FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

Yeah most do a free half hour phone call. I understand totally what you mean about the bedroom not quite being yours yet. When me and my ex split up I couldn't stay at home for like a week so I went to my Mum's.

This next couple of weeks will be the toughest, but once you get past those it WILL get better day by day, trust me. You have done entirely the right thing, and eventually your old, sh*tty life will fade more and more in to the past and your new, better, improved life will take over. You'll get the happiness you deserve!!

Thanks. I've got a number and will make a call on my lunch break. I'm really hoping for an annulment rather than a divorce. Can't go into the reasons on here.

And I really appreciate your good wishes. I know that things will be hard, but I have faith that they'll eventually improve.

nerak_y wrote: »

Good Morning!
I never got billed for my first appointment, albeit a year ago. I am in Scotland, not sure if it is nationwide though. Good luck with it! xx

Thanks. This firm offers a free half hour appointment, they're quite close to work as well. So either by phone or in person is fine by me.

Orlando_Virgin

JanCee

tayforth wrote: »

Thank you I know, I do just want his stuff out. And he's paid his share of the rent for April, and he agreed to leave even though his name is on the lease, so I feel that I should be fair. It'll make me feel better if I treat him as fairly as I can, then I can hold my head high.

This is absolutely spot on. He is entitled to come & go as he wants because he has paid rent. I know people mean well when they give advice about changing the locks and giving ultimatums but you have to keep within the law even though you want him out of your day to day life asap. You are being fair and I think in the long run it will work in your favour.

paulineb_2

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Take everything that is important to you to work with you. I am not saying he WILL have a root around, but he might. Personally I wouldn't let him go into your home on his own, but I can see why you'd want it all over and done with.

Big hugs, you are one step nearer to getting this man out of your life.

xxx

I think it would be a bit ridiculous to be having a root around given that they've lived together in the flat for some time.

As has already been said, its still technically his home as well, hes agreed to leave even though the name is on the lease.

Yes his behaviour has been poor but by the sounds of things, hes accepted responsibility for the issues that led to the split, hes telling friends about it without being negative.

So I dont think allowing someone back into their home to collect their things should be a massive big deal, if hes been adult enough to leave quietly he should be adult enough to let himself in, get his stuff and leave.

tayforth

He's just texted to say that he couldn't get the day off today. So he won't be round and his stuff won't be gone this evening. I'm not going to let it bother me either way.

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

Thank you, that has cheered me up And I promise that I will.

JanCee wrote: »

This is absolutely spot on. He is entitled to come & go as he wants because he has paid rent. I know people mean well when they give advice about changing the locks and giving ultimatums but you have to keep within the law even though you want him out of your day to day life asap. You are being fair and I think in the long run it will work in your favour.

Thank you. And you're right. I don't expect that he'll get me into trouble for asking him to leave (I didn't force him out), but it doesn't hurt to make sure that I don't give him any grounds for complaint. Obviously, he had to leave suddenly and he has nowhere else to live yet. So I can be patient a little longer.

tayforth

paulineb wrote: »

I think it would be a bit ridiculous to be having a root around given that they've lived together in the flat for some time.

As has already been said, its still technically his home as well, hes agreed to leave even though the name is on the lease.

Yes his behaviour has been poor but by the sounds of things, hes accepted responsibility for the issues that led to the split, hes telling friends about it without being negative.

So I dont think allowing someone back into their home to collect their things should be a massive big deal, if hes been adult enough to leave quietly he should be adult enough to let himself in, get his stuff and leave.

This is all true. And, apart from hiding my passport and a few other important bits, I didn't take anything to work (not that he's coming today after all, but still). I am just going to have to trust him and not be paranoid. If I come home some evening and the house is turned upside down, I'll deal with it. But I don't want to worry about it unnecessarily.

Orlando_Virgin

tayforth wrote: »

Thank you, that has cheered me up And I promise that I will.

You best had because I have a unique set of skills, and I will find you...:money:

zzzLazyDaisy

Please be aware that in a joint tenancy, one joint tenant cannot have the other removed from the lease without their agreement. Also as long as his name remains on the tenancy, legally he is entitled to come and go as he pleases, regardless of whether he is paying rent or not. On the other hand one joint tenant (regardless of whether they are actually living there or not) can give notice to end the tenancy, provided they act within the terms of the contract, of course. So at some point, you need to deal with this, and get the tenancy transferred into your sole name. I am not saying he will cause you problems if his name remains on the tenancy agreement, but for the sake of moving on, it is best to put this on the list of things to sort out.

Re annulments - I am not a specialist divorce lawyer, although I do have some experience in this area. As far as I am aware, the only way you can legally end the marriage by annulment is if it was never consummated (ie you never had sex with him since you made your vows). If you want an annulment for religious reasons, you can explore this with your church, but a religious annulment doesn't legally end the marriage. If you wish to go down that route, and not get divorced, you should consider getting a separation agreement drawn up. The solicitor will advise you about this.

Re the 'free half hour' - there is no requirement or obligation on solicitors to do this - it is a hang-on from the days when legal aid, and legal advice and assistance was available, and many solicitors continued to do this after legal aid became more and more difficult to get. Some will now only give you a free telephone consultation, some not even that, so the best way is to ask around. With most things, cheapest is not always best, so if you know people who have been through a marriage breakdown, ask them about their experience with the solicitor.

xxx

Kayalana99

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Please be aware that in a joint tenancy, one joint tenant cannot have the other removed from the lease without their agreement. Also as long as his name remains on the tenancy, legally he is entitled to come and go as he pleases, regardless of whether he is paying rent or not. On the other hand one joint tenant (regardless of whether they are actually living there or not) can give notice to end the tenancy, provided they act within the terms of the contract, of course. So at some point, you need to deal with this, and get the tenancy transferred into your sole name. I am not saying he will cause you problems if his name remains on the tenancy agreement, but for the sake of moving on, it is best to put this on the list of things to sort out.


xxx

Re: Tenacy is a rolling one and LL has already agreed to end it and get her to sign a new one in her name, as long as he goes willingily now it should all be straight forward.

tayforth

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Please be aware that in a joint tenancy, one joint tenant cannot have the other removed from the lease without their agreement. Also as long as his name remains on the tenancy, legally he is entitled to come and go as he pleases, regardless of whether he is paying rent or not. On the other hand one joint tenant (regardless of whether they are actually living there or not) can give notice to end the tenancy, provided they act within the terms of the contract, of course. So at some point, you need to deal with this, and get the tenancy transferred into your sole name. I am not saying he will cause you problems if his name remains on the tenancy agreement, but for the sake of moving on, it is best to put this on the list of things to sort out.

Re annulments - I am not a specialist divorce lawyer, although I do have some experience in this area. As far as I am aware, the only way you can legally end the marriage by annulment is if it was never consummated (ie you never had sex with him since you made your vows). If you want an annulment for religious reasons, you can explore this with your church, but a religious annulment doesn't legally end the marriage. If you wish to go down that route, and not get divorced, you should consider getting a separation agreement drawn up. The solicitor will advise you about this.

Re the 'free half hour' - there is no requirement or obligation on solicitors to do this - it is a hang-on from the days when legal aid, and legal advice and assistance was available, and many solicitors continued to do this after legal aid became more and more difficult to get. Some will now only give you a free telephone consultation, some not even that, so the best way is to ask around. With most things, cheapest is not always best, so if you know people who have been through a marriage breakdown, ask them about their experience with the solicitor.

xxx

I've phoned Citizens' Advice, who recommended a solicitor, apparently she does give free introductory advice. I've phoned and left a message for her to call me back.

I don't want to go into specifics, but I do think that we have grounds for annulment, and my ex has said that he's happy to go down that route. So fingers crossed.

If we can't get it annulled, we'll divorce. Either way, I want it done as quickly and simply and civilly as possible.

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Re: Tenacy is a rolling one and LL has already agreed to end it and get her to sign a new one in her name, as long as he goes willingily now it should all be straight forward.

I imagine that he will be ok about it; as long as his name remains on the lease, he is liable for the whole rent if I do a moonlight flit. Plus, he'll be paying rent on his new place.