FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

Just phoned my mum to tell her that OH has a bad cold, and she interrupted and said, "So he won't be coming this weekend?" And I said that we'd see, but that maybe he shouldn't, he might give it to everyone at the party tomorrow night.

She replied, "He gets a lot of colds, doesn't he?" This is not like her, she sounded pretty annoyed. Now I'm wondering if she suspects that (a) something is up between us or (b) we've had an argument and he's selfishly decided not to come.

Oh God

Kayalana99

tayforth wrote: »

Just phoned my mum to tell her that OH has a bad cold, and she interrupted and said, "So he won't be coming this weekend?" And I said that we'd see, but that maybe he shouldn't, he might give it to everyone at the party tomorrow night.

She replied, "He gets a lot of colds, doesn't he?" This is not like her, she sounded pretty annoyed. Now I'm wondering if she suspects that (a) something is up between us or (b) we've had an argument and he's selfishly decided not to come.

Oh God

Probally just thinks he doesn't want to go so is making excuses...sounds like she doesn't like him as much as you thought tbh!

Daisy is probally 100% right as well..so much planning goes into a wedding!!!

You'll be fine anyway xx

zzzLazyDaisy

tayforth wrote: »

Just phoned my mum to tell her that OH has a bad cold, and she interrupted and said, "So he won't be coming this weekend?" And I said that we'd see, but that maybe he shouldn't, he might give it to everyone at the party tomorrow night.

She replied, "He gets a lot of colds, doesn't he?" This is not like her, she sounded pretty annoyed. Now I'm wondering if she suspects that (a) something is up between us or (b) we've had an argument and he's selfishly decided not to come.

Oh God

Is it possible that her annoyance is less to do with concerns about your relationship and more to do with his not attending affecting the wedding arrangements?

For example, could she be stressing about the uncertainty this creates for the table settings at the reception? If he doesn't go but they don't know till the day, there will be a gap where he should be sitting, whereas if they know in advance they can re-arrange the place settings. Also, it means a meal will have to be paid for and prepared, and maybe they would invite someone else if they know ahead of time that the place will not be taken? Or maybe she is upset that he will be missing from the photographs?

It seems to me that people get upset over all sorts of things where weddings are concerned.... just a thought x

Pixiechic

I agree, sound like she's might be thinking that he could at least make the effort for such a big day.

Maybe the cold excuse has been used before! In a way, her having a little doubt about your relationship might be a good thing, less of a shock when you do tell her!

At least you can go without worrying about him now though.

Have a fab time

JohnnyJet

I'm really impressed with you following through your plan, well done.

My sister went through a similar thing several years ago where the BF was selfish and very controlling. She was with him for over 7 years and only worked for about 2 month in that time. He was lazy and was using her for her money and a place to live. I told her what I thought of him but she just clung on to the few time that he was actually nice to her. It got really bad and he started to hit her, so I went round and told him to leave, which he did but after a period of time he worked his way back in. They were together for a further year until she eventually saw him for what he was and left him. There was nothing I could have said to her to get her to leave him, she had to work it out for herself. She is now happily married to a much nicer man who thinks the world of her.
Your relief that it is over speaks volumes about what your relationship was like and although I don't know you, I am pleased for you at how it is working out so far and well done for not caving in.

tayforth

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Probally just thinks he doesn't want to go so is making excuses...sounds like she doesn't like him as much as you thought tbh!

Maybe. Well, I'll let her think that, might be easier for now xx

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Is it possible that her annoyance is less to do with concerns about your relationship and what she may view as his not attending affecting the wedding arrangements?

For example, could she be stressing about the uncertainty this creates for the table settings at the reception? If he doesn't go but they don't know till the day, there will be a gap where he should be sitting, whereas if they know in advance they can re-arrange the place settings. Also, it means a meal will have to be paid for and prepared, and maybe they would invite someone else if they know ahead of time that the place will not be taken? Or maybe she is upset that he will be missing from the photographs?

It seems to me that people get upset over all sorts of things where weddings are concerned.... just a thought x

That could be it. Anyway, hopefully the wedding excitement will overtake her and my sister, and they'll just put it to one side and get on with things.

I'll be telling them early next week that he's got worse. They don't have to give final numbers until 2 days in advance (i.e. Thursday), so I definitely won't have them paying for his meal when he won't be there.

I'll phone my sister on the quiet, maybe on Monday, and tell her that he's unlikely to be well enough to go (so that they can rejig the table plan if needs be) and let them know for definite by Wednesday that he's too ill to go.

This is hard...

gazzak_2

OK, this is now starting to turn into a man hating thread. Guess what ladies, WE'RE NOT ALL LIKE THIS.

flutterby_lil

Tayforth, I am going to a wedding this weekend and curious to know if its the same one, what part of the world is it in? (Ido realise lots of people get married lol but just being nosy).

Hope you are ok, you sound so happy and relieved. The comment about the new bra making you look different made me laugh

flutterby_lil

gazzak wrote: »

OK, this is now starting to turn into a man hating thread. Guess what ladies, WE'RE NOT ALL LIKE THIS.

No I agree, both my exes were the same BUT I have a fab man now who I love with all my heart

tayforth

Pixiechic wrote: »

I agree, sound like she's might be thinking that he could at least make the effort for such a big day.

Maybe the cold excuse has been used before! In a way, her having a little doubt about your relationship might be a good thing, less of a shock when you do tell her!

At least you can go without worrying about him now though.

Have a fab time

Perhaps. He has let me down before, and she knows that, but she'd find it hard to believe that he'd let us down for my own sister's wedding.

When I tell her that he's got worse next week, to the point where he can't come, she'll either (a) believe me or (b) think that I'm covering up and we've had a massive fall-out. And then she'll be annoyed at both of us, because she'll think that it's incredibly selfish of us to let our problems affect the wedding.

JohnnyJet wrote: »

I'm really impressed with you following through your plan, well done.

My sister went through a similar thing several years ago where the BF was selfish and very controlling. She was with him for over 7 years and only worked for about 2 month in that time. He was lazy and was using her for her money and a place to live. I told her what I thought of him but she just clung on to the few time that he was actually nice to her. It got really bad and he started to hit her, so I went round and told him to leave, which he did but after a period of time he worked his way back in. They were together for a further year until she eventually saw him for what he was and left him. There was nothing I could have said to her to get her to leave him, she had to work it out for herself. She is now happily married to a much nicer man who thinks the world of her.
Your relief that it is over speaks volumes about what your relationship was like and although I don't know you, I am pleased for you at how it is working out so far and well done for not caving in.

Thank you. It is very, very difficult now that I'm having to actually do it, but I will carry on and hopefully it will work.

And yes, I'm shocked at how relieved I am.