FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

paulineb wrote: »

Also, I dont know if you know the site meet up? I can be too much of a hermit for my own good, but 6 months ago I joined meet up and theres a group of people who go out about once a month, sometimes more usually for a meal, all people who want to kickstart their social life. And theres so many other meet up groups around, fitness, therapies. If you have meet up groups near you, once you feel up to it, Id recommend it for getting you out and about if you think it would do you good.

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Check it out now

http://www.meetup.com/find/

You don't have to go out and join events right now, just sign up (use a dummy profile if you like) tick off some of your interests and see what comes up.

I belong to a lot of meet-up groups, most I have never attended anything, but I have been along to some, and have made a few really good friends. It is a chance to get out and about (walks, bar nights, meals, yoga, and other stuff) on the times when you'd like to go out and do something, but don't have anyone to do something with, for whatever reason.

Even if there is nothing much that takes your fancy, just tick off your interests and they will e-mail you when a new group starts up.

xxx

Just wanted to let you both know that I went on meetup this evening and there's sooo much happening in my area! I'm definitely going to give it a go and sign up for something.

mintymoneysaver

Just wondering if you ever got my pm? Don't worry if you did, and have been too busy enjoying being free! My ex came round last night ( he has this annying habit of 'popping in' to see how the girls are, rather than invite them round to his) He's like a big, dark cloud that appears in my life every now and again, and every time I see him I realise that that was how I must have felt, constantly, when he was here.

I make polite conversation, I even try and be chatty ( like I say, he wasn't abusive like yours, just a miserable life sucking man who didn't really want to be here) but I am so, so glad when he leaves. I think he can see how much happier I am, and is incredibly jealous, because he's not happier. Not at all. His life hasn't got any better ( through his own choices) and he sees me and the girls, happy, moving on and enjoying life without him. So today i need to shake off the negativity that came with him and get back to being me! ( I might wear the new lacy lilac with cream spots! That should do it:rotfl:)

spirit

tayforth wrote: »

I think that I'll grieve more for the 7 wasted years than anything. But I will try not to. Because I can't have them back. And I'm here now and I'll get through it. I don't have any feelings for him at all or any regrets about ending it. .

An alternative way of looking at it is to think that ok you were together 7 years, but boy how much have you learned about yourself and life since then More importantly, you have the best years yet to come now that you have drawn a halt to the past and have everything to look forward to. :beer:

mcja

tayforth wrote: »

The highlighted bit really made me think. In the last few months, I felt as if my feet were heavy, I was walking differently, my voice was lower, I had no confidence and I dreaded coming home.

This evening, I walked around the shops briskly with a spring in my step, head up, shoulders back. It didn't even occur to me at the time to notice, but your post has made me realise the incredible difference in me just since Monday.

Since Monday, can I just point out today's only Friday and you have started to feel so much better already. It's not even been a week.

Xx

hulltiger1969

You are right to hold your head up. you have no reason not to, you have been far nicer than he deserves.

I am still the same with my ex but I have a son so I have to be, The funny thing is, His family call me all the names under the sun and tell everyone how awfull I am, to be fair he probably does not tell them all the help I give him and he does tell them off as he recently admitted I am his rock!!!! never said that in 18 years lol, But his family can call me all they like because I dont have to see or talk to them and that suits me fine, Also a couple of months ago my son realised the way they treat me and now wants nothing to do with them, so they lost their grandson, sad but it's what they deserve. He might decide to see them in the future and I wouldn't stop him but I got admit I am rather pleased he stuck up for mum.

Pixiechic

When I see posts like yours, I realise that many women have had an experience with an abusive male at some point in our lives. I don't look back at my relationship with regret now, I see it as a learning experience and I learnt a lot!

The point is that you made a decision to split from him and that decision and action will change your whole life, for the better. Many dont make the decision, and don't act. Making a decision and acting on it is always better and less regrettable than making no decision at all. We regret much of what we don't do rather than what we do do.

Be proud of yourself, you have proven your self to be a strong, kind and caring person. You deserve better and you will get better! Try not to look back with sadness and regret but look to your exciting future and all the fun and new possibilities

It will get easier, especially after the wedding when you will have the support of your family when they become aware. I think that they will be very proud with how you have dealt with it all.

All the best

tayforth

Good morning!

I had a fitful sleep last night - my head is so full of thoughts and plans at the minute, it's going at 100mph! I can't complain, because they're mostly positive, but I'm looking forward to a decent sleep tonight lol.

I'm wearing one of my new bras, and it does make such a difference to the way I look!

How is everyone?

mintymoneysaver wrote: »

Just wondering if you ever got my pm? Don't worry if you did, and have been too busy enjoying being free! My ex came round last night ( he has this annying habit of 'popping in' to see how the girls are, rather than invite them round to his) He's like a big, dark cloud that appears in my life every now and again, and every time I see him I realise that that was how I must have felt, constantly, when he was here.

I make polite conversation, I even try and be chatty ( like I say, he wasn't abusive like yours, just a miserable life sucking man who didn't really want to be here) but I am so, so glad when he leaves. I think he can see how much happier I am, and is incredibly jealous, because he's not happier. Not at all. His life hasn't got any better ( through his own choices) and he sees me and the girls, happy, moving on and enjoying life without him. So today i need to shake off the negativity that came with him and get back to being me! ( I might wear the new lacy lilac with cream spots! That should do it:rotfl:)

I didn't get a PM, definitely would have replied! My inbox has been full on and off the last few days I've deleted a couple so try again if you like, will also PM you my email address if you like xx

As for your ex, I'm sure that you must feel so satisfied and happy that you've moved on with your life and that he can see that. Happiness is the best revenge and all that

spirit wrote: »

An alternative way of looking at it is to think that ok you were together 7 years, but boy how much have you learned about yourself and life since then More importantly, you have the best years yet to come now that you have drawn a halt to the past and have everything to look forward to. :beer:

Thanks. I suppose that's true. And yes, better late than never.

mcja wrote: »

Since Monday, can I just point out today's only Friday and you have started to feel so much better already. It's not even been a week.

Xx

That's true! I think that this week has felt like a month, so much has happened and I've been through so many emotions. Thanks for the reminder xx

tayforth

hulltiger1969 wrote: »

You are right to hold your head up. you have no reason not to, you have been far nicer than he deserves.

I am still the same with my ex but I have a son so I have to be, The funny thing is, His family call me all the names under the sun and tell everyone how awfull I am, to be fair he probably does not tell them all the help I give him and he does tell them off as he recently admitted I am his rock!!!! never said that in 18 years lol, But his family can call me all they like because I dont have to see or talk to them and that suits me fine, Also a couple of months ago my son realised the way they treat me and now wants nothing to do with them, so they lost their grandson, sad but it's what they deserve. He might decide to see them in the future and I wouldn't stop him but I got admit I am rather pleased he stuck up for mum.

Good for your son! That's great, he is maturing and seeing them for what they are. You must be so proud xx

As for ex-MIL (what a lovely thought lol), she can say whatever she wants about me. She doesn't have any friends so she'll be saying it to the wall! She is quite negative and self-centred, and has never shown much warmth towards me and her other DIL (who is soooo lovely). I won't miss her one little bit.

Pixiechic wrote: »

When I see posts like yours, I realise that many women have had an experience with an abusive male at some point in our lives. I don't look back at my relationship with regret now, I see it as a learning experience and I learnt a lot!

The point is that you made a decision to split from him and that decision and action will change your whole life, for the better. Many dont make the decision, and don't act. Making a decision and acting on it is always better and less regrettable than making no decision at all. We regret much of what we don't do rather than what we do do.

Be proud of yourself, you have proven your self to be a strong, kind and caring person. You deserve better and you will get better! Try not to look back with sadness and regret but look to your exciting future and all the fun and new possibilities

It will get easier, especially after the wedding when you will have the support of your family when they become aware. I think that they will be very proud with how you have dealt with it all.

All the best

Thank you so much. Your post has made me feel rather excited. My life is no longer on a set trajectory, anything could happen. And it's all up to me! I love that idea.

I can't wait to tell my family, it seems like forever to wait but I'll get there.

Pixiechic

don't be too quick to rule out Sam .

tayforth

Pixiechic wrote: »

Also, from my own experience, which i wont go into on here but don't be too quick to rule out Sam .

Oh, you've got me intrigued now PM me if you want to tell!

As for Sam, I won't rule him out, I don't think that I could even if I wanted to. I won't lie, I do hope that we will eventually get together, but I am realistic enough to know that (a) it might not happen and (b) I'm responsible for my own happiness.