FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

MissMoo123

Hi.
I too am a regular poster who has made a new account to post anonymously, I think with this subject you can't be honest because of the fear of someone knowing its you.

I too am in a relationship with someone whom I'm no longer sure about.

The differences though are that I'm not married so wouldn't have that complication in a break up, but I do have a 14 month old son. I'm only 21 though so may be easier, but may be harder (who knows?)

My partner calls me the C-word. So much so that I'm starting to think its my new name. He can be a bully, if he don't get what he wants he can put me down so much that I just want to cry, he can also get violent (hair pulling, neck grabbing, smothering with a pillow, punching and the odd cigarette burn). The thing I find hard is though that he says he can't help it (he has ADHD and blames that), he says he will get help but when hes ready. When hes nice, he's really nice, he'll make me breakfast in bed, buy me treats, rub my back and generally do anything to make me happy.

Originally the violence was only once every 3-4 months but has been getting gradually more frequent (now 2-3 times a month) I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time as I dont know whether todays the day I've got a loving boyfriend or the day hes a monster. He personally thinks he might have schizophrenia or bi-polar, but his family don't want him to go see a doctor as they think if anything like that gets diagnosed it'll ruin his life and my son would be taken off us ( one of the reasons I'm worried too since they've said it).

I have thought of leaving him, but my son and I live in his flat and would be homeless should we move out, and our local council have told us if we did this we'd be making ourselves 'intentionally homeless' so they would be under no obligation to house us. So that also would be a worry.

I do love my partner but there are also times I hate him. I also don't actually have any friends any more either to speak to, as since being with him they've slowly stopped talking to me and inviting me out. Partly because he's so clingy and the fact that where I feel so down I don't feel like a night out.

I'm sorry for the long post. I just had to let it out. I hope you get yourself sorted too and keep us posted! Do whatever makes you happy.

I just wish I could take my own advice lol

RAS

Hi

There are ways of dealing with that sort of experience that are are not very hard; the biggest hurdle is the fear of everything. It is not necessary to re-experience what happened then, as that was then and now is now.

Based on what I have experienced and what I have seen with other people's journeys at time, you will progress much more quickly with psychotherapy than with counselling for that sort of experience.

RAS

MissyMoo, please contact Womens Aid urgently and they will help you leave.

See here https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/1276963 and clear the history after reading.

Yorkie1

MissMoo please ring Womens' Aid. They will help.

Netwizard

Sorry I dont have much to add but im stunned people put up with stuff like this. Life is far too short to be unhappy.

Some of these relationships sound horrific. If it was me, I would be packing a bag and going back home or to a friends asap.

marisco_2

MissMoo123 I would advise that you also see your gp and get onto your medical records all that has been going on. You can also speak to the domestic abuse and violence unit linked to your local police station. I had to do this and they logged every incident. I was shocked when they told me I was at their highest level of risk and they put my family home on immediate response.

As it turns out I never had to use that because being told all this and that my children would be next was enough for me to call a day on my marriage and walk away.

MissMoo123

RAS wrote: »

MissyMoo, please contact Womens Aid urgently and they will help you leave.

I have considered that on many occasions, but like I said I do love and care about him and couldnt just leave him if all he needs is help.
Also he has said if I ever leave him he would commit suicide and I couldn't have that on my conscience and have to explain to my son when he's older why he has no daddy .

He has promised to change and I want to believe him more than anything. Part of me wants to force him to a doctor for counselling as he has so much anger inside of him I know its killing him. I just don't know the best approach to actually help him. As his biggest fear is to ask for help and be turned down. He also takes all his frustrations out on those closest to him. I know he doesn't mean it.

paulineb_2

MissMoo

Leave, before he kills you. Regardless of him having ADHD or schizophrenia, leave.

And you wont be making yourself intentionally homeless if you are fleeing violence. This isnt a normal way to live, you know this already.

It wont get better. For your safetys sake and that of your child get out as soon as you can.

RAS

MisyMoo

Please can you start your own thread as tayforth needs to talk to people and replies will get confused.

marisco_2

MissMoo123 wrote: »

Also he has said if I ever leave him he would commit suicide and I couldn't have that on my conscience and have to explain to my son when he's older why he has no daddy .

Hun this is emotional blackmail. Abuse is all about control. What he is doing is making you too scared to leave him so that he can maintain that level of control over you.