FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

Right. Must go to bed. Still very cross. Goodnight all, I'll post updates tomorrow. And thanks again xx

FBaby

Tayforth, I'm sorry if I come across accusingly, but I think you need to start taking some responsibility in what is happening. You seem to put all the fault on him and seem to expect him to make all the decisions and do so in a way that suits you.

I don't understand why you are cross with him that he has come back? He has because somehow, he thinks your marriage can still be saved. He clearly still loves you and seem to have no clue that you just can't wait for him to go, except that you don't have the guts to do it yourself.

That is incredibly unfair on him. As a poster said yesterday, he respected his ex for having done it when she realised her feelings were dead.

You felt a huge sense of relief when he was gone, so just take it by the horn and instead of being silent when he questions you (Gosh that would make ME very angry, it's horrible to have someone not responding to you when you ask THE question), just tell him that you don't love him any longer and want out of the relationship.

I do feel for you because it is indeed as hard to dump as it is to be dumped, but I think you need to take some ownership of the mess. He didn't cause it all himself, you're the one who wants out, so you need to be the one making it happen and do so quickly before the guy is completely battered emotionally.

Bangton

Out of interest why does he feel his problems are borne from the relationship? I mean ... if he's been like this most of your relationship then what is he saying you have done to cause his fury? I think regardless of anything it is clear your mind is made up and you don't want to work through this. I'm not chastising you in anyway but I'm not sure you even like this man let alone feel any small glimmer of love. Deep down I think perhaps you feel you need validation from others before you throw the towel in and that's what has set this chain of events of posting on here and going to samaritans. ... From the outside looking in its very clear how you feel and I think you should be sitting down and telling your husband it's over asap. If he wants to go to counselling he can and should alone but I think for your sake it's too little too late.......

CH27

Bangton wrote: »

Out of interest why does he feel his problems are borne from the relationship? I mean ... if he's been like this most of your relationship then what is he saying you have done to cause his fury? I think regardless of anything it is clear your mind is made up and you don't want to work through this. I'm not chastising you in anyway but I'm not sure you even like this man let alone feel any small glimmer of love. Deep down I think perhaps you feel you need validation from others before you throw the towel in and that's what has set this chain of events of posting on here and going to samaritans. ... From the outside looking in its very clear how you feel and I think you should be sitting down and telling your husband it's over asap. If he wants to go to counselling he can and should alone but I think for your sake it's too little too late.......

Because he can't admit he has any faults.
He's to cowardly to take a long, hard look at himself & so blames others.

Bangton

CH27 wrote: »

Because he can't admit he has any faults.
He's to cowardly to take a long, hard look at himself & so blames others.

From his point of view I'd be interested to hear. We only know one side of the story after all. ...

FBaby

Bangton wrote: »

From his point of view I'd be interested to hear. We only know one side of the story after all. ...

Absolutely and the way OP seems to take no onus to the state her relationship has got into, I suspect the other side might be very different as it often is.

CH27

Bangton wrote: »

From his point of view I'd be interested to hear. We only know one side of the story after all. ...

As always on here.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Of course you are only going to get one side of the story! As it's only one person typing.

And it's not just on here.

I know - mental innit.

Newspapers, books, articles, all material written by one person is only going to give [wait for it] their side of the story.

*watches MSE people falling down in amazement

Orlando_Virgin

FBaby wrote: »

That is incredibly unfair on him. As a poster said yesterday, he respected his ex for having done it when she realised her feelings were dead.

Yeah that was me. It wasn't that her feelings were dead it was just that she was unhappy. She was only 22, she felt like she had a lot more to achieve, travel and accomplish in life and for whatever reason that made her unhappy and feel like there was a "hole" in her life.

It was hugely different circumstances to the OP, the only similarity I was trying to point out that is if any one of the two in a relationship is unhappy for any reason, it needs to be communicated as soon as is possible. I got to the point where I was nearly depressed because I'd convinced myself that it was me making her unhappy, despite her ensisting it wasn't and she was fine - it was all in my head etc. until she realised/admitted she wasn't happy.

Although I was devastated and upset, the one positive I took from it all was that I knew I wasn't going insane, and something wasn't quite right, it was a bit of a relief. If you talk to your OH and explain civally all these negative feelings you have, it may just open his eyes. If it doesn't, then surely you know what has to be done.

Bangton

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Of course you are only going to get one side of the story! As it's only one person typing.

And it's not just on here.

I know - mental innit.

Newspapers, books, articles, all material written by one person is only going to give [wait for it] their side of the story.

*watches MSE people falling down in amazement

Thanks for that. .I am aware hence me asking further questions from his side of it. ...