FINALLY DONE IT: Tayforth's new beginning

tayforth

paulineb wrote: »

Well you could always look at doing something part time. Or even just a bit of study, look at local college prospectuses, a lot of courses are on Saturday mornings.

Inspirational? Thank you, thats a very kind thing to say. Was absolute chance that someone said to me go and do the course and I did it and also a really chance advert for instructors that I took up but Im now out on my own in the community and local parks as well.
And I get a lot of satisfaction from what I do, but as I said above I had no one nagging in my ear telling me what a rubbish idea it would be.

Sometimes you just fall into things. My brother did his gym level 2 after I did my ETM (exercise to music) and hes now a PT, hes younger than me, 34. But I would never thought of him doing that as well even though hes always been sporty (unlike me, I only took up exercise seriously in my late 20s).

But even if its just something you want to do for you, flower arranging, cake decorating, Indian Head Massage, anything, theres always something that can spark an interest and you can do some courses in a day, theres so much out there. I know loads of people who work full time and have a hobby outside of that, one girl I know sells bag charms and other arty stuff. Ive done courses in reiki and other similar things and I only do it for friends and dont charge people, but sometimes when you hit a low patch, its good to go and do something totally different from your day job. You meet new people, its good for the soul I think.

You dont need to do a big career change and do something for less money if its important to be settled. The job I left (working for charities), I loved the job but there were so many low points and the pay was never that great anyway and I do have moments where I think, I really miss it. But I dont miss it enough to go back to it.

Just a thought that there could be some college evening courses or saturday courses you might want to do.

Also, I dont know if you know the site meet up? I can be too much of a hermit for my own good, but 6 months ago I joined meet up and theres a group of people who go out about once a month, sometimes more usually for a meal, all people who want to kickstart their social life. And theres so many other meet up groups around, fitness, therapies. If you have meet up groups near you, once you feel up to it, Id recommend it for getting you out and about if you think it would do you good.

Never heard of it. Thank you, I'll check it out sometime.

Thanks for the tips. I'm quite sporty myself, or I used to be before he started monopolising my time.

And yes, you are inspirational. You should give motivational talks for women who've come out of bad relationships!

Just need to get the next couple of weeks and my sister's wedding out of the way before I think of anything else. It's going to be very hard and I will hate lying to them, but I'll manage. And I can't wait to see her on her wedding day, happy and radiant. It'll be a really special occasion for us all xx

aileth

Are you going to let your family know pre-wedding? Might be a bit awkward with, "Where is (ex) husband?" "Funny story..."

tayforth

aileth wrote: »

Are you going to let your family know pre-wedding? Might be a bit awkward with, "Where is (ex) husband?" "Funny story..."

No chance, unfortunately. I'll be keeping it from them so that they don't get upset or worried xx

zzzLazyDaisy

Check it out now

http://www.meetup.com/find/

You don't have to go out and join events right now, just sign up (use a dummy profile if you like) tick off some of your interests and see what comes up.

I belong to a lot of meet-up groups, most I have never attended anything, but I have been along to some, and have made a few really good friends. It is a chance to get out and about (walks, bar nights, meals, yoga, and other stuff) on the times when you'd like to go out and do something, but don't have anyone to do something with, for whatever reason.

Even if there is nothing much that takes your fancy, just tick off your interests and they will e-mail you when a new group starts up.

xxx

Mojisola

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Please remember, in the immediate aftermath of leaving, he may try to win you back OR try to punish you (or both).

Examples of this may vary from cutting you dead and saying bad things about you, to apologising and professing his love for you, and lots of things in between.

He's very likely to tell any friends/family (who have only seen his nice side) that he can't understand why you've done this to him, that he doesn't know why you've been so nasty, he's heartbroken, and so on.

Stay strong.

tayforth

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Check it out now

http://www.meetup.com/find/

You don't have to go out and join events right now, just sign up (use a dummy profile if you like) tick off some of your interests and see what comes up.

I belong to a lot of meet-up groups, most I have never attended anything, but I have been along to some, and have made a few really good friends. It is a chance to get out and about (walks, bar nights, meals, yoga, and other stuff) on the times when you'd like to go out and do something, but don't have anyone to do something with, for whatever reason.

Even if there is nothing much that takes your fancy, just tick off your interests and they will e-mail you when a new group starts up.

xxx

Thanks for the push I'll have a look later at home, am on my phone and it'll be easier to see on a big screen.

Mojisola wrote: »

He's very likely to tell any friends/family (who have only seen his nice side) that he can't understand why you've done this to him, that he doesn't know why you've been so nasty, he's heartbroken, and so on.

Stay strong.

This is what I fear he might do. Some of our mutual friends are really lovely and I'd like to think that I can stay friends with them. But I'll have to see how they react.

I've been trying to think how I should handle it. I'm assuming that I won't have to tell them directly; the news should reach them all soon enough. But when I do get to speak to the few I do hope to stay friends with, I intend to say something like the following:

I won't go into details because I don't want to put you in an awkward position or try to turn you against him. I'd really like us to stay friends because I value your friendship.

lostinrates

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

Check it out now

http://www.meetup.com/find/

You don't have to go out and join events right now, just sign up (use a dummy profile if you like) tick off some of your interests and see what comes up.

I belong to a lot of meet-up groups, most I have never attended anything, but I have been along to some, and have made a few really good friends. It is a chance to get out and about (walks, bar nights, meals, yoga, and other stuff) on the times when you'd like to go out and do something, but don't have anyone to do something with, for whatever reason.

Even if there is nothing much that takes your fancy, just tick off your interests and they will e-mail you when a new group starts up.

xxx

Just want to say thanks for this. I am already signed up and get notifications but was going to discontinue them. I never get to anything, and just feel I never will, but the recommendation has made me think I will at least keep receiving the emails for a while just in case. :D

aileth

tayforth wrote: »

This is what I fear he might do. Some of our mutual friends are really lovely and I'd like to think that I can stay friends with them. But I'll have to see how they react.

I've been trying to think how I should handle it. I'm assuming that I won't have to tell them directly; the news should reach them all soon enough. But when I do get to speak to the few I do hope to stay friends with, I intend to say something like the following:

I won't go into details because I don't want to put you in an awkward position or try to turn you against him. I'd really like us to stay friends because I value your friendship.

The problem you might have with waiting and them being told by him or his associates is that things might have been twisted by the time you speak to them and it might not be so easy keeping them as friends depending on what's been said. I really hope that isn't the case, but bear it in mind, as I know you don't want to go broadcasting it (rightly so).

tayforth

lostinrates wrote: »

Just want to say thanks for this. I am already signed up and get notifications but was going to discontinue them. I never get to anything, and just feel I never will, but the recommendation has made me think I will at least keep receiving the emails for a while just in case. :D

Well, there you go. zzzLazyDaisy and paulineb are revitalising all our social lives!

aileth wrote: »

The problem you might have with waiting and them being told by him or his associates is that things might have been twisted by the time you speak to them and it might not be so easy keeping them as friends depending on what's been said. I really hope that isn't the case, but bear it in mind, as I know you don't want to go broadcasting it (rightly so).

I am aware of this risk. But I have to live with it. I'd rather be able to say that I would like to have spoken to them, but felt it only fair to let him tell 'his friends in his own time, before I spoke to them.

These particular people were 'his' friends first, but I've come to know them so well in the last 7 years that I consider them my friends too. And I think that they know and like me well enough not to believe any horror stories from OH. In fact, I've known some of them as long as I've known him i.e. before we got together (including 'Sam', the guy I told you about in post #31).

Also, I socialised much more with 'his' friends than he did with 'mine'.

tayforth

Post #31 for those who haven't seen it yet:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=60503491&postcount=31