FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

paulineb_2

I think sometimes the worse the relationship is, the more we grieve for it. Ive had relationships that werent that good, but werent that bad and I dont give the person the second thought. But the ones that were awful, took so much getting over, mainly because theres always the feeling of, why did I stay so long with someone who was treating me like crap.

My god, I stayed so long with my last ex. I didnt love him, he and his insults killed all of that. And also the thing about not wanting to sleep with someone, that was me as well. I just resented him so much for the way he was treating me I couldnt.

Ive done angry, Ive done resentment. I didnt really like who I was when I was with him, everything was negative. I was sad, I was angry, I was resentful.

I got to the stage where I couldnt stand the sight of him. And you know I was telling one of my friends how awful he was, this was 4 years after the split and I got an email, how are you?

My ex was a techno phobe. He didnt do mobiles, he didnt do emails.
And even though it was rubbish, a part of me could have thought, lets meet up for a drink and see how it goes.

But I very politely told him to shove off. And Im glad I did. And I absolutely dont miss my last ex and I never have. Ive just been happy at the fact that I got the courage up to tell him to sod off.

mintymoneysaver

You're doing so well. I've been out today and bought some new undies too. Makes you feel good, doesn't it! No one will see them but I know they look good!

duckeggblue

Women who end up in abusive relationships-are we too polite, too nice or scared of offending.

I wish there was a " get normal get real programme" but I don't want to get tough but I need to

Ps yes nice underwear, nice makeup like mac and benefit, and pampering, that's what we need , cos women like us put ourselves last-why'd we do that:o

duckeggblue

Girls lunches that's good too

Person_one

I can almost hear the relief in your 'voice'! Keep enjoying yourself, watching the DVDs he hated is a good one, with a tub of Ben and Jerry's because you can afford the calories after losing 8lbs!

tayforth

paulineb wrote: »

I think sometimes the worse the relationship is, the more we grieve for it. Ive had relationships that werent that good, but werent that bad and I dont give the person the second thought. But the ones that were awful, took so much getting over, mainly because theres always the feeling of, why did I stay so long with someone who was treating me like crap.

My god, I stayed so long with my last ex. I didnt love him, he and his insults killed all of that. And also the thing about not wanting to sleep with someone, that was me as well. I just resented him so much for the way he was treating me I couldnt.

Ive done angry, Ive done resentment. I didnt really like who I was when I was with him, everything was negative. I was sad, I was angry, I was resentful.

I got to the stage where I couldnt stand the sight of him. And you know I was telling one of my friends how awful he was, this was 4 years after the split and I got an email, how are you?

My ex was a techno phobe. He didnt do mobiles, he didnt do emails.
And even though it was rubbish, a part of me could have thought, lets meet up for a drink and see how it goes.

But I very politely told him to shove off. And Im glad I did. And I absolutely dont miss my last ex and I never have. Ive just been happy at the fact that I got the courage up to tell him to sod off.

I think that I'll grieve more for the 7 wasted years than anything. But I will try not to. Because I can't have them back. And I'm here now and I'll get through it. I don't have any feelings for him at all or any regrets about ending it. For which I'm very grateful.

mintymoneysaver wrote: »

You're doing so well. I've been out today and bought some new undies too. Makes you feel good, doesn't it! No one will see them but I know they look good!

Yes, exactly. I bought mostly black, white and nude bras as usual, but also bought a red one! It's very retro-looking and pretty. First red bra I've ever owned!

duckeggblue wrote: »

Women who end up in abusive relationships-are we too polite, too nice or scared of offending.

I wish there was a " get normal get real programme" but I don't want to get tough but I need to

Ps yes nice underwear, nice makeup like mac and benefit, and pampering, that's what we need , cos women like us put ourselves last-why'd we do that:o

You're right. Even now, I'm being more civil to him than he deserves, but that's so that I can hold my head high and say that, even when I discovered what he was and what he'd been doing, I managed not to lower myself to his level.

tayforth

Person_one wrote: »

I can almost hear the relief in your 'voice'! Keep enjoying yourself, watching the DVDs he hated is a good one, with a tub of Ben and Jerry's because you can afford the calories after losing 8lbs!

LOL. Do you know, I can't stand ice cream! But I do like toffee popcorn And what a fab idea, I'll be sure to get out my SATC box set that hasn't seen the light of day in ages.

As for relief - yes. That's my word of the day.

paye

tayforth wrote: »

LOL. Do you know, I can't stand ice cream! But I do like toffee popcorn And what a fab idea, I'll be sure to get out my SATC box set that hasn't seen the light of day in ages.

As for relief - yes. That's my word of the day.

mmmmmm butterkist toffee popcorn

paulineb_2

I firmly believe that no experience is wasted if you learn something from it.

Also, there is nothing wrong with being decent to someone who doesnt really deserve it. Its not about the moral high ground, its about if you are a decent person yourself you wont treat someone else like rubbish.

I think personally, speaking about me, I hung onto a lot of stuff way too long. Even when I left. I remember doing my exercise to music course and believe me, there were other people on the course who got it and I struggled, big time. And I remember talking to my tutor and she was saying get your shoulders back, head up. And for a long time due to relationship stuff and work stuff, my heart was in my boots and that took a long time of getting over and sometimes you really need to dig deep to find that self worth. I passed that exam first time, never thought I would.

But I always need to remind myself I have a mum and a brother who think I am great, even in my worst moments.

I have a big mouth, I can stand up for myself and that took a long time due to really horrible jobs where I was treated like something off someones shoe

But I am soft hearted and in some ways that has been my downfall, but you know what? I would still rather be me and care a bit too much about people than be obnoxious, thats the bottom line.

Theres nothing wrong with being pleasant to your ex. It speaks volumes about you, remember that. Because at one point, he loved you and you loved him and even though its over, if you can get out of it with your spirit and your dignity intact thats all that matters.

You need to be kind to yourself and do whats best for you.

tayforth

pinkshoes wrote: »

EDIT: When I told my parents we'd split up, their reaction was "but he was SO nice...". He was an absolute charmer in public, and played the ideal man role, but totally different behind closed doors. My parents reaction was hard to take, but they understand why I left him now!

Just saw your edit. I'm not sure how my mum will take it - I think that she'll be genuinely shocked, but I hope that she'll understand and back me up. It'll pain her as she still sees us as her little girls and hates us getting hurt, but I'll stress how much happier I am now and that it's the best decision.

paulineb wrote: »

I firmly believe that no experience is wasted if you learn something from it.

Also, there is nothing wrong with being decent to someone who doesnt really deserve it. Its not about the moral high ground, its about if you are a decent person yourself you wont treat someone else like rubbish.

I think personally, speaking about me, I hung onto a lot of stuff way too long. Even when I left. I remember doing my exercise to music course and believe me, there were other people on the course who got it and I struggled, big time. And I remember talking to my tutor and she was saying get your shoulders back, head up. And for a long time due to relationship stuff and work stuff, my heart was in my boots and that took a long time of getting over and sometimes you really need to dig deep to find that self worth. I passed that exam first time, never thought I would.

But I always need to remind myself I have a mum and a brother who think I am great, even in my worst moments.

I have a big mouth, I can stand up for myself and that took a long time due to really horrible jobs where I was treated like something off someones shoe

But I am soft hearted and in some ways that has been my downfall, but you know what? I would still rather be me and care a bit too much about people than be obnoxious, thats the bottom line.

Theres nothing wrong with being pleasant to your ex. It speaks volumes about you, remember that. Because at one point, he loved you and you loved him and even though its over, if you can get out of it with your spirit and your dignity intact thats all that matters.

You need to be kind to yourself and do whats best for you.

The highlighted bit really made me think. In the last few months, I felt as if my feet were heavy, I was walking differently, my voice was lower, I had no confidence and I dreaded coming home.

This evening, I walked around the shops briskly with a spring in my step, head up, shoulders back. It didn't even occur to me at the time to notice, but your post has made me realise the incredible difference in me just since Monday.

I'm just being dignified with my ex for my own sake, not because of what we shared, because TBH it's all tainted for me now.

And your mum is always your mum. I love mine too. :A