FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

Alpha58

tayforth wrote: »

I hadn't thought of that either.
I'll start recording it all now. And I'll try to record back as far as Monday while it's fresh in my mind. This isn't my style at all, I feel awful. I hope that I never have to use it.

Don't feel bad about it - look at this as a process in aiding memory. If you need to be able to state with conviction what was said on, say, 20 April 2013 and you are being asked on 1 November 2015, you will be able to refer back to your contemporaneous notes (I love that word!) and say truthfully that you said "x" and he replied "y" and so on. A pre-numbered book is useful as you can demonstrate that no pages have been removed or added.

The other bonus of this (just occurred to me but as I said, I'm a man and a little slow like that) would be that when the whole saga is over, you can symbolically burn the book to signify that it is a part of your life that is closed and dealt with. Perhaps a bit pagan but there you go!

And here's a good quote for you: "There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity." (Washington Irving).

tayforth

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Hire a car for the weekend!

Get a lovely luxury one as a treat for those three days - it's really not that expensive (maybe a convertible? have a zoom round with the top down?)

HBS x

LOL. What a fab idea. I would love to do that, but gotta start watching the pennies with 2x the bills to pay!

I'll just use our car - it'll arouse less suspicion with my family, and I've paid for half of it, so I may as well get my last bit of money's worth out of it.

Alpha58 wrote: »

Don't feel bad about it - look at this as a process in aiding memory. If you need to be able to state with conviction what was said on, say, 20 April 2013 and you are being asked on 1 November 2015, you will be able to refer back to your contemporaneous notes (I love that word!) and say truthfully that you said "x" and he replied "y" and so on. A pre-numbered book is useful as you can demonstrate that no pages have been removed or added.

The other bonus of this (just occurred to me but as I said, I'm a man and a little slow like that) would be that when the whole saga is over, you can symbolically burn the book to signify that it is a part of your life that is closed and dealt with. Perhaps a bit pagan but there you go!

And here's a good quote for you: "There is in every true woman's heart a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity." (Washington Irving).

OK. I'll do it. I'm doing today's conversations as we speak (might have to trawl through this thread to help with the rest lol). Maybe I'll email myself an update each time, so there's a trail of evidence.

And what an amazing quote. I absolutely love it

heartbreak_star

Ah fair enough. Do make sure you treat yourself a bit when you get the chance though - you deserve it even hot bubble baths feel like a treat (read one of the books in there and drop it in when you've finished it hahahah!!)

HBS x

trevorsminted

Tayforth - Did you mention to ex that you were on MoneyExpert?

And yes his last bit of control over the situation getting you to cry thats what sociopaths get off on it makes them feel powerful when really they are just incredibly sad anyway look on the bright side he got that one for free because its most likely the last time you will shed a tear. He may also be double bluffing you, ie playing the "I know its all my fault" card but you seem level headed with your wits about you so good luck you are at the final furlong!

tayforth

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Ah fair enough. Do make sure you treat yourself a bit when you get the chance though - you deserve it even hot bubble baths feel like a treat (read one of the books in there and drop it in when you've finished it hahahah!!)

HBS x

I promise to treat myself. Even a bath and a bit of peace and quiet is a treat for me after what I've been through

In fact, I'm going to buy some new underwear after work this very evening. I fancy a new matching set for my sister's wedding. With all the stress and upset, I've lost 8lbs in the last few weeks - not the best way to do it, but at least I'll be slimmer after all this! Silver linings and all that.

I've also promised myself a MAC lipstick, I had a fab one and it's run out. So I'm getting a new one.
:A

heartbreak_star

tayforth wrote: »

I promise to treat myself. Even a bath and a bit of peace and quiet is a treat for me after what I've been through

In fact, I'm going to buy some new underwear after work this very evening. I fancy a new matching set for my sister's wedding. With all the stress and upset, I've lost 8lbs in the last few weeks - not the best way to do it, but at least I'll be slimmer after all this! Silver linings and all that.

I've also promised myself a MAC lipstick, I had a fab one and it's run out. So I'm getting a new one.
:A

Good lass. Lots of hugs

HBS x

tayforth

trevorsminted wrote: »

Tayforth - Did you mention to ex that you were on MoneyExpert?

And yes his last bit of control over the situation getting you to cry thats what sociopaths get off on it makes them feel powerful when really they are just incredibly sad anyway look on the bright side he got that one for free because its most likely the last time you will shed a tear. He may also be double bluffing you, ie playing the "I know its all my fault" card but you seem level headed with your wits about you so good luck you are at the final furlong!

No, he doesn't know that I'm on MSE and I don't think that he would ever be on a forum, especially about relationships.

And you're right. I see him for exactly what he is, and he can't hurt me now. I don't know what he's thinking and I don't care.

pinkshoes

Ohps, just read this whole thread instead of planning tomorrow's biology lesson!

Just wanted to say well done for walking away - it's not always an easy thing to do.

I was with my ex for 5 years, and he was very controlling and manipulative. He would sulk and be difficult when I went out with friends, would check up on me to see if I was where I'd said I'd be, and in the end, I ended up just not going out, and lost most my friends. Sometimes, when he was in a mood, he'd tell me he didn't know how he felt about me any more. Stupidly, I went into "win him back" mode....

I did leave him eventually. He told me he wasn't sure how he felt any more AGAIN, so I said OK, if you can't make up your mind after 5 years, I guess it's over, and ended it! Best thing I ever did!

It was scary being 29.5 years old, childless and single again, but 4 years on, I met someone else, we have a 2 year old, and I am very happy.

The end

EDIT: When I told my parents we'd split up, their reaction was "but he was SO nice...". He was an absolute charmer in public, and played the ideal man role, but totally different behind closed doors. My parents reaction was hard to take, but they understand why I left him now!

tayforth

pinkshoes wrote: »

Ohps, just read this whole thread instead of planning tomorrow's biology lesson!

Just wanted to say well done for walking away - it's not always an easy thing to do.

I was with my ex for 5 years, and he was very controlling and manipulative. He would sulk and be difficult when I went out with friends, would check up on me to see if I was where I'd said I'd be, and in the end, I ended up just not going out, and lost most my friends. Sometimes, when he was in a mood, he'd tell me he didn't know how he felt about me any more. Stupidly, I went into "win him back" mode....

I did leave him eventually. He told me he wasn't sure how he felt any more AGAIN, so I said OK, if you can't make up your mind after 5 years, I guess it's over, and ended it! Best thing I ever did!

It was scary being 29.5 years old, childless and single again, but 4 years on, I met someone else, we have a 2 year old, and I am very happy.

The end

Try being in the same situation but 35 - if I could be 29 again I would But I don't care, I'm free and I'm SO relieved.

Your story sounds like mine, emotional manipulation is awful, and when coupled with abuse it can make you distrust your own feelings and thoughts.

I'm so glad that you came through it and are happy xxx

bagpussbear

tayforth wrote: »

I promise to treat myself. Even a bath and a bit of peace and quiet is a treat for me after what I've been through

In fact, I'm going to buy some new underwear after work this very evening. I fancy a new matching set for my sister's wedding. With all the stress and upset, I've lost 8lbs in the last few weeks - not the best way to do it, but at least I'll be slimmer after all this! Silver linings and all that.

I've also promised myself a MAC lipstick, I had a fab one and it's run out. So I'm getting a new one.
:A

Good on you for treating yourself! Ooh I love MAC stuff, particularly their eyeshadows which are the best in my opinion, do try one if you can. Have some fun