FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

Alpha58

gazzak wrote: »

OK, this is now starting to turn into a man hating thread. Guess what ladies, WE'RE NOT ALL LIKE THIS.

Did I miss something? I took the comments as exposing the mysogenistic behaviour of some specific individuals, not as a gender-based rant.

Shouldn't we keep this at the pleasant and frank exchange of views that it has thus far been and not let it descend into baseless and frankly pointless accusations?

tayforth

pinkladyof66 wrote: »

Oh NO are you seriously gonna wait til after the wedding to tell all, will your mum be upset that you didnt tell her earlier. I know when my mum was alive and i split from my hubbie she was one of the first i told I know it is hard with the wedding etc ! Do you think she will give you a lecture tell you you have acted hastily or is she likely to go beserk ! Are you close to your mum or not. Do you think she would be annoyed to hear that it happened over a week ago when you actually tell her. As I am guessing you are waiting for the wedding to be over, so how will you decide when the time is right. I just wondering as I dont know your mum obviously but dont want you to get into trouble or feel even more upset if she reacts badly to it

I can't even tell her straight afterwards. I'm leaving on the Monday. It'd be a bit much to tell her a day or two after.

I'll just escape, come back to work, visit her a week or two after and tell her then, when all the post-wedding fuss has calmed down and my sister will be almost back from honeymoon.

If it weren't for the wedding, of course I'd tell her straight away. And if she's annoyed that I didn't, I'll explain why and hope that she understands. I certainly won't feel bad for keeping it from her, as far as I'm concerned I'm doing the right thing by her and my sister. My choice.

Alpha58 wrote: »

Did I miss something? I took the comments as exposing the mysogenistic behaviour of some specific individuals, not as a gender-based rant.

Shouldn't we keep this at the pleasant and frank exchange of views that it has thus far been and not let it descend into baseless and frankly pointless accusations?

Yes, please let's do that. This has been a wonderful thread, I'd like to keep it that way.

Person_one

gazzak wrote: »

OK, this is now starting to turn into a man hating thread. Guess what ladies, WE'RE NOT ALL LIKE THIS.

Get over yourself, this thread is about support for Tayforth who is going through an incredibly difficult time, don't try to make it about anything else.

Person_one

tayforth wrote: »

Perhaps. He has let me down before, and she knows that, but she'd find it hard to believe that he'd let us down for my own sister's wedding.

When I tell her that he's got worse next week, to the point where he can't come, she'll either (a) believe me or (b) think that I'm covering up and we've had a massive fall-out. And then she'll be annoyed at both of us, because she'll think that it's incredibly selfish of us to let our problems affect the wedding.

Are you sure it wouldn't just be better to tell her?

You didn't want to because you wanted her to enjoy the run up to the wedding, but if she's going to be annoyed and disappointed anyway, she may as well know the truth, surely?

tayforth

Person_one wrote: »

Are you sure it wouldn't just be better to tell her?

You didn't want to because you wanted her to enjoy the run up to the wedding, but if she's going to be annoyed and disappointed anyway, she may as well know the truth, surely?

No, I'll stick to my plan. Even if she suspects, she probably won't say anything. And she has the wedding to distract her. So hopefully it'll be fine.

But if she questions me a lot, or tells me that she'd rather know if there's something wrong, then I'll think about telling her.

rockie4

I have just read this whole thread (over 2 days )

I'm in the process of splitting up with my OH of 25 years......25 years of hell in which I've put up with his alcoholism, mental and physical violence, near bankcrupcy and mental health issues....oh, and he hasn't worked much in that time, I've supported him

I think I must have 'MUG' tattooed on my forehead!!
I won't go into details as this thread is about YOU tayforth, so I just wanted to say that you are an inspiration to me:T I have laughed and cried reading your story and the stories that the others have posted.
Sadly, I have to sell my house before I can move on but I am trying very hard to detach emotionally and this thread has given me extra strength.

I had to laugh at the new undies bit :rotfl: I did that a few weeks ago ( I forgot to mention that after I told him it was over I found out he was having an affair but he did get his come uppance there as she turned into a bunny boiler when he ended it )
I went out and bought several sets of really nice underwear that are for my eyes only but oh, do they make me feel good when I wear them!!

I know where I'm going to live and I can't wait to be on my own....well, me and my cat

So just really to say Thank You for helping me and giving me strength :A

Hezzawithkids

tayforth wrote: »

Perhaps. He has let me down before, and she knows that, but she'd find it hard to believe that he'd let us down for my own sister's wedding.

When I tell her that he's got worse next week, to the point where he can't come, she'll either (a) believe me or (b) think that I'm covering up and we've had a massive fall-out. And then she'll be annoyed at both of us, because she'll think that it's incredibly selfish of us to let our problems affect the wedding.

Tay - not sure about this. I know you don't want to take the focus away from your sister on her big day but are you sure that lying to them about the reason he wont be there is a good way to prepare them for the real truth? You may end up spending all day long fending off questions about him and have to spin lie after lie to cover up what really happened.

Don't get me wrong - I'm 100% behind you in everything you've done and I wish you nothing but happiness, but maybe you should just tell your mum the truth and let her find the right time to tell your sister.

tayforth

rockie4 wrote: »

I have just read this whole thread (over 2 days )

I'm in the process of splitting up with my OH of 25 years......25 years of hell in which I've put up with his alcoholism, mental and physical violence, near bankcrupcy and mental health issues....oh, and he hasn't worked much in that time, I've supported him

I think I must have 'MUG' tattooed on my forehead!!
I won't go into details as this thread is about YOU tayforth, so I just wanted to say that you are an inspiration to me:T I have laughed and cried reading your story and the stories that the others have posted.
Sadly, I have to sell my house before I can move on but I am trying very hard to detach emotionally and this thread has given me extra strength.

I had to laugh at the new undies bit :rotfl: I did that a few weeks ago ( I forgot to mention that after I told him it was over I found out he was having an affair but he did get his come uppance there as she turned into a bunny boiler when he ended it )
I went out and bought several sets of really nice underwear that are for my eyes only but oh, do they make me feel good when I wear them!!

I know where I'm going to live and I can't wait to be on my own....well, me and my cat

So just really to say Thank You for helping me and giving me strength :A

Hello, and thanks so much for sharing your story too.

Try not to feel like a 'mug' - I feel the same, but I'm reminding myself that even the most intelligent women can be abused and manipulated by their partners. That's why they're so good at it. I really am starting to believe that my ex has some sort of personality disorder.

I have nothing but respect for anyone who finds the strength to get out of a bad relationship, it's taken me several attempts.

It's really touching that, despite everything, you seem to maintained a sense of humour and I love that you've treated yourself to new underwear too!!

:rotfl: at the bunny boiler comment!

I wish you and your cat all the very best in your new, peaceful home. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Keep posting - I'd love to hear how you get on xxxx

tayforth

Hezzawithkids wrote: »

Tay - not sure about this. I know you don't want to take the focus away from your sister on her big day but are you sure that lying to them about the reason he wont be there is a good way to prepare them for the real truth? You may end up spending all day long fending off questions about him and have to spin lie after lie to cover up what really happened.

Don't get me wrong - I'm 100% behind you in everything you've done and I wish you nothing but happiness, but maybe you should just tell your mum the truth and let her find the right time to tell your sister.

I've been thinking about it, and I think that I will deal with it as follows:

If she accepts my story that he's ill next week, fine.

If she questions it, I'll insist that he's ill and it's a shame that he can't make it, but here's nothing to be done, and let's just focus on the big day and enjoy ourselves.

If she accuses me of lying or covering up for him or if I think that she's so annoyed at me that it'll affect her enjoyment of the wedding, then I will tell her that OH and I are having major problems and he's refused to come, but I didn't want to let on.

Under no circumstances do I want to tell her the actual truth just before my sister's wedding. It would be too upsetting/shocking for her. I'll tell her story above to keep her quiet, then tell the truth after the wedding.

But really, I hope that she just accepts my story, whether she suspects or not.

tayforth

Ugh........