make me breakfast in bed, buy me treats, rub my back and generally do anything to make me happy.

Originally the violence was only once every 3-4 months but has been getting gradually more frequent (now 2-3 times a month) I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time as I dont know whether todays the day I've got a loving boyfriend or the day hes a monster. He personally thinks he might have schizophrenia or bi-polar, but his family don't want him to go see a doctor as they think if anything like that gets diagnosed it'll ruin his life and my son would be taken off us ( one of the reasons I'm worried too since they've said it).

I have thought of leaving him, but my son and I live in his flat and would be homeless should we move out, and our local council have told us if we did this we'd be making ourselves 'intentionally homeless' so they would be under no obligation to house us. So that also would be a worry.

I do love my partner but there are also times I hate him. I also don't actually have any friends any more either to speak to, as since being with him they've slowly stopped talking to me and inviting me out. Partly because he's so clingy and the fact that where I feel so down I don't feel like a night out.

I'm sorry for the long post. I just had to let it out. I hope you get yourself sorted too and keep us posted! Do whatever makes you happy.

I just wish I could take my own advice lol

Oh, my goodness. Just to add to what everyone else has said, please leave asap for the sake of yourself and your child. Physical violence will only get worse. Your life is in danger. Please, please go - now.

viscachaz

I've been told if I left someone they'd kill themselves.. they're still alive! People who threaten it usually don't actually go through with it, it's all emotional blackmail to make you stay.
Even if you left, and he killed himself, that's his choice.. only he could make that choice for himself, it's not your responsibility!

marisco_2

tayforth wrote: »

Then I suggested that he go to counselling alone first too, to address his anger. He refused, saying that his only problems come from our relationship.

I think you are incredibly strong. Well done you for going to see the Samaritans and I am very glad that you spoke to someone who helped you. From what I have quoted above it is clear that your husband is not willing to face the issues he has. He is deflecting his problems onto you, rather than taking responsibility for his actions.

You will feel a whole mix of emotions about all of this. That is totally normal. After all the strain you have been under from suffering his abuse the sense of relief is a natural reaction.

I hope you manage to sleep well. Rest will help you to cope and focus on what you want to do next.

tayforth

I don't believe it. He's just come back. Saying that he'll go to counselling on his own but he's not leaving.

!!!!

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Tay - I hope you get a good nights kip.

Miss moo - please listen to the others. That's designed to make you stay and you are in danger. You really need to call women's aid and get help ASAP.

And to anyone else in the same boat. Please get help and get yourself safe. X

Funky_Bold_Ribena

tayforth wrote: »

I don't believe it. He's just come back. Saying that he'll go to counselling on his own but he's not leaving.

!!!!

Hmm..you aren't playing the game and didn't run after him crying.

I think a bit of 'whatever' is needed, and hunker down on your own for the night. Don't let him wear you down by wanting to talk all night.

tayforth

I think I'm going to have to be the one to leave. Although most of the stuff in this house is mine, so it'd be easier for him to go.

I'm actually pretty angry at him right now. Why did he come back?